INTRO
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Nearly every other day either a new and juicy scandal breaks or some allegedly well kept secret is revealed . How does this impact Untold Arsenal ? Well , UA and its inner core of reporters /investigators have been exposing the wrong doings going on in football for years .
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As its readership grew ( Over 6.25 million page views in the past year), it apparently became a threat to the old established orders .
Years before the rest of the world caught on , Untold Arsenal had been highlighting (ad nauseam), the misdeeds of FIFA ,UEFA , the English FA and other national FAs, the shady and secretive PGMOB and the complicit and pliable media. That Arsenal were disproportionally bearing the brunt of it was very evident to the AKBs, and whose sense of injustice was what drew us all here.
THE DISEASE
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We have had people come on here to call Tony, Walter and the rest as mad conspiracy theorists, and other unsavoury names, and instead of looking at the proof in the bulk of the evidence provided, they would try to cast aspersions on the authors of articles . Many gave vague threats of retribution and violence (some others just tore their season tickets, started wearing black scarves and carrying black bin bags! Some made stupid banners.) Many may have tried to disrupt the site by cyber attacks . There have been so many instances that this site was on occasion not accessible for hours on end. Sometimes even days. That was when the experts , including the Brickfields Gunners was called in to go after ‘them ‘.
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With Internet technology advancing and accelerating at such a breakneck speed and exhilarating rate (as opposed to the normal usage of brains), it was only be a matter of time before this site started to use the latest state of the art gizmos and gadgets to prevent and keep out all and any unwanted ‘intrusions’ and casual excursions by ‘them’ .
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The AKBs have been regularly calling out for the culling of the undesirables who just love to gatecrash in here unwashed , uninvited and unwanted, to stink up the place, and to allow the faithful to wander in without any hindrance and undue irritation from ‘them’ . This will allow the true believers to absorb the truth, facts and the varied arguments and points within the hallowed confines and comfort of a cyber safe cocoon .
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So what are these new and marvellous inventions and innovations that The Brickfields Gunners has installed, you ask. Well , here goes …..
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THE CURE –
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1. The first login LOCK & LOAD – Each new login will automatically be ‘assigned ‘ a special coded nano virus bug that can never, ever be effaced from records . It also crosses the human skin barrier, so that it will infected the pest … I think I meant the host! So, if the person ever tries to post under different names he will be easily detected and ‘quarantined’, while his device will experience ‘the runs’ via spam and all other unwanted popups ! He in turn will be laid open for a ‘cleansing ‘ ofMontezuman proportions !
Don’t even think of clicking the DISLIKE button repeatedly!
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2. The Double Barrel Effect – Here, the regular disingenuous perpetrator who comes here on to pooh-pooh well researched articles with his stupidity and ignorance will be blasted to smithereens . Again his devices will experience ‘disturbances ‘ at very odd times and at very inappropriate moments, and that too in very high decibels. From The Donald’s embarrassing ramblings, Don King’s speeches, to elevator music and even ….shudder …..White Rap (Ice , ice baby ! ) !
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For the individual too , he will be prone to outbursts – the nano virus corrupts his nervous system and he loses control of certain body functions. Especially the vocal cords, the gastric, anal and urinary sphincter control. And lots of painful and unwanted boners!
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3. The Blunderbuss – This is for the harmless but loud, bleating stupid sheep like that don’t think for themselves and make fools of themselves on here. The loud sounds of laughter and derision that emits, when their devices ring or when in use as well as whenever they say the darnest things, ought to stop them in their tracks and get them to rethink . Until they repent this will be their assigned Avatar on UA – https://www.youtube.com/
This is also of course how they will sound whenever they open their mouths !
4. The Derringer – This is for those sly, small minded but poisonous posters who try to insinuate themselves here, with their mixture of slime and hate. The effect ? It hits like a mule’s short but sweet kick to the nads ! The devices will give out a sharp and sustained burst of electric charge. Takes time recovering from this one, and boy, oh boy, is it going to hurt! No sex anytime ! Semen will be fried and no further passing of genes will be possible .
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This is of course is only the very beginning , and as more funding becomes available for research, newer fail safe additions will be included. We have been contacted by certain interested investors quite recently who are apparently and suddenly awash with a lot of offshore cash!
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Since all AKBs and the faithful will be afforded and accorded suitable and safe protection , the above is for only ‘them’. Yes, YOU !
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You have been warned !
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BUT GO ON , MAKE OUR DAY !
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- The Brickfields Gunners Blog – Fantasy Football Series Part 1 .
- Ref Review: Everton – Arsenal, more of the terrible the same….
- Behold, the new brilliant Arsenal. From the incredible Elneny-Coquelin axis, forwards and back, the world beckons.
- Arsenal – Watford : 4-0 the match report as late as the bus…
Danny Karbassiyoon’s book “The Arsenal Yankee” with a foreword by Arsene Wenger is now published. You can buy the book…
- On line here for £14.95, plus delivery
- Or by phone on 01536 399 011 using a credit card.
- Or by Pay Pal to Jane@hamilton-house.com Don’t forget to enter the title of the book and your delivery address on the Pay Pal site, and calculate the full amount including delivery, see below.
- Or by post to Hamilton House Mailings Ltd., Earlstrees Ct., Earlstrees Rd., Corby, Northants NN17 4HH with a cheque.
The book is also available on Kindle.
He he he he – I wish 🙂
Write/right on ‘the brick’ by our one and only Brickfields! 🙂
Haha, offshore cash 🙂
Well done Brickfields! I really enjoyed the possibilities as outlined!
Looking forward to part 2.
Couldn’t stop laughing, yet couldn’t stop reading! Imagine my agony! You, my man, are simply the best!
Very good stuff!
Hilarious!
Thanks , guys . It’s all apparently working well , as most of ‘them’ have been infected and disabled ! Fells so fresh and non stinky today !
In part 2 ( and depending on the funding – our investors are being outed hourly!) we will be bringing out the big guns .
When I Was a KID ~
PUSSY Meant a CAT
SEX Meant GENDER
BITCH Was a FEMALE DOG
DICK Was a NAME of a cartoon film,
BANG Was a SOUND.
JOHN was a name .
NUTS were fruits
RUBBER Was Nothing But an ERASER
ASS Was An ANIMAL
COCK was a male bird
SCREW was Just a Fixing TOOL
HEAD Meant a Part of BODY
BALLS meant a Round TOY
LUBRICANT was oil
ORAL meant poetry recitation
& then…. I met U’all –my friends,….
And my education got messed up..!!!
Brick me lad….a marvelously wistful trip down sado-masochistic Lane!!! One question; what If the perpetrator is a female? No sordid details needed as most of these castigations would work quite well, but the BONER part might not, unless a gender transformation was part of the process….now that might be a great idea.
Don , that’s a question that I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole !
Oh ,oh , wait….let me rephrase that…..
Anyway sometimes I feel that most of ‘them’ sound a lot like these guys –
There’s Trouble Brewing Guys
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Several months ago, scientists at Europe’s annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.
The theory states that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn’t perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
“O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!” — William Shakespeare, Othello
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
“Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.” — Finley Peter Dunne
“Intoxicated /adj./ When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.” — Anonymous
“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” — Anonymous
http://brookstonbeerbulletin.com/beer-quotations/