Knock The Arsenal: New Edition now available!

Knock the Arsenal is a game played by journalists from Wapping Swamp and other locations in which silly made up stories that show Arsenal in a bad light are circulated.

The new version of the show works like this…

First, find the name of any semi-famous player, or failing that make up the name of a player.

Second, suggest that Arsenal had been trying to lure this player away from his current club.

Third, suggest that the player has turned down the chance and wants to stay.

Finally, write the headline: Brazillian Superstar Snubs Arsenal Bid with the variant, French Ace rejects Arsenal Advances, or if all else fails, Swedish Shot-Stopper Spurns Gunners’ Offer.”

The main thing about this is that it should be untrue.   So you start with a list of players with little clubs (because if he is with a little club it makes Arsenal look all the more stupid for being rejected), and then you make up names.

Daniel Dogsbody, 16 year old wonderkid playing with Doncaster Devilworshippers, has rejected a chance to move to Arsenal, claiming he would sooner wait for an offer from a club “more likely to win something”.

Then the headline.  Or indeed start with the headline (Trappatorne Turns Turtle on Trophy-less Tott-Neighbours.)

The fact that neither Daniel nor his club nor Trappatorne nor any of this exists is a bit of a clue to what’s going on.  Of course we tend to spot it if the club is English, but less so when the club was one of the many layers of the former Soviet Onion.   The Times really fell for this big time last year when they took one such made up player and actually put him in their top 50 all time great teenagers.

Anyway, along with everyone leaving, we will now also see everyone refusing to sign for us.   But since we haven’t lost a match in a while I am not sure this matters.

Meanwhile, as you will know, I’ve larked about with the site, and unfortunately in doing so I have cocked up rather badly and lost all the blogroll links to other sites.   If you have exchanged links with me please accept my apologies and write to Tony at with the link again and I’ll get you re-established.  Nothing personal.  Promise.

(c) Tony “it’s almost Easter, yipeeeee” 2009.

2 Replies to “Knock The Arsenal: New Edition now available!”

  1. NO ENGLISH PLAY SHOULD PLAY FOR ARSENAL!!! (except Walcott)… NO English player can be given the ball in tight situations and still come out like our technically talented players. No English player has technical ability in terms of retaining possession in extreme pressure. We could buy Lescott, Barry and Richards but do you honestly think Richards will hold the ball better than Eboue?????? Do you think Barry will come out of a challenge of 2 players better than Denilson??? Lescott better than GALLAS???? Unless of course you want them just because they carry English passports…. they certainly won’t help our game.

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