By Dr Billy “the Dog” McGraw
Having a spot of spare time while sitting in a traffic jam I thought I would take a look at the biggest stories around and give you a quick translation into English from the journaleese nonsense language that they are normally written in.
It is, as they say, all part of the service.
‘I am leaving Arsenal’ – Crucial behind-the-scenes man at Emirates announces his exit
This is from the Express group of newspapers and tells us that the groundsman is leaving.
Still good to see that Untold isn’t the only place that has typos. Retrurn, in case you missed it.
‘Terminate his contract’ – A lot of Arsenal fans don’t want to see anymore from returning ace
Opinion: Arsenal must rival £35m Tottenham bid for Brazilian who’d be perfect alongside Torreira
This is as it says, an opinion piece, and good on them for making that clear in the opening word. The player is Allan and the sourcec if Calcio Napoli24. Apparently Tottenham Hotspur “are considering making an offer of €40 million (Approximately £35m) for Napoli midfielder” and so should we. Which is interesting since most sites are still arguing that it is our defence that is awful and needs sorting.
Emery to start Mustafi and Elneny? Predicted 4-2-3-1 Arsenal XI to face Vorskla in the Europa…
But the story is that Jessica Samuelsson is injured. As in “Jessica Samuelsson was spotted on Sunday wearing a cast as the player confirmed she has suffered another injury. Jessica Samuelsson signed for Arsenal in mid-August 2017. After only a handful of appearances, she suffered a ruptured ligament in her foot while on international duty when she fell awkwardly.”
Ah, “spotted.” Do you remember the days when players were constantly spotted at the airport. Maybe we should have a campaign to restore old forgotten headlines.
“After watching Arsenal struggle to beat Bournemouth, I couldn’t help but think that the Gunners need someone like Alexis Sanchez back in the line up. ”
Yes, well. Moving on…
Arsenal news live recap: Mislintat to hold talks with Man United midfielder, €7.5m release…
But they did sneak in and the story is that “According to UOL, which I think is a Brazilian website, “Arsenal are set to hold talks with Manchester United midfielder Andreas Pereira and his representatives over a summer move.”
So “set to” and “hold talks” – that isn’t really a big story, but the Man U midfielder gets the interest rising. “The player reportedly has offers from other clubs including Chelsea and Paris Saint-Germain.”
Or so we are told.
And just as I was wrapping this up, another one appeared which is not in the top ranked stories but gave me pause for thought. The notion is presented in the headline that maybe Arsenal should just forfeit the game on Thursday and not bother to go.
They could do of course but they would a) be thrown out of this year’s Europa and b) probably be banned from all European competitions for the next three years at least. That would significantly reduce Arsenal’s income and thus reduce the number of players who could be bought, and thus reduce the amount of piffle that could be published.
Although since that final point would only follow in a logical world, perhaps not.
- What every football club (and most certainly Arsenal) is aiming for.
- The apparent decline of Tottenham and the question of care for players elsewhere
- Positive injury news for Arsenal ahead Monday’s game with Sheffield United
- Arsenal’s finances stay secure but we can expect more price rises for fans
- How a 14th monk described Arsenal’s failure to buy Moisés Caicedo and Mykhailo Mudryk