SOCK IT TO ‘EM JBB!
An interview with John-Bull-Brexit by Patrick Chigwell-Smith.
So John, you support Arsenal?
Yeah, through and through.
What do you mean through and through?
Well I’ve got Arsenal in me blood, the old man put me in the supporters club at nine months-unlike you Johnny-come-lately-types. I stand by the Arsenal at all times,Clock-End boy through and through,that’s me. You prawn sandwich fans have ruined everything.
So you like Wenger then?
No, he’s a bloody idiot, we never win anything with him, I mean he was alright at the beginning then there’s been nothing. Years of just humiliation and he’s bleedin’ foreign. and I’ve had enough of them foreigners.
What about the recent FA Cup and Charity shield wins and the new stadium plus top four for a very long time?
Well, that don’t really count, not like the League and Champions league.And Wenger didn’t even buy no one last year. And we need a thirty goal a year striker. My Granny can score better than Giroud. We haven’t had a decent striker since Henry. USELESS I TELL YOU!
But Wenger bought Cech and Elneny,and we did make second in the league?
Yeah, but it wasn’t enough was it? If we would have bought more we would have won the league-makes sense doesn’t it? Look how many times other teams have won the FA Cup because they bought more players! We’ve got loads of money in the bank.
How much do Arsenal have in the bank?
Dunno, bloody millions fleeced off us, the English,the working class fans. The papers it says about 250 million. Nicking a living the lot of them. SPEND SOME EFFING MONEY WENGER!!
And you believe the papers John? Have you checked for yourself the stats they give out? Anyway what papers do you read?
Look its like Farage says, we’ve been paying for them other countries for years. If we didn’t have these foreigners over here then we would win the World Cup.I mean, we proved it in the past, take 1966? Well, I read either the Sun, or the Daily Mail. Honest I reads both of them.
But to people living outside of Britain, you happen to be foreign too?
Eff off mate,I aint no foreigner, I’m pure blooded English. Look, I’m entitled if I pay nearly 60 quid to see a team I expect to win, I figure it’s my right,and we need a manager with a bit of spine and a bit of old English spit and brawl. Take your English breakfast over a continental anytime,if you know what I mean?
What you mean your Brexit FULL ENGLISH Breakfast?
Bacon from Denmark, Sausage from pigs reared in Holland, Baked Beans grown in Europe, Tinned tomatoes from Italy, wheat for the bread from Egypt and possible Europe and also 2 fried eggs which could be part of the 2,000 million Britain imports from Europe?
Eff off. You’re just another of them posh liars,all Oxford and Cambridge. My mates a Butcher and he gets everything from England. Look I went to Marseille and we gave them Russian gits a right kicking and smashed up as many of them poncey cafs as possible. We won the war mate.We did it alone.We won at Dunkirk!
Are you sure about that John? Are you aware of what the Russians and Americans did in the war too, the idea we were alone is a bit stretched. Plus the Polish played a big part in the Battle of Britain and at Monte Cassino, which doesn’t get talked about much.
I like a go at the Casino, -what that you’re on about? I told you I don’t like them Euro people! And your an insult to the war dead. Look I’m telling you, we won the war and we used to control the planet, bring back the British Empire is what I say-its right and proper the worlds English,its not like we were unfair! And don’t get me started about the Germans! We stood alone, I’m telling you. Got to admit I like that Icke bloke though! My granddaughter Chardonnay had a book, I didn’t read much of it, but I know he’s right, I can feel it in me guts.
But John, David Icke says the moon’s a hollow base. Do you also think that the moon’s made out of cream cheese?
Do you want a effing kicking mate? I thought we had got rid off you posh gits.You wanna learn a thing or two from us working class. Salt of the earth mate, that’s what we are, the real people.You posh people have ruined football. Look Wenger out I say, I told you before I pay good money to see Arsenal win, not this tippy-tappy foreign game. Bring back George Graham, he was a good Englishman.
But John, George is Scottish!
Same thing innit! GREAT BRITAIN! Should be called Great England. Look, we are a pure blood nation. Farage proved it. Can’t wait for St.Georges day! Best thing was when the British Empire ruled the world,like I said.
But if if you look John, Britain is a mixture of all sorts of nations, we have been a proto-America since the Romans invaded, a boiling pot of all nations, a variety of culture and influence, music, writing and food and all traditions. Think for a moment how much the worlds cultures brought to Britain.
Eh? Eff off mate.I aint foreign.And that’s that.I voted LEAVE, to bring back democracy to England. Music? I like the Specials. Best band ever, now’s there’s a great English band! Music’s crap these days, not like when I grew up.I like the X factor though.
And how much have you been aware of EU policies since 1993?
None they’re a bunch of crooks! Look I’ve got other things to do like rather than follow them tossers! I hate politicians,the lot of them, mind you Trump’s got the right idea though. Bloody Yanks, cant stand them neither!
What food do you like John?
Food? Pizza,Steak and kidney pie, Indian after a lager session, bit of spaghetti, roast dinner and fish and chips-good English food! Good working class food!
How is it the working class are the best or most original John?
What are you on about now? We are the real people, none of this BBC ponce sh*te!I hate the middle classes and them toffs at the top.Though you don’t see them around much these days,can’t say I know any of them really nor met any. Good riddance!I’m mean what do they bring anyway, we do all the graft! Flick the V’s to them is what I say!
But John do you not think that all people are just people and it has little to do with class, that all the “classes” are just a lie and doesn’t mean anything at all? More how you are as a human?
Dunno, ain’t really thought about it. All I know is me Grandad fought in the war to keep out them Germans and now look, foreigners everywhere. Even Arsenal, riddled with them.I cant stand them!
John,whose you favourite Arsenal player in the current squad?
Cazorla, Ozil,Sanchez.Great guys, brilliant players.
John whats your favourite tv programme and films?
Heartbeat, Love thy neighbour, Only when I laugh, Quadrophrenia. On the buses, TV’s crap these days. Anyway I mostly watch Sky sports,and anything with old Ben Dover in it. He’s good him.
John one final question. Do you think the referees are somewhat anti-Arsenal?
What you on about now? These ain’t some foreign ref you know! Of course not.Thats your poncey middle class excuses for defending the poor management from Wenger. OUT I SAY! AND I DESERVE MY SAY! WE WON THE WAR! WE WON BREXIT!
- It had to happen: after 21 days we’ve almost run out of players to buy and sell
- The 1932 Arsenal cup final with action replays, and 3 Arsenal stars kicking football into a washing machine.
- Referee behaviour will change this coming season – but there’s nothing to suggest things will improve.
- By this August at least half the Arsenal first XI will have joined in the past year.