90 players Arsenal are signing, although one is a bit of a cheat. It’s the Jack the Ripper List

by Sir Hardly Anyone

I guess the logical follow on from the earlier article today is to suggest we are going to sign Jack the Ripper.  Actually now I’ve written that, what’s the betting some sports web site thinks that is the nickname of a contemporary player and follows it up.

In fact we have decided to call this the Jack the Ripper List given that the techniques used by the media in “reporting” the Jack the Ripper case are exactly the same as the techniques used here: in other words completely made up just to get readers.

And so without further whatnot, here is the wonderful ever growing Jack the Ripper list of fantasy stories from newspapers, blogs, bloggetas, TV and radio.

We have six new stories today taking us up to 90 different players we are signing, allegedly.

Oh what fun!

No. Player From Source Information
1 Yacine Adli PSG Sport Review.  Talk Sport says the deal is certainly on for a mere £250,000.  Mirror says it is for sure. Barcelona Manchester City,  Bayern Munich and Juventus want him.  He’s a wonderkid.  All set to sign NOW (DZ)
2 Toby Alderweireld Tottenham Football London Man U interested.  FL urges urgent action
3 Marco Asensio  Real Madrid Guardian Liverpool will pay up to £131m, Chelsea also keen.
4 Álvaro Odriozola Arzallus Real Sociedad Football London Mainly right back can also play on the wing
5 Leon Bailey Bayer Leverkusen Talk Sprout; Football London Cost £100m, he’s a winger or a midfielder who gives assists.  Chelsea more likely
6 Mario Balotelli Nice Football London (who else?), Mirror, La Gazetta dello Sport “He’s rebuilt his reputation in France”
7 Ever Banega Sevilla Daily Star Argentine player, central midfield
8 Jack Butland Stoke The Sun, 101 Great Goals Liverpool also after this keeper
9 Karim Benzema Real Mad EPR Scouts, Football Transfer Tavern, Diario Gol, Deal agreed £35m.  No €60 million,
10 Emre Can Liverpool Fourth Official Liverpool won’t give him an extension
11 Jasper Cillessen Barcelona Mundo Deportivo, Daily Cannon A keeper.
12 Doucoured Watford Football London Play next to Ramsey to bring “much needed brawn and steel to a weak midfield.”
13 Ousmane Dembele Barcelona (joined from Dortmund for £96m) Express, Don Balon, Arsenal News, Gunnersphere, Telefoot Swap deal with Bellerin even though we don’t need any more forwards and he is injury prone, but is a friend of Aub’s. Says he’s not moving
14 Kerem Demirbay Hoffenheim TalkSport. Liga Financial, Star, AFC Fever Midfielder, AFC price agreed, Liverpool want him. Price agreed
15 Leander Dendoncker Anderlecht Fourth Official Defensive midfield, creative midfield…
16 Abdoulaye Doucoure Watford Hertfordshire Mercury Goalkeeper.  Watford want to keep him. Tots want him
17 Johnny Evans WBA Daily Mirror, Football London He’s the key man we need. £3m from WBA if they go down. FL just reignited the story in early June.
18 Nabil Fekir Olympique Lyonnais Mail.  Football London Arsenal’s number 1 target; attacking midfield. FL says maybe Liverpool
19 Emil Forsberg RB Leipzig Sportwitness and Calcio Mercato.  £47m. A replacement for Alexis Sanchez.  He’s going to be the first signing
20 Fred Shakhtar Gibfootballshow Arsenal to get him for £30m
21 Willem Geubbels Lyon Football London 16 years old forward, Barce, Leipzig and Chelsea also want him
22 Alex Grimaldo Benfica Read Arsenal Left back. Man U, PSG & Monaco fancy him
23  Jose Gimenez Atletico Madrid Marca, TalkSport, SportsReview £53m but no sooner is it announced than we are set to miss out on him.  That hardly seems fair
24 Alexander Golovin CKSA Moscow Football London Midfielder. One of the players we must buy before the WC
25 Goncalo Guedes PSG Liga Financial PSG must sell because of FFP, Arsenal have announced interest
26 Kai Havertz Bayer Leverkusen Metro, Mail, Tribal Football AFC and Liverpool want him.  Midfielder; B,L’s youngest ever player
27 Dean Henderson Man U; Shrewsbury Mirror, Football London Wants to leave to get 1st team football.  He’s a keeper
28 Ahmed Hegazi West Brom Transfer Tavern Defender
29 Lorenzo Insigne. Napoli  CalcioMercato.it.  Football fancast An attacker, aged 26, Italian international
30 Jakub Jankto Udinese Teamtalk It’s either Arsenal or AC Milan
31 Jorginho Napoli Hot Stepanovs Faster and smaller than Xhaka
NEW Lukas Kolstermann Leipzig Bild says yes but Football Fancast says no Full back; can play left and right
33 Kalidou Koulibaly Napoli Daily Mirror, Gunnersphere, Guardian, Corriere Dello Sport, Tribal Football Centre back; top priority, Chelsea, Man C and Liverpool want him
34 Layvin Kurzawa PSG Sportsmole, the Week, To replace Bellerin
35 Alban Lafont Toulouse Arsenal Mania, Daily Canon Goalkeeper, Boyhood supporter of Arsenal.  “Set to leave”.  But he’s only 19.
36 Thomas Lemar Monaco ArsenalNewsHQ; Mirror; TalkSport. Star, Different League Deal confirmed; has rejected a new contract. All go!!!  Or he has “become available”
37 Stephan Lichtsteiner Juventus Just about everywhere SIGNED.  Right back, available free, he’s 34 and he will be the first signing.  “It’s done” (Football London)
38 Matthias De Ligt Ajax Football London, Mirror Centre back; Tots and Man C also want him.  Has handed in a transfer request
39 Bernd Leno Bayer Leverkusen Football London, Daily Express (they are certain), Bild A keeper available for just £22m.  The story has popped up again after a month of silence.He will be first signing.
40 Diogo Leite Porto A Bola (which is a Portuguese “outlet” not a virulent disease; Guardian Centre back
41 Joel Lopez Barcelona Sports Lens 21 year old left midfield
42 Lozano PSV Sport 360, Arsenal mania Winger who can cut inside
43 James Maddison Norwich Mirror, Sport Review, Birmingham Mail says it is about to happen Midfield playmaker; Tottenham, Everton, Brighton Southampton & Man C also want him
44 Harry Maguire Leicester Sky Sports Centre half.  Man U also want him.
45 Malcolm Bordeaux FootballBible, Sport Review, Gunnerspheree, Football London Winger; everyone is interested; he says he goes in the summer.  But might go to China.  No will play in a 3 man line behind the number 9.
NEW Gelson Martins Sporting Lisbon “Arsenal fail with £26m bid to sign Sporting Lisbon star” Metro HITC says Everton wants him.   He’s a winger.
47 Joao Mario Inter on loan at WHU Fourth Official Midfield, and said to love London
48 Lautaro Martinez  Racing Club de Avellaneda Gunnersphere Striker.  Inter have offered €20million
49 Anthony Martial Man U Sun, 4th Official Signed by United from AC Monaco in 2015, the £75.7m
50 Alex McCarthy Southampton Football London Goalkeeper.
51 Max Meyer Schalke 04. Football London, Daily Canon, Guardian, Talk Sport, Express.  Contract ends this season.  FL still talking it up Attacking midfield or playmaker. Liverpool battling with Arsenal  New Santi Cazorla
52 Radja Nainggolan Roma The Sun, Gunnersphere He’s a powerhouse midfielder and will cost £45m
53 Keylor Navas Real Madrid Don Ballon, HITC, A goalkeeper looking for work.  He’s 31
54 Robert Navarro Barcelona Daily Mail, Canon He’s 15 and plans to leave on his 16th birthday.  Arsenal have made an offer
55 Wilfred Ndidi Leicester Mad About PL, Goonertalk, African Football, Sun Midfielder, Man U want him too
56 Saul Niguez At Madrid Mirror, Arsenal Station £130m will get him.  Midfielder
57 Stephen N’Zonzi Sevilla Football London Def midfield.  In March FL had him “jetting to London) now they are not so sure.  Maybe he got lost.
58 Abulkadir Omur Trabzonspor Turkish football says Ozil recommends him Central midfield
59 Oguzhan Ozyakup Besiktas Mail.  Football London says Wenger obsessed the transfer Arsenal to bring back their ex-player at the end of his contract
NEW Cristan Pavon Boca Juniors. Mirror says WHU want him, Sports Mole says we are close We’ve already held talks.  He’s 22, a forward
61 Danilo Pereira Porto O Jogo Defensive midfield, currently injured
62 Dennis Praet Sampdoria Football London says one we we must have him, next week no Attacking midfielder
63 Pablo Moreno Barcelona Mundo Deportivo He’s 15 and his contract runs out at the end of the season
64 Jan Oblak Atletico Mad FootballBible; Gibfootballshow, Star Goalkeeper also wanted by Chelsea and Liverpool.  100m euros.  At Mad “expect him to leave”
65 Panagiotis Retsos Bayer Leverkusen Goal, 4th official Greek South African defender
66 Ivan Rakitic Barcelona Star Attacking midfield
NEW Rodrigo Valencia Fotomac, Football Fancast Selling Lacazette to buy him.  He’s a 27 year old winger
68 Sergio Rico Sevilla Football London Goalkeeper; won the Europa twice
UPDATE Sokratis Papastathopoulos Borussia Dortmund Birmingham Live, Gazzetta dello Sport, Football London, Evening Standard, Read Arsenal.  Hatchet job from Pain in the Ars.  L’Équipe says it is done Man U, Juventus, Chelsea interested in 29 year old defender.  Arsenal now favourites.  He’s going to be 1st signing.  Final details being arranged
70 Adrien Rabiot PSG Football Lond spotted him at London Colney Defensive midfield; 1 year left on contract
71 Richarlison Watford EPL Scouts, 4th Official Forward, Chels & Tots also; Arsenal miss out & Arsenal to hijack deal, both on same site!!!
72 Daniele Rugani Juventus Whoscored Defender.  Agent confirms
NEW Morgan Sanson  Bordeaux Express says we are fighting Tottenham for this player 23 years old, midfielder
73 Jean-Michael Seri Nice Mentioned on Arsenal.com.  From the Mirror and Metro, Star, Mail, Standard, Hard Tackle Midfielder but Arsenal have been too slow and Chelsea have got him, just as they lost out last window.
74 Bassem Srarfi Nice Foot Lond – but they changed their mind. Winger or midfielder.  He’s 20.  Going to Leicester?
75 Andre Silva Milan Mad about EPL Attacking midfield “sensation” but failed to show his attributes this year.  Wolverhampton also interested.
76 Chris Smalling Man U Daily Canon, Sport 360, Daily Star, Guardian £25m will get him
Update Caglar Söyüncü  Freiburg Football Whispers, Arsenal Station, Sky Sports, Telegraph, Talksport, The Sun, ESPN, 100 Great Goal  Price about £35m Central midfield.  Liverpool, Man C, Dortmund “in race”.  He wants a guarantee of 1st team footie. He’s going to be the first signing
78 Anderson Talisca Benfica on loan to Besiktas O Jogo Brazilian attacking midfield
79 Kieran Tierney Celtic Football London Left Back
80 Corentin Tolisso Bayern Foot Lond Bayern bought him last year for €40 million.  Now Arsenal are buying him for €60 million. No!
Update Lucas Torreira Sampdoria TuttoMercatoWeb, Sport Review, the Metro, Calciomercato Sampdoria, the Express, Daily Star A defensive midfielder and he’s going to be first
82 Cengiz Ünder Roma Tuttomercato; he’s a goalscoring winger £26m offered £40m demanded
83 Josha Vagnoman Hamburg ESPN (2nd youngster player in the German league ever) Arsenal, Chelsea, Everton all want him
84 Timo Werner Leipzig Arsenal mania, Sun 21 year old who has scored a multitude of goals
85 Ben Wilmot Stevenage Sportsmole, Gunnersphere. The 72 18 year old played a dozen or so games.  Totts also interested. Price is £2m
NEW Jack Wilshere Arsenal Evening Standard saying he will not sign new contract until his playing position is defined by manager Obviously he’s with us but some sites now treat him as having left unless he signs again
87 Wilfried Zaha Crystal Palace Liga Financial Arsenal making a bid of £25m
88 Cristian Zapata Milan Giants Football News Defender
89 Piotr Zielinski Napoli The Mirror Midfielder: “An essential signing”
90 Andrija Zivkovic Benfica Football Facts, The Record, EatSleepSportArsenalStation, Telegraph, Giants, Tribal Football, Sport Witness 21 year old striker. Man U also want him  Price is £52m






7 Replies to “90 players Arsenal are signing, although one is a bit of a cheat. It’s the Jack the Ripper List”

  1. Sir,

    He may not be a new player but there is great news that Ainsley Maitland-Niles has signed a new long term contract and will wear the 15 shirt this next season. Well done and all the best for the new season to him.

  2. Another youngster, Yassin Fortune has left the club to join Swiss side FC. Scion. He has spent three years at Arsenal but a string of injuries has prevented him from progressing as he would have liked. I hope this move turns out well for him.

  3. Also announced today Robert Pires is rejoining the club as head coach to our U23 team for next season. I was right in expecting a new head coach but wrong about who it might be. Wellcome back Robert, good to have you back with us.

  4. AC.
    According to media reports, Maybe you wantedb to say Freddie Ljungberg is now the newly appointed Arsenal PL 2 squad head coach and not Robert Pires.

  5. AC.
    According to media reports, maybe you wanted to say Freddie Ljungberg is now the newly appointed Arsenal PL 2 squad head coach and not Robert Pires.

  6. Samuel,

    Thank you yes I did mean Freddie Ljunberg – senior moment I’m afraid!

Comments are closed.