By Sir Hardly Anyone
Having got everything so wrong about Arsenal in their coverage of the last three year – particularly
- 2019/20 – Arsenal were the most yellow carded team in the league,
- 2020/21 – no one predicted yellow cards would slip from 86 in 2019/20 to 47 in 2020/21 nor that having been 15th after the first third of the season the club would be second across the last two thirds of the season
- 2021/22 – no one predicted Arsenal would lose their opening 3 games nor that across the remaining 35 games in the league the club would be third.
… you might expect the self-proclaimed experts, correspondents, reporters and the like would have calmed down a bit but no, they carried on with their wild and whacky predictions each one saying that Asenal would at best end up fifth. Obviously, we don’t know yet what will happen in the end, but certainly none of these “experts” had Arsenal top of the league at Christmas – nor even in the top four.
And yet despite this gross and continuing failure of the journalists to foresee any of the key points surrounding Arsenal in the last three and a half seasons they still have the nerve to come out and report the players Arsenal will be signing in the depths of January! It is extraordinary, bizarre and bonkers.
I mean, what sort of nerve must you have to get EVERYTHING wrong and then still go on and keep predicting what will happen! It’s worse than being an astrologer – for at least they occasionally get something right. Indeed I think rather than “football reporters” we should call these people “football astrologers”.
Of course with transfers, they all cover themselves by reporting what someone else (usually in a foreign land) has predicted, so that one can never get to the origins of the story but they just keep on keeping on. Apology is there none, either for the fact that their rumours never turn out to be true, and they all miss the biggest stories that there are concerning Arsenal.
And it is not so much that they get things wrong, it’s more that they ignore the facts. Why are they so utterly and totally inept? A five year old child could do better working by chance.
But they are still there and so it still behoves Untold to make fun of them. Thus here are the players who almost certainly will NOT be transferring to Arsenal in January – and we can say “not” because these journalists all say it is happening…
|1||Tammy Abraham||Forward||Roma||TBR Caught Offside|
|2||Rodrigo Becao||Defender||Udinese||Arsenal Station, Caught Offside|
|3||Samuel Chukwueze||Winger||Villarreal||Liverpool Echo, Caught Offside|
|4||Danilo||Midfield||Aston Villa||Caught offside|
|5||Cody Gakpo||Striker||PSV||TBR Express|
|6||Alejandro Garnacho.||Winger||Man U||TBR|
|7||Ilkay Gundogan||Winger||Man C||FoLo|
|9||Mykhaylo Mudryk||Winger||Shakhtar Donetsk||TBR; FoLo , Newcastle World Mailonline. Shields Gazette Caught offside Mirror HITC|
|10||Noah Okafor,||Forward||RB Salzburg||FoLo; Sport Witness, Hammers News, HITC Mirror|
|11||Cristiano Ronaldo||Forward||Man U||Express|
|12||Milan Skriniar||Centre back||Inter||Football Talk, FoLo, HITC|
|13||Marcus Thuram||Goalscoring forward||Borussia Monchengladbach||Caught offside TBR|
|14||Youri Tielemans||Midfield||Barcelona||FoLo, PG Sport Gooner Talk|
|15||Facundo Torres||Wing||Orlando City||Express|
|16||Leandro Trossard||Winger||Brighton||Sussex Express|
So that’s the first 16. If we find any more we’ll add them to the list for the next run through. But based on previous accuracy levels of two to three percent accuracy we can say the most likely outcome is that none of these players will arrive in the winter transfer window.
Arteta’s revolution: the transformation of Arsenal
- How Arteta built the new Arsenal and took us to the top of the league Part 1.
- Arteta’s revolution: How the media missed Arsenal’s change after Xmas Day 2020. Part 2
- How Arteta revolutionised Arsenal: Part 3 – the summer of 2021
- How Arteta became Arsenal’s most successful manager Ever: Part 4 – From 2021 onward
- Football is blindly walking into its biggest ever crisis. Part 1
- Why this season is not a one-off for Arsenal, but probably a sign of things to come
- Why, when a player assaults a referee, the ultimate guilty party is the media
- Arsenal and Tottenham both built stadia, and each suffered the consequence. But…
- Being a visionary is not as easy as it looks
3 Replies to “The 16 players who Arsenal will sign in January – according to the “experts””
According to football.london I see the old ‘Supercomputer’ has been taken off ‘saving the World from economic meltdown’ duties again in an effort to find out who may or may not win the Premier league.
It comes up with the shocking revelation that it might be pretty close. They say:
“The supercomputer result sees Arsenal and Man City having equal chances of 48.4% to win the league heading into the World Cup break. In the projected final table, Arsenal are tipped to beat City to the 2022/23 Premier League title by the narrowest of margins with a points gap of just 0.4 points over the run of simulations.”
Someone better tell Gary Neville cos he still thinks it will be Man City by a massive 14 points.
To be fair, if I want to know anything about anything I would always turn to Mr Neville before one of those no nothing supercomputers. I mean who wouldn’t.
Still, every time the weather forecast is wrong we can always blame Football.London for stealing time on the computers that are used to plot weather patterns.
I’m seeing a Yorkshire Post supercomputer that is predicting slightly different results (a 3 point win for City).
You just can’t trust these supercomputers. The old saying “Garbage in, Garbage out” still holds true.
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