By Sir Hardly Anyone
There are only 74 days left before the transfer window falls back into place with everything all over and done, and the glass shattered on the floor, and so far we only have 39 players listed who are going to join Arsenal this summer. Plus 13 who are leaving, although to be fair we have to admit three of those are Alexis. Koscielny and Ozil have just joined the ranks of the departing.
What seems to be happening this year is that the same names are going around and around, whereas when we did this exercise last summer the big rush was in the early days.
Are these journalists losing their knack when it comes to making things up? I mean, if you can’t trust a journalist to do her or his job, who can you trust?
Don’t answer that.
Part 1: Players coming in
Players listed for the first time in this chart have the cunning entry word “New” written in the first column. It’s all clever stuff you know.
| No | Player | Club | Position | Notes |
| NEW | Tammy Abraham | Chelsea | Striker | Currently on loan to Bristol City |
| 2 | Marcelo Allende | Deportes Santa Cruz | Attack m’f | Had 3 trials, training with first team. Signing today!!!! Actually that was two weeks ago. |
| NEW | Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang | Borussia Dortmund | Forward | £80m to replace Alexis. Man U want him |
| NEW | Carlos Bacca | AC Milan | Striker | He’s 32 years old. Was going to WHU |
| NEW | Gareth Bale | Real Mad | Striker | Stan Collymore tipped this one. |
| 6 | Karim Benzema | Real Mad | F’wd | Definitely going to either AFC or Chelsea |
| 7 | Andrea Belotti | Juventus | F’wd | Sadly he has just signed a new contract |
| 8 | Joel Campbell | Return | F’wd | Loan period ending |
| 9 | Iker Casillas | Porto | Goal | To solve our goalkeeping “crisis” |
| 10 | Kingsley Coman | Juventus | Wing | On loan with Bayern this season |
| 11 | Virgil Van Dijk | Southampton | Defence | Helps us play a back 3 all the time |
| 12 | Ederson | Benfica | Goal | 23 year old to replace Cech |
| 13 | Emil Forsberg | RB Leipzig | Midfield | He’s Swedish and he’s 25 years old |
| 14 | Jose Luis Gaya | Valencia | LB | Man City winning the race |
| 15 | Ben Gibson | Middlesbrough | Centre back | £30m. Tottenham want him. |
| 16 | Leon Goretzka | Shalke | M’fld | £21m, 1 yr left on contract. Wanted to replace Ozil (Most quoted story by far) |
| 17 | Amine Harit. | Nantes | M’fld | Arsenal have given him a trial. He is 19-years-old |
| 18 | Lorenzo Insigne | Napoli | F’wd | Liverpool! are on alert! |
| 19 | Jakub Jankto | Udinese | M’fld | To play alongside Xhaka |
| 20 | Naby Keïta | RB Leipzig | Right back | Has refused to sign a new contract |
| 21 | Grzegorz Krychowiak | PSG | Def M’fd | New in the sense that this is the first entry for him this year, but it is the third year he has been tipped to join us. |
| 22 | Koke | Atl Madrid | M’fld | Replacement for Santi Cazorla |
| 23 | Dawid Kownacki | Lech Poznan | Striker | the new Robert Lewandowski’ |
| 24 | Sead Kolašinac | Schalke | Defender | Oh yes he has oh no he hasnt |
| 25 | Kylian Mbappe | Monaco | F’wd | The new Thierry Henry Story repeated all this week. He’s the 18 year old wonderkid |
| Up date | Alexandre Lacazette | Olympique Lyonnais | Striker | Man City want him. Story has just resurfaced in the Guardian. |
| 27 | Romelu Lukaku | Everton | Forward | Dead cert to join AFC |
| 28 | Florentin Pogba | St Etienne | Defender | Brother of Paul at Man U |
| 29 | Leandro Paredes | Roma | Midfield | A story from last year now resurrected |
| NEW | Jordon Pickford | Sunderland | Goal | Although Mr W has said he is not looking to sign a keeper. Man U, Everton and Liverpool want him |
| 31 | James Rodriguez | Real Madrid | Midf/wing | Juventus Milan Man U all want him |
| 32 | Ivan Perisic | Inter | Midf/wing | Man U desperate for him |
| 33 | Kasper Schmeichel | Leicester | Goal | The man to solve our goalkeeping “crisis” |
| 34 | Michaël Seri | Nice | Midfield | Tottenham, Barcelona and PSG want him. |
| NEW | Wojciech Szczesny | Roma loan | Goal | Mr W. said that he is not looking to sign a keeper (allegedly) so everyone assumes it is Szcz’s return |
| 36 | John Terry | Chelsea | Nasty | This story from the Daily Mail |
| 37 | Corentin Tolisso | Lyon | M/fld or F’wd | French international, dreams of Arsenal. Still being mentioned |
| 38 | Arda Turan | Barcelona | M’fld | He’s 30 years old |
| 39 | Jack Wilshere | Bournemouth | M’fld | 75% of guys in the pub want him back |
Part 2: Outgoing Players
| No | Player | Club | Notes |
| 1 | Alexis | Man C | Guardiola making £50m offer his summer priority |
| 2 | Alexis | Chelsea | Will play out contract and go on a free to Chelsea. |
| 3 | Alexis | Man U | Has already agreed deal |
| 4 | Krystian Bielik | Birmingham | City keen to extend loan for another year. |
| 5 | Bellerin | Barcelona | Barce will sign him; no, he is happy to stay |
| 6 | Campbell | Fenerbahce | Currently in talks to sign |
| 7 | Jenkinson | Newcastle | Just promoted, need players |
| NEW | Koscielny | Marseille | He’s just had enough |
| 9 | Ospina | Fenerbahce | Some are just saying “to Turkley” |
| NEW | Ozil | Real Mad | They realise they should have kept him |
| 11 | Lucas Perez | PSG | He’s an “outcast” according to “reports” |
| 12 | Wojciech Szczesny | Napoli | Every newspaper seems to have this one. |
| 13 | Nathan Tella | Southampton | Deal done and completed |
We’ll have some more names in a day or two.
Meanwhile just in case you would like to see how it all panned out last summer, here’s the final index with the full list of 115 players that we were going to sign.
- How Fifa corruption is continuing, and how we can help bring it down.
- Oh what a lovely protest. Please can we have more, more, more. And thank goodness Moyes has been relegated
The Arsenal History Society
The history of Henry Norris at the Arsenal continues with March and April 1910 – the crisis deepens Some of this is getting rather murky! But who was playing the most dubious game?
buy them all, sell them all. 😉
I’ve seen Tammy Abraham play a few times this season and he’s very, very good. Don’t know if he’s good enough to step up, but who’d have thought Dele Alli could move up two divisions and make such an impact. And of course Chelsea wouldn’t be keen to sell to us. Doubt if he’ll be at City again next season.
· A newly married couple were sitting in a restaurant when they noticed an old lady starring at them from another table.
· They smiled back politely and the old lady made her way to their table. ‘I’m sorry to trouble you’ she began. ‘but you look so much like my daughter. She was killed last year and I do miss her so.’ I wonder if you would mind doing me a big favour?’
· The couple nodded compassionately. ‘It would give me such a thrill if, just as I am leaving, you would say ‘goodbye mum’ and wave me off,’ the old lady said.
· ‘Certainly’ the couple replied. How could they possibly refuse? A few minutes later, the old lady gathered her belongings and stood up to leave and the two diners cheerily said ‘good bye mum’ as ‘mum’ left the restaurant.
· Feeling good about themselves, the couple asked for their bill. After checking it they called for the manager because it was far too much.
· ‘That includes the charge for the lady’s meal,’ the manager explained. ‘She said her daughter would pay.’
I think that I may discovered the mystery of the missing crowd last Tuesday .
It was a dastardly and evil plot that had its origins in this joke..
SOMEBODY DECIDED TO CAUSE TROUBLE!!!
He went to a RESTAURANT and after seeing every table being occupied by couples, he took out his phone and made a very loud phone call, saying,
“My friend, your wife is here with another man just come and see”
Nine ladies DISAPPEARED!!
The guys ? Probably went off to a pub.