By Sir Hardly Anyone
Last season, every Arsenal player was tipped to be leaving the club by those people who claim to know everything, and have the inside information about a lot more, but in the end seem to know absolutely nothing. (Isn’t that curious?) (Yes it is, I hear you reply).
Just to keep you up to date here is the latest on the Index of Outgoing Players as of 5 July. In the morning. Just about 8.30. And we have 24 players leaving the club.
Perhaps the best story of the lot is that in a moment of amazing stupidity Arsenal have agreed to sell their second, third and fourth goalkeeper, (Szczesny, Ospina, Martinez) meaning the club are now scrabbling around trying to find a new goalkeeper to sign to play as backup to Cech! I mean how stupid can you get! Apparently we are going to sign the back up keeper from Leeds or Bolton or somewhere like that.
But then that’s the Arsenal for you. Like I said, last season we sold everyone. Except we didn’t.
Still I am sure this story is true because it comes from a journalist.
Arsenal: the EXIT INDEX
| No | Player | Club | Notes |
| Update | Alexis | Man C | Guardiola making £50m offer his summer priority. Talk Sprout says it is done. Mirror says he is finalising. Squaka says happening now Lacazette has come. |
| 1b | Alexis | Chelsea | Will play out contract and go on a free to Chelsea. |
| 1c | Alexis | Man U | Has already agreed deal, although Mourinho is fretting at no signings which seems decidely odd. |
| 1d | Alexis | Nowhere | Mr Wenger has said “he is staying” |
| 1e | Alexis | Real Mad | It’s always Real Mad isn’t it. |
| NEW | Alexis | No! | Winterburn says he is hopeful Wenger can keep him to play alongside Lacazette. |
| NEW | Takuma Asano | Stuggart | He’s staying put as there is no work permit yet. And with UK leaving the EU there possibly never will be. |
| 3 | Krystian Bielik | Birmingham | City keen to extend loan for another year. Norwich keen. Also Nottm Forest. |
| 4 | Bellerin | Barcelona | Barce will sign him; no, he is happy to stay. No Barce are getting him on a cut price deal (details of which are unclear). He’s bought a house in Barcelona. |
| Update | Bellerin | Barcelona | He’s put in a transfer request |
| 5 | Campbell | Fenerbahce | Currently in talks to sign. No its Greece. Easy mistake. |
| NEW | Chambers | Newcastle | Or it could be Everton. There seems some uncertainty |
| 7 | Coquelin | Valencia | This story has been going on and on and on and… |
| NEW | Debuchy | ? | The Express says he is certain to leave but no one can work out where he is going. Still, these maps are pesky things. |
| NEW | Gibbs | Watford | Price cut in half in a desperate attempt to move him on |
| Update | Olivier Giroud | Marseille or Everton | “He wants to play more games” was the original call, but now he wants to stay in order to win more trophies but Everton journo convinced he has inside info and it is Everton. A coincidence? |
| Update | Olivier Giroud | West Ham | They really want him as they need more pace! But no it seems this was just pure speculation by a newspaper! Never known that before! |
| 11 | Jenkinson | Newcastle | Just promoted, need players |
| 12 | Koscielny | Marseille | He’s just had enough of Arsenal, England, captaincy, Wenger… |
| NEW | Martinez | Valencia | Part of the story that all our three reserve keepers are leaving so we are forced to buy a new one! |
| NEW | Sean O’Connor | Newcastle | He’s been offered to the club |
| 15 | Ospina | Fenerbahce | Some are just saying “to Turkey”. |
| Update | Oxlade Chamberlain | Liverpool! | They have offered £40m and made it a priority; no its Chelsea; either way the player is angry and wants to go. Sturridge of Liverpool says it is happening, on Instagram. |
| 17 | Özil | Real Mad | They realise they should have kept him. Mr Wenger says, he is staying. Ozil says…. |
| 18 | Lucas Perez | PSG | He’s an “outcast” according to “reports” |
| Update | Sanogo | Released | Story is the Toulouse might want to take him on |
| Update | Santi Caz | Not so much that he is going but that Arsenal must send him packing. Sadly he is still injured and not ready to play | |
| Update | Wojciech Szczesny | Napoli, no Juventus | Every newspaper seems to have this one. He doesn’t want to be here. Yes he does, the club doesn’t want him. Confusing! |
| 22 | Nathan Tella | Southampton | Deal done and completed – he was released |
| Update | Theo Walcott | West Ham | Ray Wilkins says he must leave to protect his career. But now a journalist has again said re a WHU rumour it is not true, just that he is the sort of player WHU should have |
| NEW | Chris Willock | Benfica | He wrote a very good farewell and thank you letter to the club and fans and left without any animosity after turning down new contract. A perfect young gent handling things properly. |
So we still have quite a few players from the first team squad not yet tipped to leave. I suspect that everyone has been so focused on the issues surrounding Lacazette they have lost focus on this but to help the journalists and bloggetta writers here is a list of players who have not yet been tipped to leave this summer.
It does seem to me that the Commentariat is being very slow here. I am sure that by this time last year most of the team were out. They surely couldn’t be learning from their mistakes could they?
Hang on – a journalist learns from his/her mistakes? No, sorry. Doesn’t compute.
Players not yet tipped to leave
| Goalkeeper | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 33 | Petr Čech | Czech Republic | 20/05/1982 | |
| 54 | Matt Macey | England | 09/09/1994 | |
| Defender | ||||
| 5 | Gabriel Paulista | Brazil | 26/11/1990 | |
| 16 | Rob Holding | England | 20/09/1995 | |
| 4 | Per Mertesacker | Germany | 29/09/1984 | |
| 20 | Shkodran Mustafi | Germany | 17/04/1992 | |
| 18 | Nacho Monreal | Spain | 26/02/1986 | |
| Midfielder | ||||
| 41 | Joshua Da Silva | England | 23/10/1998 | |
| 35 | Mohamed Elneny | Egypt | 11/07/1992 | |
| 55 | Ainsley Maitland-Niles | England | 29/08/1997 | |
| 8 | Aaron Ramsey | Wales | 26/12/1990 | |
| 31 | Jeff Reine-Adélaïde | France | 17/01/1998 | |
| 19 | Santi Cazorla | Spain | 13/12/1984 | |
| 65 | Ben Sheaf | England | 05/02/1998 | |
| 29 | Granit Xhaka | Switzerland | 27/09/1992 | |
| Forward | ||||
| 17 | Alex Iwobi | Nigeria | 03/05/1996 | |
| 23 | Danny Welbeck | England | 26/11/1990 | |
So there we have it, 24 leaving and 17 not yet nominated. I’ve included the date of birth and country of origin so that if you want to start your own gossip column you can fill out space saying “the 28 year old Albanian” which adds five words of truth to what is otherwise going to be 100 words of fantasy.
- Before we start warming up for the warm ups there is a total absolute cock up
- Alexandre Lacazette: all you need to know and some things you probably don’t
- Why the way football is reported is both insulting and incredibly dangerous
Untold Social
Why you should pause before you pay that parking fine
Beware the phone caller who asks “Have you had a car accident that wasn’t your fault?”
Untold Vanishing
I like the thought of a proportion of visitors to this article not realising the title is ironic.
Very funny. Bloggers feast on arsenal and the fans swallow the bait hook line and sinker
Me too
Do you see an increase in hits, out of curiosity?
The commentariat (plural, right? Singular should be “commenter”, no? Collective noun: “an unkindness of commenters”? Huh? Who knows these things?) continues to show their love for Tottenham. See the narrative below from a website:
Tottenham/Poch continues to be patient. Imagine if Arsenal has done no business till date! Ha! The narrative would easily be: Arsenal/Wenger continues dither…
..Arsenal/Wenger continues to dither…
Gideone,
“Arsenal have been dragging out the announcement of their club-record signing Alexandre Lacazette for days.” according to express
OlegYch @ 4:56 pm,
I knew it ;)! And I think we can actually help ’em. Let’s just build their favourite sentence structure so that they don’t have to stress their precious little brains at all- I am working under the assumption that they do have some, emprical facts suggest otherwise though.
Posibble sentence subjects: Arsenal/Wenger/The Arsenal Board/The Frenchmann…
Possible modal verbs: is/are/was/has been/have been/is being…
Possible lexical verbs: dithering/dragging out/indecisive/…
Possible sentence objects: tranfers/contracts/announcements/
Please help ’em 🙂 . Comentariat, food is served 😉
OlegYch @ 4:56 pm,
I knew it ;)! And I think we can actually help ’em. Let’s just build their favourite sentence structure so that they don’t have to stress their precious little brains at all- I am working under the assumption that they do have some, emprical facts suggest otherwise though.
Posibble sentence subjects: Arsenal/Wenger/The Arsenal Board/The Frenchmann…
Possible modal verbs: is/are/was/has been/have been/is being…
Possible lexical verbs: dithering/dragging out/indecisive/…
Possible sentence objects: tranfers/contracts/announcements/
Please help ’em ? . Comentariat, food is served ?
Apologies for the duplicate post
Don’t know what all the fuss is about – Lacazette is coming on a free. He didn’t want any money to play against the FA as it is an honour to be cheated on.