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Untold Arsenal appear on the Arsenal membership DVD; Arsène copes well, I make predictions

By Tony Attwood

Star of stage, screen and  the members pack

Well, if you have received the full Arsenal members’ pack, and put in your DVD (at least the round thing in the pack), and then worked your way through the Ray Parlour stuff, watched the goal of the season countdown, and wondered what next, you might well have turned to “Ask Arsène”.

And what do you know: up pops yours truly wearing a hat and asking the great man to tell us his three main characteristics.

Not my longest TV performance, nor perhaps my greatest moment on screen, but I thought Arsène coped with sharing the stage with me rather well.

So, last year it was the Gooner DVD review and this year it’s the Arsenal official DVD.  Whatever next?

Before I tell you, here’s my predictions for this coming season (which for reasons beyond me, got removed from the members pack).

1: Eboue will blossom and shine and become central to our team.  If you saw the Poland game you will know what I mean.  Most commentators were so transfixed with the defence they forgot to watch Eboue.  A player who has grown, transformed, and developed.  A man who can play anywhere.

2: Nasri will become so amazing that the press will start telling us that three years ago they predicted him as Zidane II.  The goal of the season last year will just be one of many of that sort.   He will learn to smile more too.

3: Nasri playing behind Chamakh when Cesc isn’t there will be a twosome that will be talked about beyond the moons of Pluto.  The press will say that while some had their doubts, they predicted… blah blah.

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4: As long as we keep one of Bendtner, Chamakh and Van Persie fit at all times, and two of them fit for 75% of the season, we will be top scorers for the year, not least because Nasri and Cesc will be scoring too.

5: The key thing is to have Nasri and Cesc both playing in positions they love with a defensive midfielder behind them.

6: Barca loan us will, in August, start talking about transferring Cesc in January, and papers in Spain will claim the secret deal is done, while papers here say that it puts strain on Arsenal.  Actually this has already happened, so not much of a prediction.   Barca will be rechristened Barca Noise, and will fail to pay their players’ salaries twice before January.

7: Carlos Vela will make a sensational breakthrough and become fundamental to the first team’s regular squad.

8: Despite forecasts by most of the Anti-Arsenal Arsenal web sites that most season ticket holders will have left, the season ticket list will be confirmed as sold out with a 40,000 waiting list.  Despite claims that the advertising of club level proves that it is empty, the waiting list there will be shown to be 3 years.

9: Liverpool FC will become a state owned company before Christmas.  5 million fans object to the EPL that the Prime Minister is not a fit and proper person to run a football club.

10: The England manager, Mr Cappuccino, will repeatedly tell Arsenal players to leave the club if they want to play for England.  Arsenal’s players will tell him where to stick it and will take up citizenship of the planet Blink.

So that’s my predictions – now back to the membership pack.

Actually there’s two something elses (if you see what I mean) in the members pack that you might be enjoying.

First is the reprint of Football Ambassador. I reviewed this when GCR books first published it, and made mention of one particular piece in the book that has been quite influential to me.  It is the section in italics on page 5, from the Kettering Telegraph.  If you read that, and then (if you have a copy) the opening of “Making the Arsenal” (also in italics) you will see where I got the idea from.  Not just this one section – but rather from the whole point that 75 to 100 years ago journalists used to have fun and write amusing things.

Which is of course not to say that I can emulate the great journalists of earlier times, but it is a talent that has been utterly lost.  Journalists these days (at least sports journalists) either bow down and worship, or sneer and make up stories (in the case of Arsenal, mostly the latter).

I know that every time I try and do something amusing here someone will write in and say that the article was a total waste of time and space, but it still seems to me an art form worth trying to revive.

If you have got a full members’ pack, even if you are not inclined to read “Football Ambassador” do have a read of that bit on page 5.  If you want to know more about the other historic Arsenal books the firm has produced there is a link to GCR Books on the right side of this page.  And of course there is a link to Making the Arsenal above.

The other interesting thing that struck me on the first day of looking at the pack was the height of the team.   Jane and I noticed this because a year ago the Anti-Arsenal Arsenal were doing their rant about the fact that Wenger was an idiot because he only signed short players and what we wanted were tall players.  In fact our average height last season was pretty much the average height of the rest of the teams in the league – and the membership yearbook confirms this.

Arshavin is confirmed as neither 5 feet 4 inches tall as the song suggests, (he’s 5 feet 8) and as not being the shortest in the squad – Jack Wilshire is 5 feet 7 inches tall.  So maybe the AAA will be out saying that Jack is useless because he is too short.  Could be.

Untold Arsenal – the web site Arsène can’t do without

Woolwich Arsenal – charting our history

25 comments to Untold Arsenal appear on the Arsenal membership DVD; Arsène copes well, I make predictions

  • Arshavin is five feet eight inches but my computer put in a smiley face. How odd

  • Cujo

    Charming little blog this is 🙂

  • cescophreniac

    How sweet will it be if madrid won the league. I don’t particularly like Jose but Oh how sweet… especially after we’ve won the league. Ohhhhh I’m salivating…

  • cescophreniac

    Oh and if Xavi did his hammy in mexico. Ohhhh……

  • Bdgooner

    i think you forgot the most important thing. Rambo will be back and will have the force with him this time. He will be stronger, angrier, fitter and will beat the saw-crossed teams and make them cry like pompey….

  • Dec

    Don’t suppose your cyrstal ball indicated who it thinks might be between the sticks for us this year Tony?

    Funny bit about AA 🙂
    Wonder who was the shortest player to play for over the years?

  • Ole Gunner

    Does that mean we’re just as tall as everyone else, or that we’re taller than the bottom shortest teams.

    I love this height angle. I loved how it became a stick to beat Arsenal with last season. That and the, ‘Arsenal players are not very heavy angle’.

    It’s all down to height and weight. What else could it be down to?

  • The average height of the average ARsenal player is above average for the average height of the average EPL player on an average day excluding by-laws.

  • Armin

    With this average height Arsenal will never win any silverware in basketball.

  • Gooneraside

    Hi Tony,

    Can’t wait for the DVD. Just wondering whether you were wearing the hat when making the predictions. If it was the well-known magic hat, I will be wagering a few shillings. 😉

    I myself predict that Denilson will one day become the new Ray Parlour! Not that I’m his biggest fan or such, but at one time I wasn’t one of Ray’s either.

  • AnonymousGun

    @ Armin
    I dont think Arsenal will EVER win any silverware in BASKETBALL.

    Unless of course, AW have started an academy to trained basketball players. Even then, it will take another 9 years before we’ll start seeing the fruit of labor.

  • mcmellish

    Love the blog, keep up the brilliant work.

    Oh and my main prediction is that the Tottenham players will be crushed under the weight of their own egos when they qualify for the group stages of the ECL (jinx!jinx!jinx!)

  • Dec

    With all due respect, that’s a pretty average statement Tony.
    Probably suggests a mid table finish.

  • Robbie

    I predict we’ll see more of the same. Lots of injuries, an optimistic Wenger who continous selling us the future, and the AAA going berserk. But with the future looking bright, I’ll buy it! We won’t win anything this season, but I hope it doesn’t mean Wenger will leave us. I hope Gazidis is working on that contract extension.

  • walter

    I’m waiting impatiently for the DVD but being abroad it will take a few days longer I think.

  • Rhys Jaggar

    ‘Despite claims that the advertising of club level proves that it is empty, the waiting list there will be shown to be 3 years.’

    As I know the situation about club, I can state in a court of law that many of those who enquired in January 2010 will be present this month at their first game. The reason I know this is that existing members were offered a free meal if they got a referral to sign up, which we did.

    This does not mean it is empty, but it means that, if your claim is true, it means they built up a 3 year waiting list in the past 6 months. This may be possible, but I doubt it…… I suspect it will be full with a shorter waiting time, like 1 year for singles and maybe a bit longer for couples……

  • Armin

    That’s what I am talking about, this team has no height and it will definitively leave us with maybe wining EPL but we ll never get NBA, and we waiting on it more than century. It is all again Wenger guilt and I don’t understand how you people cant see it

  • Zgooner

    I just love this blog! What a breath of fresh air 🙂

    Please don’t write me up with those that “had their doubts but predicted… bla bla bla.”

    I BELIEVE! And one more thing I will add to predictions is that Koscielny will have MAJOR mess ups… but will overall become an Arsenal favourite because of his class shown this coming season inshallah.


    Smallest player was Juan the full back he was tiny

  • Rhys, as I understand it, the campaign for club level ran through the spring, and included considerable levels of advertising in and around London at that time.

  • Dec – well, I can’t be exceptionally amazing all the time.

  • lp

    very nice predictions tony.
    and may i add that Rambo will come back stronger from his injury even the goalie can’t shut him up as he keep on scoring for us..=)

  • Wrenny

    Wilshere looks taller than 5’7″ to me, going by the pictures of pre-season training. Maybe he’s had himself a little growth spurt like Ramsey had last year?

  • WalterBroeckx

    Tony, you ruled on the dvd. 🙂 A film star in the making. After the blogging oscar you deserve, we will be seeing forward to next years Hollywood oscars where you will be nominated for the best actor. 😉