By Sir Hardly Anyone
Desperation. You can smell it. The old certainty in which a child in the bedroom can create a blog calling Wenger an idiot, and get people to read, is being challenged. Not because people won’t read any more but because the bedroom bloggettas have gone professional buoyed by the ready made designs, the sponsored content, the introduction of multiple sites owned by the newspaper industry, and companies like Fansided that churn out bloggettas as fast as very fast things being created very quickly on a day when there is nothing else to do.
Pain in the Arsenal is one such creation of Fansided. Here’s an example…
Although the early recruitment of the summer is promising and suggests that Wenger is finally learning from the hesitation that has crippled the progress of the club in recent years, there are still many needs that must be addressed for this to be considered a successful summer.
Evidence of this wild and wacky notion of hesitation is there none. Yes, Arsenal have done deals at the end of the window, but then so has everyone else: if the selling club has three offers on the table it is bound to hold until the last few days of the window to check the best offer – especially with oil and gas money feeding the likes of Manchester City and Chelsea and a weak PL not willing to adopt restrictions on transfer spending.
Anyway their point is that Arsenal should be far more focused now on “retention” – creating another myth – that we have let players slip away because we don’t nurture them.
Quite how this equates with the fact that we have too many players at the moment to fit in the 25, and have what seems (on the face of it, and I admit Untold hasn’t done a total analysis of under 21 players being prepared to be in the squads of teams) an extraordinary bunch of youngsters capable of playing for the first team, is hard to say.
Of course you know where this is leading: the great leaving rush. And yes “four players who have been heavily linked (and not just speculative links) with an exit this summer.”
Which raises the point, what is a “heavy link” and what is a “speculative link”. I can only assume (since the article does not tell me) that the heavy link arrives when a bloggetta says it a lot, and a speculative link is one that is so silly that even a journalist staggering home after a bad night out is unable to remember if he was told it by a journalists staggering home after a bad night out, or he just made it up himself).
Anyway, for Pain in the Arsenal, Hector Bellerin’s departure is a heavy link. Which shows you what a heavy link is. They also suggest the Ox, Alexis and Ozil have heavy links.
And goodness if Pain in the Arsenal had not told Mr Wenger he might not have noticed. But still it gives me a chance to run Hector’s answer to the gibberish.
Yes he has gone. Havana by the looks of things – wherein lies a secret world – a world in the shadows which one can enter if only one reads the secrets revealed only by the underground bloggettas, or the bloggettas secretly run by the newspapers, or …. oh no sorry. That’s London not Havana.
But here’s a warning – we are going to be doing it all again, and soon, for the Express says he has settled his situation “for now”.
And also we now know “Alexis has given a massive indication he wants to leave”, according to the Express. But no Wenger is convinced he will stay (Talksport). Except actually it is not his decision.
Meanwhile Everton want to buy Theo for £30m having bought nine players already (Pickford, Klaason, Markelo, Onyekuro, Ramirez, Keane, Mathis, Bowler, Rooney). Oh yes and they’ll have Giroud as well, apparently. Then they’ll have a team.
Speaking of those certain to leave (allegedly) Mr Wenger said, “I have huge respect for Olivier Giroud, for the man he is, and for the way he loves our club. Even with all the speculations, he’s focused and does his job, and he’s shown that again tonight.
“Lacazette will play most of the time centre-forward; he can play in any system. Because he’s a provider, he can combine and play in the 4-4-2. At the moment, he plays a bit behind Giroud, more on the left.”
Anyway, the Mirror state Borussia Dortmund are about to sign him. (Giroud not Lacazette).
As for the Ox – Arsenal have issued a “hands off” warning. Haven’t had one of those for a long time and I have always wondered what one looks like, but once again we are not told. However apparently Sky Italia have other ideas for they are saying that Arsenal are interested in Nemanja Matic and are willing to offer Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain in return. HITC says Arsenal would be stupid not to go for the deal. (Don’t do it guys, it’s a set up).
Meanwhile the Metro says Jack Wilshere is staying despite rumours that he is going to Sampdoria – but again fails to take into account how he might be fitted into the 25 and who is going to drop out so he can fit in.
Elsewhere the bloggetta “Thick Accent” tells us that “Arsenal outcast Francis Coquelin is mainly seen in action during the pre-season. For his recurring injuries keep him out of the scene for large swathes of the season,” before telling us that he can deliver sheer class.
Now let us consider this. Pre-season normally consists of about seven games, and most defensive players will play about three or four of them. So Coquelin is mostly seen, according to “Thick Accent” three or four games a season. Which is odd when we see that actually he played 39 games for the first team last season, of which 29 were in the league.
How could they have made that mistake in counting? Beats me.
Oh and in case you were wondering, “Italian giants Juventus are putting the finishing touches to a deal to sign Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny.” But I think we have heard that before.
Is this the weirdest Arsenal summer ever? Even so the Europa plan sounds fun.
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17 Replies to “Bellerin has already left: pictures. Theo about to go, Giroud going, Jack staying, and the Coquelin error.”
another good article guys. I have given up on blogs generally, the negativity and high handedness is stomach cramping. or a Pain in the Arse who live up to the name. So many showers, She Wore, ArsenalTruth (!), but for shear ignorance the winner has to be Le Grove.
Good article, I have wasted my breath on josh sippie and a few others who write on fan sided. Of course to no avail they still write their inaccurate tripe so I never read any of their stuff anymore if I can help it.
I will say today’s piece from josh Sophie and pain in the arse is refreshing and different from their usual tripe. It is actually worth a read.
I did only scan it because the headline was interesting and he has done a reasonably good job on the piece.
Thats stupid Wenger cant sell all the player at once and those same player sold to rivals maim us, amputate us badly so if Wenger is going to be fooled let him try that mistake and see the rslts. Another thing imagine of mahrez badly wants and arsenal move Bt Wenger is reluctant yet Roma went there with 20. Wenger shld at all cost buy him. And sell unwilling Sanchez wth a big fixed cash lyk 80…..100. Coz no man is an island
Some wise words from a blog that speaks the truth. I take great pleasure in reading the untold. Although some mere disappointment from those ‘pump it out’ trash blogs. Damn I wish I wasn’t addicted to newsnow in the transfer window. Just can’t handle the anxiety of what Arsenal could do next. Fakenews. Wilshiretobecaptain? Just looks good as a word. That’s me done. Keep on and Cheers.
Corporate Torture.- Shit happens.
A company employee went to the toilet.
As he sat on the seat on the door was written:
“Had you ‘exerted’ the same amount of pressure at work, the company’s targets would have been achieved today” .
And the reply by employee ?
– if you apply such pressure what comes out will always be shit.
A classic example of effective communication in an Indian household.
An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting a complicated heart surgery to be performed on him and he insisted that his daughter-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his daughter-in-law.
‘Yes, Dad, what is it?’
‘Don’t be nervous dear . Do your best and just remember, if something happens to me, your mother-in-law will come and live with you.’
The surgery was a great success.
As the striker Lucas Perez looks to have fallen out of Le Prof’s favour to remain at Arsenal beyond this summer and could therefore be sold. And despite the arrival of Lacazette to the Arsenal senior team squad, Le Prof in his plans has looked to have preferred to keep Olivier Giroud over Lucas Perez this summer as one of his only two leading strikers. And therefore will not allow Olivier to leave Arsenal now despite all the media rumours suggesting he might in his agitation be allowed to leave this summer for a handsome cash of money. More so, now that striker Lacazette has been signed.
As they say three is no smoke without fire, if Olivier has felt his position as a leading striker at Arsenal will be further threaten in next season’s campaign as a result of the signing of Lacazette, and for this reason has been agitating to leave Arsenal this summer to enabled him play regular football elsewhere, I think he should stop agitating to leave and accept his faith to remain at Arsenal as long as Le Prof wants him there. His position in the French national team world cup squad will not be under threat but secured as Le Prof continues to give him games to play whenever he’s fit, in form and ready to play so that he won’t go match rusty but stays match lubricated.
As the striker Lucas Perez looked to have fallen out of Le Prof’s favour to remain at Arsenal not beyond this summer and could therefore be sold. And despite the arrival of Lacazette to the Arsenal senior team squad, Le Prof in his plans has looked to have preferred to keep Olivier Giroud over Lucas Perez this summer as one of his only two senior leading strikers. And therefore will not allow Olivier to leave Arsenal now despite all the media rumours suggesting he might in his agitation to go be allowed to leave this summer for a collection of handsome cash of money by Arsenal. More so now that striker Lacazette has been signed.
As they say three is no smoke without fire, if Olivier has felt his position as a leading striker at Arsenal will be further threatened in next season’s campaign as a result of the signing of Lacazette, and for this singular reason has been agitating to leave Arsenal this summer and in his thinking will make him play regular football elsewhere, I think he should stop agitating to leave and accept his faith to remain at Arsenal as long as Le Prof wants him there. So that Le Prof will not be side distracted in his building his preferred first team squad choice for next season’s Premier League campaign, leaving him with only Alexis Sanchez threat case to leave Arsenal this summer to contend with. The position of Olivier in the French national football team will not be under any threat if he stays on at Arsenal next season but be secured as Le Prof continues to give him games to play in whenever he’s fit, in form and ready to play so that he won’t go match rusty but stays match lubricated.
It makes sense though that some of those who work in media will teach their siblings and enable them the equipment to continue their concepts, concepts they learnt from their elders.
This youth is probably one of those siblings, but he may just be one of those who is so far into the illusion that the media presents, that he vomits out what he has been “suggested” to.
Our(?) new generation.
Lies, lies everywhere! I feel spreading misinformation, at best half-truths and the worse are just hideous lies, is now the joy de rigueur of mainstream media.
Most blogs, just like most members of society will fall in line, but Untold and the truth will overcome this Orwellian animal, or my name isn’t Oldham Gooner 😉
That picture of Bellerin is funny if it included the text from his instagram page:)
Every one can predict the outcome of the Alexis Sanchez Saga (with 50 percent certainty)
The latest reported soundbite from Alexis “I want to play in CL” has prompted bloggers to to confirm his exit basically calling on Arsenal to:
“chow down its pride” and sell and they quote the usual reasons, “last 12 months” “Must Cash in ” or else “on a free”.
None stop to question; whether keeping a 30 goals-a-season player for one more season truly translates to a poor business decision?
Whatever Alexis will fetch to avoid the “shame” of losing him as a freebie is at least equal in value or even less than what he can give us next season alongside Lacazette et al.
With Alexis kept on board we should:
-Send a message of seriousness to all and sundry, Man City, Bayern, Tapper-uppers, A A A, crop duster pilots etc
-Have an attack that’ll instill genuine fear for 90 mins. The league is close to being split in half right now its 7/13. The next winner (presumably from the previous top 7) must squeeze past six very strong teams that’s 36 points. THIRTY SIX! in the days of Henry that stake was basically 12-18 pts so we could win the league by simply pummeling sixteen other teams and playing R-R with the other three. Today its mighty difficult to negotiate the “Lucky 7” and the “unlucky 13” have enough to pull a surprise.
-Have another solid assist master, so he scores and helps others score
-Significantly enhance our top four chances (title should be the goal though)
-Endure his sulking, but not for long cos the football would be too enticing to boycott
-We can then raise cash by selling other players who might not get equitable playing time next season (not naming names)
Nothing to add. Amazing article that hits the nail on its head. There are so many “fans” who focus just on the negative news surrounding the club, though these are the news with no substance in it. Glad you put things right. This article has it all: the truth, entertaining facts and funny sarcasm. Great job!:)
Interesting to see that suddendly – or so it seems to me – the focus of the Commentariat seems to be shifting very negatively on Chelsky.
Reading just the headlines, looks like a real haemorrhage they are whisfully presenting : Conte, Hazard, and others leaving, missiong out on one big name after the other.
Well let Sauron’s eye be focused on them instead on AFC… it’s a nice change
As for all those rumors talking of Giroud and/or Walcott leaving, I can’t imagine Wnenger letting go off his second and third best scorers (and proven scorers over a few years) leave. After all he’s going to go after at least the PL, the FA Cup and the EL. We will be desperately needing proven firepower accross all competitions.
As far as I am concerned, I feel we have the most powerfull, fully staffed and balanced squad since the Invincibles. Even more so considering all the Young Bloods that are waiting on the sidelines, and from what we have seen, not only do they have quality, they have some ‘nothing-is-impossible-and-is-going-to-impress-me-go-get-them’ attitude.
I can’t wait for this season to start
It is natural for everyone to assume they have the truth, otherwise why say anything at all?
Unless, that is, one is trying to distort said truth, and in that case, it usually comes with a very loud proclamation that it is the truth.
Nice article that’s spot on. I have long given up on ‘pain in the ..’ for the sheer sensationalist nature of their headlines. I have chipped in to set them straight a few times but found it was an absolute waste of time. They are determined to get click baits out to feed on the fears of some ill-informed fans who will do anything for their daily fix of anti-Wenger or Arsenal news.
As for Le groan, that’s another matter. I don’t even bother to click anymore. A group of fans, always frothing at the mouth isn’t my thing.
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