By Sir Hardly Anyone
Yes the race is on for one player to be the first man to be signed by the new Arsenal management team. Gone are the days in which the media bemoaned how Arsenal were not going to sign anyone, and how Arsenal was too slow and Wenger too mean to pay the money asked. Gone are the days of the deal signed just as the transfer window shattered into a million pieces. No this time, we are buying, buying, buying, even before the transfer window is actually open, and it is just a case of who is first.
To set the scene the Daily Mail has a list of Arsenal’s summer transfers so far:
In: none Out: none.
which is not too surprising given the fact that the window is not even open. But that is a detail. The budget is £70m plus whatever we get from the selling of all those wastrels who clearly can’t play but deliberately con everyone by repeatedly coming high up the player statistical analysis charts.
As for who, well “Arsenal’s summer options are limited,” shouts Pain the the Arsenal. But more optimistically Sports Keeda tells us that there are, “Three signings planned before the World Cup and more”
So quick quick quick, we have to know who are they.
Actually we’ve mentioned most of them before, but here’s the bringing of the list together. One of these lucky fellows is going to be ARSENAL’S FIRST SIGNING OF THE SUMMER.
1: Sokratis Papastathopoulos
He will cost £16m from Borussia Dortmund. He’s 29, and so probably too old to bother with all the farting around of choosing this club or that club. So he’s just saying “yes”, “whatever” and get on with it.
2: Stephan Lichtsteiner
The right back who is on a free transfer from Juventus and who is even older than Papastathopoulos being a veritable 34. Being that old he might be caught on the line but he’s got his mobility scooter and he’s on the way.
3: Emil Forsberg.
Roll up roll up for the Leipzig midfielder who “could become Arsenal’s first signing since the appointment of Unai Emery as manager”. says the Guardian. They say he is valued at £47m, and call him the Swedish “anti-Zlatan” apparently because he is shy and is speedy.
4: Caglar Soyuncu
The Freiburg Turkish defender has openly said that he is talking to Arsenal. Mind you I do that sometimes when buying away tickets but it ends up with me paying them rather than the reverse. Soyoncu will cost around £35m.
5: Bernd Leno
He is the German international goalkeeper who looks sure to leave Bayer Leverkusen and has a £22 million release clause. Mind you this story has been in Football London so one might want to take this with a few pinches of sodium chloride.
6: Javi Garcia.
Now this is trickery because he is not a player at all but PSG’s goalkeeping coach. This story splashed around the highly reliable Sun (!!!) says Arsenal are almost there.
7: Lucas Torreira
But no it is none of those because Arsenal are going to sign first of all, almost immediately, Sampdoria’s Lucas Torreira, TuttoMercatoWeb tell us that contact has been made and discussions are well underway.
So there we are. It is going to be one of these. Absolutely for sure because the media tell us. And we’ll only have to wait a matter of hours to find out apparently. Indeed you might want to check the news because there is every chance one of these fine fellas will have signed before this is published, which will make the article redundant but of course we will know we were right – it was one of these seven, unless of course it wasn’t.
We’ll come back to this one the first signing is made and see just how accurate everyone was.
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