Arsenal ready to sign dangerous Mexican amidst airport chaos.

by Sir Hardly Anyone

Of all the dubious headlines on offer “Arsenal need new recruits – perhaps more so than any other traditional Big Six side” is the most misleading, given that the top six spenders of last summer are all doing worse (or very occasionally a little better) with their new recruits this season than they did last year.

But the Mirror journalists really hate Arsenal and besides, reality has never been their thing, so they would love to see the club spend more and more and go down further and further.  And so it is that they run the headline in their 50 Arsenal tales a day blog Football London

1. Arsenal set to confirm £7.5m transfer as Pablo Mari is ‘spotted’ at airport with Edu (FoLo)

Yes we really are back in the world of spotted at the airport and there really is chaos out there as journalists pack the terminal buildings to do their spotting.    “Arsenal supporters should brace themselves for a transfer announcement,” they say, and I ask, “What does that actually mean?”   Are we supposed to sit down and grip the table?  Especially in the knowledge that there is on average a 97% chance that this is untrue.

Mind you FoLo reach new depths with Arsenal and Atletico Madrid ‘in contact over possible move for Thomas Lemar’ (at least according to the Daily Mail).  It couldn’t be that the Mirror has got the wrong man could it?

But no, having it both ways, and with those 50 story slots a day to fill FoLo also give us “Arsenal supporter ‘works out the flight Pablo Mari is on’ to finalise £7.5m transfer” and that is supposed to be news.

The Star, for whom the notion of actually employing journalists was not an issue when they were chasing Jack the Ripper in the late 19th century, don’t actually seem to have any journalists, so that’s as good as it gets and with that they run the headline, “Arsenal transfer target Pablo Mari ‘travels to London to undergo medical’.”   And a few minutes later, “Pablo Mari tipped to ‘sign contract until 2024’ as Arsenal transfer edges closer.”

HITC proclaim that according to UOL Esporte, “Flamengo defender Pablo Mari has travelled to London to sign for Arsenal – and will undergo a medical.”   Flamengo RJ claim that whilst Mari’s release clause is €30million, Arsenal will be paying just a third of that.

Additionally, Coluna Do Fla have released a photo of Mari at the airport with Edu.   You don’t get a “spotted at the airport” story for years and then six fly in at once!

And the Metro, as ever taking up the rear, goes with “Arsenal target Pablo Mari flies to London with Edu to complete transfer

2.  Mykola Matviyenko loan deal. 

And so we turn back in desperation to FoLo   Story number 17 this morning told us that a Ukrainian TV station or website (it is hard to say) that Arsenal “are offering a loan fee of €5.3m (£4.5m) to secure the January signing of Shakhtar Donetsk defender Mykola Matviyenko.”

And how, exactly, would they know that, when no one else does?  Best not to ask.

3.  But it is not all good news

Mikel Arteta dealt transfer blow with Arsenal target Layvin Kurzawa set to join Juventus from PSG according to the Metro.   But since the deal was probably never on in the first place, I think we can by-pass that one and move on…

4.  The Mirror’s three that we are going to sign

  • Jerome Boateng
  • Layvin Kurzawa
  • Dayot Upamecano

Perhaps when the window shuts we might come back to that one and see if they are right.

5: The dangerous Mexican

The 4th official rather amusingly relying on AS English suggest that Arsenal are said to be “eyeing up a summer swoop for the services of Wolverhampton Wanderers’ Mexican international striker Raul Jimenez”  who is described in the piece as a “dangerous Mexican”.

6:  Lemar will not go away

Despite all the new names being circulated the Mail does not like to give up on old tales in which they have invested so many man and woman hours with their investigative journalism now turn up with “Arsenal and Atletico Madrid ‘in contact over possible move for Thomas Lemar’.” It is a perfect lesson for anyone seeking to be a journalist – no matter how old or discredited the story there is always more mileage to be got out of it.

Talksprout are there as well with “Arsenal back in for Lemar, Barca consider move for Giroud”

7: Jude Bellingham

Manchester United are said to be ready to buy the “Birmingham teenage sensation” for £30m but in order to keep Arsenal fans reading, Arsenal are also “said to be interested”.   It is of course a FoLo tale.

8. Jerome Boateng

“Links to Bayern Munich defender Boateng refuse to go away despite the German club stating they do not want to let him go during this window,” say FoLo (again).  And why do they refuse to go away?  Because FoLo keep on bringing them up.

9.  Layvin Kurzawa

“Arsenal were said to be in advanced talks to sign Paris Saint-Germain left-back Kurzawa earlier this month, with the Frenchman struggling for game time under Thomas Tuchel.  However, his contract expires at the end of the season so could possibly be a free transfer signing for the Gunners in the summer instead.”

Notice that “were said to be in advanced talks” comment at the start.  Said by whom?  Well, actually the people who are now reporting it.  And who might that be?  I leave you to guess.

10: Make it up yourself.

Yes you too can be a journalist equalling the activities of scribblers and dribblers working for newspapers and broadcasters.  Take a name – any name (make one up if you like) of any player.  Take an airport – any airport (again, make one up if you wish).   See the player at the airport (no need actually to leave the house, you just say someone – unnamed – did the spotting).  Make up the name of a foreign sounding newspaper or TV station.  Blame them.  Publish it.

Hey presto, you are a football journalist.  Please submit your contribution below.

11 Replies to “Arsenal ready to sign dangerous Mexican amidst airport chaos.”

  1. Wasn’t it these same highly informed sources that kept the completely stupid – Liverpool to sign Martinelli – story going, and in the process got all the Liverpool pods and websites wetting their pants with excitement. It never crossed anyone’s mind to check that Martinelli is signed to Arsenal for a further four and a half years!

  2. Arsenal scouts keep drones to help with identifying possible transfer targets at present 85.6 % of all football pitches are monitored this way.additionally if a player is identified then central control in a secret location somewhere in the home counties sends a letter of invitation to a fair trial.

  3. Arsenal target new Brazillian Romario! Babu Jesus was signed to Corinthians at the tender age of just 2 years old. He progress has been monitored by Arsenal ever since. First seen by Wenger on a summer vacation to Sao Paolo, Arsenal signed a pre-contract agreement when he was just 8 years old, to fend off Europe’s big guns. Now he is 18 next week and ready to take the Premiership by storm just as his compatriot Martinelli has done.
    He will be jetting into London on Monday morning for a medical and put pen to paper on a £45,000 a week, 5 year contract.
    Arsenal are said to be delighted.

    Do i get a job at the Mirror yet lol

  4. No left footed CB ever made a success in the EPL..can you think of one?.

    World game I can say Passerella and Maldini.

  5. Could it possibly get any worse….
    The officials for Monday’s match at Bournemouth are, wait for it ……
    Mike Dean in charge, Lee Mason as fourth official and Martin Atkinson in charge of the VAR.
    Not content in screwing us in the league they want to screw us in the cup as well.

  6. You forgot to mention that Santi is coming back for a second stint. Could be the world’s smallest Centre half.

  7. It would seem that Sp*rs are taking cues from the American Football teams playing over in the marshes. Dele Ali set up Son’s goal with a beautiful block on the Southampton defender, freeing up the Korean to walk in unimpeded and beat the keeper … as clear a foul as I’ve seen and VAR let the goal stand.

  8. According to the Times this morning Atkinson is the ref.

    Should we not be complimented and proud that PGML regard us as so good they ensure that their “top” refs are in charge of almost every game we play.

    THis attention is getting beyond a joke.

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