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December 2018
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The 7 top players Arsenal are signing this January (you can count them).

By Sir Hardly Anyone

One story says that Arsenal are losing money (largely because of two seasons out of the Champions League), and the owner has no intention of putting any extra money in to fund further purchases.

A second story says we are buying everyone imaginable.

In the midst of all that we have the troubling news that despite having to endure a constant stream of abuse, the official Premier League stats show that Mustafi is performing at such a level that he would earn a place in the imagined Premier League side of the month.  That couldn’t mean every pundit is wrong could it?

But  if the first story is wrong, and there is money available, only 3% of the players nominated to be coming to Arsenal will come, so it might be best not to get too excited about the options.   But still, if you are interested, here we go…

1: Eric Bailey.   

The headline: “Arsenal preparing to make second bid to sign star Premier League centre back” (who can’t get a game) just as Mustafi is recognised and Koscielny is ready to return and Sokratis is coming good.  And that is not to mention Rob Holding who for most of us at Untold has been doing great of late.  (Read Arsenal, The Metro)

Also: “Arsenal And Spurs Set For Battle To Land Manchester United Defender”  (The Sportsman)

Also: “Arsenal reportedly reaffirm interest in United centre-back” (Gunnersphere)

Make sense?  No.   But “Arsenal & Spurs set sights on Man United’s Eric Bailly” says 101 Great Goals.  And “Arsenal make second request to sign unhappy Man Utd star to solve problem for Unai Emery” the Metro tells us.  “Arsenal and Spurs pursue Eric Bailly as defender is left frustrated by Manchester United” is the Daily Record’s take.

2: Miguel Almiron

He’s Paraguayan and his agent has been spotted in Newcastle for reasons that will not become clear at this point.  Tottenham and Arsenal are interested.  Last month Talksport said he had already concluded a deal with Arsenal that would be signed in the window.  Or failing that, outside in the garden.

Gunners want Manchester United defender, Almiron  says Football London which means it is almost certainly computer generated waffle.

But then we have “Prem rival plots hijack of Arsenal’s January deal for MLS star Almiron in the Metro so maybe not after all.

Who and what is he?   He is a number 10, plays in the American league, and is 24.

Make sense?   No.  Why would we buy another number 10 who has no experience of the Premier League?

3: Mario Hermoso

He plays for Espanyol.  He’s a centre back.  Yet another centre back.

“Arsenal interested in triggering €40m release clause to sign 23-year-old Spaniard” says Arsenal Fever

Make sense?  Nope.  See above.

4: Medhi Benatia

“Huge transfer boost for Arsenal as top target hands is a transfer request.”  This from Read Arsenal.  He plays for Juventus, or at least he is on their books but hardly getting a game at … centre back.  Oh yes he is 31.   The same website also did “Central defenders Arsenal could sign to rejuvenate their back line” just afterwards.  It seems it is a specialist topic for them.

And then within minutes Team Talk come up with “Arsenal, Man Utd lifted as Moroccan target submits transfer request”

“Arsenal could land defender in January with club considering sale” says Read Arsenal re-running it all over again.

Make sense?  Nope.  Why buy a 31 year old when we have the older variety in Kos and the younger in Holding.

5: Cengiz Under 

He’s a winger and he plays for Roma and Team Talk tell us that “Man Utd, Arsenal and Spurs to scout £44m international attacker on Friday.”

“Agent says £11.5m Arsenal-linked goalscoring midfielder will ‘certainly’ play in Premier League” pronounces the Daily Cannon talking of the same man.

While we also get “Arsenal, Liverpool and City battling for deal to sign Roma star” in Read Arsenal.

“Club worried about losing star winger with Arsenal chasing his signature says Read Arsenal” in a second article on exactly the same topic within minutes of the other one.  Odd that.

6: Emerson

Arsenal & Chelsea keen on Brazilian 19-year-old right back Emerson (101 Great Goals).  Do we need another right back?

7: Ousmane Dembele

Talk Sport like to go down their own routes.  It doesn’t make them any more reliable as tipsters, in fact the reverse, but it does give us another player.  Here’s the headline…

“Spanish report claims Arsenal will fight Liverpool for Ousmane Dembele”

But the Mirror has “Ousmane Dembele told 3 things he must do to save Barcelona career after crunch talks”.

And that I think will do.  It’s all gibberish of course, and it occupies about 90% of the Arsenal stories on the new blenders.  Funny that.

 

 

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