FITNESS TO PRACTICE ABSOLUTE AND TRUE AKBISM
The word AKBISM , is derived from two distinct sources – the abbreviation AKB or Arsene Knows Best, is meant to represent that hardcore grouping of football fans that pledge their allegiance to that greatest manager of Arsenal, Arsene Wenger, while the ISM is a noun that is defined as a distinctive doctrine, theory or practice .
In its very finest essence it is the distinctive belief that our manager does really know best, and in whose hands we the AKBs place our trust, faith and hopes for the well being and betterment of Arsenal FC .
Over the years the numbers of AKBs had seem to have dwindled as they went underground as firstly that 9 years without a trophy crap was oft repeated, cruelly, but then totally abandoned by the winning of 2 back to back FA Cups.
It was soon followed by no EPL title in 12 years (very true), and that the 4th place is not a trophy naysayers. But last season’s third place finish (and FA Cup canter) and this season’s last game second place dramatic finish has re -galvanised interest in this 20 year old practice.
Millions of previously confused (blame the media for that!) and disfranchised Arsenal fans are now flocking back to the fold. Any many come on here on Untold Arsenal to read and learn from the most ardent, brilliant and loyal supporters that write and post on these hallowed halls.
As I welcome all you newbies and younglings here, I urge you to read, fill and sign the following forms to officially make you one of US . There are no fees or hidden costs, but I urge you to be sincere and true.
Brickfields Gunners .
DECLARATION FORM FOR THE PRACTICE OF ABSOLUTE
AND TRUE AKBISM
The ARSENE KNOWS BEST COUNCIL ( The “AKB Council” or hereafter termed the “Council” ) reserves all rights to withhold and/or to terminate an application for registration and/or to take any action it deems fit, if any information or documents tendered is found subsequently to be false.
It is an offence in the eyes of the High Canon, His Grace, the Attwood of Tony, to make any false statements, to provide any false information and/or document(s) to the Council.
The Council may make any inquiries or obtain any information and documents that it deems appropriate.
If you are unsure about whether a matter is important please inform the Council about it and provide full details to enable the Council to make a decision.
The information provided in this application will be governed by the Council’s Guidelines on Confidentiality.
Identity Card , Social Security or Passport Number :
Number of years as an Arsenal fan :
HEALTH /MENTAL CONDITION .
|a. Do you have a health/mental condition – YES / NO .
Note – Being called insane , stupid or foolish by fans of other clubs or even by ‘them’ cannot be deemed as a valid or informed diagnosis !
|(If the answer to the question is “Yes” please complete the rest of this section. If the answer is “No”, please go to next section )
b. Please state the full nature of the condition
c. What was the date of the diagnosis
d. Does the condition still affect you? YES / NO
e. If no, please state the date when you were last affected by the condition
If yes , state your present treatment and expected time of full recovery.
If you have been offered employment or gainfully employed – Have you informed them of your intention of becoming an avowed AKB? YES / NO
(If YES , go to the next section . )
If NO , then , why –
- Its none of his bloody business.
- He is a SPUD, and always tells me go back down/up the river .
- He is one of ‘them ‘. Always being negative .
- He is one of them who asks why not just have 22 balls, so that each one can do his own thang !
- other reasons ( please elaborate )
Have you ever been reprimanded, suspended or banned by a football club or a regulatory authority in your or any another country ?
** Please TAKE note that the Council does not recognize the authority of FIFA , UEFA , The English FA , The Premier League or that of PIGMOB , which in our eyes are more crooked than most governments.
YES / NO ( If the answer to the question is “Yes” please complete the rest of this section. If the answer is “No”, please go to next section.)
Details of the football authority that imposed the sanction, including your reference/registration number; documentary evidence of the sanction imposed; and a full statement from you of the background and grounds of the sanction. Information of any appeal on the sanction (successful or not) must be submitted. Humorous youtube videos and funny GIFs will be acceptable .
Has an employer ever taken disciplinary action against you for footballing reasons? YES /NO
( If YES , complete the rest of the section . If NO go on to the next section.)
Documentary evidence of the nature of the disciplinary action undertaken by the employer; contact details (Names, Address, Telephone number and Email) of person(s) involved at the employing organisation that we can approach to secure further information and details; and a full statement on the nature of the allegation and any other information you would wish us to consider. Information of any appeal including legal action (successful or not) must be submitted .
We will help ‘straighten out’ any mistakes done to you by sending the usual suspects to your place of employment . Soon you work life will be as joyous as supporting the Arsenal!
St. Totteringham’s Day is a legitimate public holiday and a day of great rejoicing for all Gunners . Any employer who does not allow this will be again visited by the ‘ boys ‘.
Have you ever been convicted of an offence in a court of law or been cautioned, either in your country or any another country ?
*** Again streaking in the 70s & 80s at football stadiums are not considered as real crimes! As are certain happenings at Woodstock and things that stay in Las Vegas ! Or happy endings at Asian massage parlours .
YES / NO ( If yes complete the below section . If NO – CONGRATULATIONS!)
Details of the date of the conviction; name and address of the court; and the details of the penalty (if applicable) that was imposed.
If you had held posters, banners, worn black scarves or carried black bin bags, these are considered as heinous crimes towards the Arsenal . Unless the bag was worn over on your head !
I declare that the particulars stated in this application are complete and the documents attached are true and authentic, and the information contained herein remains unchanged to date. To the best of my knowledge and belief, I have not withheld any material fact.
That I will in each and every way support the manager , the team and the club to the best of my ability , and will ever remain faithful therein . Any trophy won is an added bonus and a CL place is not be scoffed at .
And finally I pledge myself to be a loyal and just AKB for life ; faithfully , zealously and righteously to the best of my ability and conscience . And may Arsene be my judge .
- Delving into our criminal past (and its got nothing – well not much – to do with Arsenal…)
- The evidence that games in the Premier League might have been fixed in 2015/16
- Xhaka speaks; he’s a leader, he’s humble, and he came here because of Wenger.
Untold Arsenal has published five books on Arsenal – all are available as paperback and three are now available on Kindle. The books are
- The Arsenal Yankee by Danny Karbassiyoon with a foreword by Arsene Wenger.
- Arsenal: the long sleep 1953 – 1970; a view from the terrace. By John Sowman with an introduction by Bob Wilson.
- Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football. By Tony Attwood, Andy Kelly and Mark Andrews.
- Making the Arsenal: a novel by Tony Attwood.
- The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal by Mark Andrews.
You can find details of all five on our new Arsenal Books page