SATIRE: Could Hérold Goulon be Arsenal’s  answer for the problematic  ‘central spine’?

From  Brickfields Gunners

Could Hérold Goulon be Arsenal’s  answer for the problematic  ‘central spine ‘  in our defensive midfield  and  center back /positions? 

Who ? You may well ask. Although Goulon  has played before in the English league ,the Frenchman has been  mostly plying  of his trade in the lower leagues for most of his career.  Injuries , as well as  having had  other personal problems  has stunted his progress in football.

But this may all be set to change , as the football world stood still in  stunned amazement  and awe  as he scored a  jaw dropping stunning,tremendous and astounding freekick from his own half , for his present Malaysian club Pahang, in an FA Cup semi final game on  Saturday night.  He had also scored earlier from a header in the first half, but this time obviously from within the  confines of the opponents’ penalty box !

It is believed that this goal will earn him a  good shot at the FIFA Goal of the Season., or the  FIFA Puskás  Award .  If he wins it, he will be the second player from the Malaysian League to achieve it , following in the footsteps of Penang’s Mohd Faiz Subri, who won it in 2016.

The criteria to winning the award is as following (from Wiki )…

  • It should be a beautiful goal (subjective — the spread of goals should include long-range shots, team goals, overhead kicks, individual plays, etc.).
  • It should be awarded “without distinction of championship, gender or nationality”.[1]
  • It should not be the result of luck, mistakes, deflection by another player or the player in a offside position.
  • It should support fair play, i.e. the player should not have behaved badly in the game or have been charged with doping, for example.

Hérold Goulon attended  the famous  Clairefontaine academy that produced such luminaries such as ,  former Arsenal  French greats ,  Nicolas Analeka ,  Abou Diaby ,William  Gallas ,  Thierry Henry ; as well as  Hatem Ben Arfa , Louis Saha , Kylian Mbappe and Blaise Matuidi . He has represented the French U-21 team.

In his younger days, his play was likened to that of another of our  ex-Arsenal  French greats, Patrick Vieira, and this was  what prompted  ‘Big’ Sam Allardyce to sign  him up for Blackburn Rovers in 2010 .  Full article here – –  .

Allardyce, as the regular readers of this blog will know, is the only  England  International manager to have  achieved a 100% record win . So he must have seen something  very special in the young Goulon  that the other  top managers of that time including SAF and AW missed. Alas, Allardyce was  soon sacked by the new owners, Venky’s who knew chicken shit about football.

So,  because of these events ,  Hérold Goulon was to fall off the radar, but with last weekend’s performance,  and his astounding goal, the internet is abuzz with this player . Weather he is the answer to our well known central defensive frailties, only time will tell. But you have all been suitably informed of his second coming  to the EPL .

Here is the player’s career record.

Years Team Games Goals
2006–2008 Middlesbrough 0 0
2008–2010 Le Mans 37 0
2010–2012 Blackburn Rovers 4 0
2011–2012 Doncaster Rovers (loan) 6 0
2013–2014 Zawisza Bydgoszcz 24 2
2015–2016 Omonia 20 2
2016 Viitorul Constanța 4 0
2017 Doxa Katokopias 15 1
2017–2018 Pafos 26 2
2018 Ermis Aradippou 9 0
2019– Pahang FA 14 4
Brickfields Gunners

6 Replies to “SATIRE: Could Hérold Goulon be Arsenal’s  answer for the problematic  ‘central spine’?”

  1. I think it is useful to have a number of players who can put the ball on target (the goal) from (almost) anywhere they commonly should be found on the field. Obviously, it is the most difficult for the goalkeeper to put a ball on the opposition’s goal. I thought Jenkinson had a strong enough foot. Xhaka can do this. Others would be nice.

    I don’t know that Goulon is a likely candidate to join the EPL. But I think it would be nice if his shot is considered Puskas or similar.

  2. Coupon on the Arsenal radar this summer? He can’t be. Or is he?

  3. @ Gord – 24/06/2019 at 6:11 pm – After watching that clip , I got to thinking that if a defender could score from that distance , Arsenal ought to buy him pronto.

    Not only would he be able to add value to our goal scoring, he would also need not ‘adventure’ too far forwards , and get caught in the event of a breakaway . Which is a well known problem for us.

    Every freekick in our own half will soon have the opposition quaking in their boots, and causing panic in their midst. And we would have an added potent offensive threat.

    Similar to what used to happen to us ,and others when Stoke City’s Rory Delap took throw ins . .

    And we don’t have to hire a specialist ball boy to hold the drying towel !

  4. @ SAA -24/06/2019 at 8:50 pm – I have submitted my claim with the supporting evidence . Let those drunken ‘wise’ ones at the Toppled Bollard public house , decide on its merits !

  5. And speaking of alcoholics and their perception …

    Son : “Daddy what is an alcoholic ?”
    Father : ” Do you see those 4 trees,son ? An alcoholic would see 8 trees .”
    Son : ” Um, Dad , there are only 2 trees ….!”

  6. I thought we Brits invented satire, but this has gone right over my head. What have I missed here?

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