From Kluivert to Smith Rowe, the Arsenal future you simply won’t believe!

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Senior psychologist at the University College Hospital of the North Circular Road (now shut) 

Amazing though it will seem, each one of these stories has appeared on a blog or in a newspaper in the last 48 hours.

1: Justin Kluivert

“Super agent” (which I think means a man who tells the clubs who they want and then sells them the player on his books, although I make no allegation here at all against Mino Raiola) could “engineer a deal where Arsenal sign Justin Kluivert and Roma sign loan star Henrikh Mkhitaryan permanently.”

Justin Dean Kluivert is Dutch; he plays as a winger for Roma and the Netherlands  The story is in the Sun, the Mirror and on Sky Sports.

2:  The Midfield

Fresh Arsenal tell us that “Arsenal’s midfield clearly lacks structure, defensive discipline, the ability to build attacks from deep and some physical strength.”  Which is a bit tough considering the results so far this year…  Mind you although that quote comes from Fresh Arsenal a lot of blogs have taken the same view:

Date Game Res Score Competition
01 Jan 2020 Arsenal v Manchester United W 2-0 Premier League
06 Jan 2020 Arsenal v Leeds United W 1-0 FA Cup
11 Jan 2020 Crystal Palace v Arsenal D 1-1 Premier League
18 Jan 2020 Arsenal v Sheffield United D 1-1 Premier League
21 Jan 2020 Chelsea v Arsenal D 2-2 Premier League
27 Jan 2020 AFC Bournemouth v Arsenal W 1-2 FA Cup
02 Feb 2020 Burnley v Arsenal D 0-0 Premier League
16 Feb 2020 Arsenal v Newcastle United W 4-0 Premier League
20 Feb 2020 Olympiakos v Arsenal W 0-1 Europa League
23 Feb 2020 Arsenal v Everton W 3-2 Premier League
27 Feb 2020 Arsenal v Olympiakos L 1-2 Europa League
02 Mar 2020 Portsmouth v Arsenal W 0-2 FA Cup
07 Mar 2020 Arsenal v West Ham United W 1-0 Premier League

That is one defeat in 13.  I am not sure how that is possible with a “midfield clearly (which) lacks structure, defensive discipline, the ability to build attacks from deep and some physical strength.”  But I am sure they know best.

3: FFP will be changes

“UEFA chief Ceferin has confirmed changes will be made to the FFP system to aid clubs in any recovery” beIN Sports tells us when not trying to scupper BeOutQ.

“The situation is extraordinary and we will not pretend that it’s not so we will adapt the Financial Fair Play system, but the final decision in which direction we will do it is not brought yet so yes we will adapt,” he said.

“We think it’s important to adapt it because the situation for the clubs is not easy and we are all in the same boat here, but it’s again too soon to share details of how we will do it because the clubs are included in the conversation and the leagues are also included in the conversation.”

4: John-Jules will go on loan next season.

That certainty comes from TBR.

5: Serhou Guirassy.

He plays for Amiens and is a 24 year old striker, and is Arsenal bound according to the Daily Mail.  But WHU and Bournemouth are also interested.  (Metro, Mirror, Standard also have it).

6:  Achraf Hakimi 

Another name about to appear on our transfer list for the first time.   He is a right wing back who can also play as a winger and TBR Football seems certain he’s on his way to us.

7: Moussa Diaby (no relation)

Bayer Leverkusen signed him from PSG after he had played 25 games for them, for just £13.5m but now Le10Sport says he is available again.  He’s a winger.  Do we need another winger? (Metro, FoLo, Mail think we do).

8 Justin Kluivert. 

A winger who plays for Roma, who is 21 and who the Daily Star says is coming our way as part of a swap deal for Mkhitaryan.   No relation to Justin Thyme.

9.  Neto

For five days Neto was the toast of the journalists who found themselves unable to resist the notion of a goalkeeper with that name.  Can you imagine every time the opposition scores, “Oh no its gone in the Net.  Ohhhhhh” etc etc.    He is with Barcelona,    FoLo says he’s coming from Barcelona to Arsenal to get more game time which seems rather odd given that we have a rather good goalkeeper.  Atletico Madrid and AC Milan are also after him we are told.

But then FoLo blame the Express.  However the Metro agree he is on the way..  Caught offside say Chelsea want him.

10: Silva

“Rafa Silva eager to join Arsenal as Gunners launch ‘strong’ bid to sign £71.5m star” says the  Metro who insist he wants to come to the club.  The Boot Room says he will only cost £15m.

He is an attacking midfielder with Benfica who has played 81 times for them and scored 27 goals

11  Smith Rowe

“Huddersfield Town loan ace Emile Smith Rowe could be set for first-team plans at Arsenal”   Thus sayeth Yorkshire Live.

12.  Dani Ceballos

Dani makes Arsenal promise as he sends clear message to Real Madrid boss Zidane

That gem comes from the Express and his message is that he will try harder.

13.  Franck Kessie

This is late-breaking news (in that I just broke a cup while trying to make my morning coffee having been told I’m behind schedule and the result is a wet computer)… Arsenal are reportedly tempted to make a bid for AC Milan midfielder Franck Kessie.   This comes from hammersnews, and is interesting as it is a sign that “reportedly” is still alive and kicking somewhere in the universe.

14: Making a transfer but not knowing it?

And the new man is the young man: Joe Willock.  He is tipped to “step up” by FoLo.

And there we have it.  Football is still suspended no one has any money and yet all these transfers are going to go through.   I wonder what these clever journalists know that no one tells us.

When we next publish the list of transfers nominated by the media so far ahead of the window creaking open in mid-June we will be getting rather close to 100 players!  In this year of no money and a pandemic, there are more transfers for Arsenal promised than ever before.  Now where is the sense in that?