Great Arsenal Transfer Index (28 Aug) reaches 111 players we are signing, with no apologies for errors to be seen

By Ima Counter, Professor of Numerological Sciences, University of UnCertain Things, Shetland.

The last competition brought in a bumper crop of brilliant commentaries on the name Man Utd.  I personally loved

Mischievous
Arsenal not Arsene
Not
Unlike
Tiny
Dumbo

not least because it followed a typical comment from an aaa and was the best response possible.

But I would urge anyone who retains a sense of humour to have a read through the comments that followed the last index.     So that’s the standard you now have to match.

The next one on the list is “Liverpool”  A phrase which takes each letter of the word in order as the first letter of a word, to make a phrase that summarises the essence of that extraordinary club.

Interestingly in the Great Arsenal Transfer Index we actually now have a couple of players who we signed whom the inventors never actually listed as a possibility.  How odd!

So we have now had 111 players linked with us, five of whom appear to have signed, but only three of whom were actually tipped by the inventors of the rumours.

 

Part One: Players coming in.  New entries and significant changes are in bold.

Player Position From Current status Also interested
1 Aymen Abdennour centre back Valencia
2 Ethan Ampadu centre back Exeter He’s 15 Tottenham tracking
3 Takuma Asano (浅野拓磨) Forward Sanfrecce Hiroshima is 21 and has played 50 times Signed, but Guardian says no work permit.
4 Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang Forward B. Dortmund Being urged to leave Man U
5 Carlos Bacca 49 goal striker Milan We’re hijacking the deal! Arsenal seen off WHU
6 Michy Batshuayi Striker Marseille £22m asking price Chelsea
7 Riechedly Bazoer Cen mid. Ajax Barcelona, Chelsea, Man U, Tottenham
8 Medhi Benatia Centre back Bayern 29 years old prone to injury
9 Christian Benteke Striker Liverpool? Only done one year at Liverpool?
10 Gabriel Barbosa Santos 54 goals in 148 appearances
11 Rodrigo Bentancur Midfield Boca Juniors Real Mad, Juve
12 Karim Benzema Striker Real Mad Involved in court case
13 Daley Blind Defence Man U
14 Sofiane Boufal Forward Lille £25m after one year in France Barcelona, Chelsea and Atletico Madrid
15 Marcelo Brozovic Box to box midfielder Inter Not quite sure why we need a box to box midfielder at this moment.
 16 Wilfred Bony Striker Man City
17 Sam Byram RB or midfield WHU Previously of Leeds
18 William Carvalho Def mid Sporting Lisbon
19 Edinson Cavani Striker PSG He’d like to come
20 Ben Chilwell Left-back Leicester “Arsenal monitoring”
21 Troy Deeney Striker Watford WFC captain
22 Jason Denayer Defender Man C £10m
23 Julian Draxler Left wing Wolfsburg who say he’s going nowhere £43m offer made. No, £54m Liverpool sniffing but that’s what they do
24 Jonny Evans Defender Was Man U, now WBA £15m offer made
25 Frederico Fernandez Defender Swansea A double swoop from Swansea
26 Rachid Ghezzal winger Lyon Gets injured a lot
27 Matthias Ginter centre back Borussia Dortmund
28 Mario Götze Attack midfield Bayern Munich Flopped after Dortmund Liverpool.  Gone to BvB
29 Antoine Griezmann Forward Atletico Madrid
30 Goncalo Guedas Wing Benfica Next C Ronaldo Chelsea
31 Raphaël Guerreiro Left-back midfield Lorient
32 Alen Halilovic. Attack midfield Barcelona Last season loan to Sporting Gijon,
33 Marek Hamsik Attack midfield Napoli His father is demanding more money
34 Rico Henry Full back Walsall Next Ashley Cole
35 Gonzalo Higuain Striker Napoli £79m but no offer made Man U, Liverpool?  Went to Juve
36 Rob Holding Winger Bolton £1.5m already signed He signed
37 Elseid Hysaj Right back Napoli Staying at Napoli
38 Zlatan Ibrahimovic Striker PSG Self proclaimed God Went to Man U
39 Mauro Icardi Striker Inter £32m bid made deal very close Wife says they need the money.  Club says it wants €60 million.  Arsenal offering ££££££ plus Giroud
40 Odion Ighalo Striker Watford
41 

Lorenzo Insigne’s

Striker

Napoli

42 Chiori Johnson Defender Aged 18, Signed pro forms
43 Jorginho “Strongest midfielder” Napoli Neil Banfield likes him
44 Stevan Jovetic 2nd striker Inter 1st mooted two years ago
45 N’Golo Kante Midfield Leicester Won the most tackles  Done Deal but not with AFC
46 Naby Keita Central mid Red Bull Salzburg
47 Simon Kjær Centre back Fenerbache
48 Lukas Klostermann Defender Red Bull Leipzig
49 Toni Kroos No 10 Real Madrid £45m
50 Grzegorz Krychowiak Midfield destroyer Sevilla Another done deal elsewhere
51 Kalidou Koulibaly centre back Napoli Signed and Sealed but… Dependent on Chambers going.  Arsenal at the front of the queue
52 Alexandre Lacazette Forward Lyon – now injured French League top scorer 2014.15 Said he wanted to leave and come to AFC and then immediately got injured
53  Mario Lemina   Juventus  £16m bid rejected Watford interested
54 Robert Lewandowski Striker Bayern About to break the bank
55 Ademola Lookman Striker Charlton “Cant stop scoring” 18 years old
56 Jordon Lukaku Left back Oostende Told Mr Wenger how to manage!
57 Romelu Lukaku Striker Everton Broke Everton’s PL scoring record Offer of £38m made
58 Mario Mandzukic Forward Juventus He has emerged as an option
59 Sadio Mane Winger Southampton BBC say he’s gone to Liverpool
60 Kostas Manolas Centre back Roma for £38m deal agreed? Maybe to Chelsea
61 Jeremy Mathieu Defender Barcelona for 12m euros He’s 32.
62 Maycon Midfield Corinthians new Ronaldo or Neymar or both.  Or neither.
63 Marquinhos Defender PSG His brother says AFC want him Man U Man C  Chelsea and Bayern Munich
64 Riyad Mahrez Wing Leicester £25m Considered him while at Le Havre Has now agreed to join Arsenal according to reports from Algeria
65 Kostas Mitroglou Striker Benfica “Happy in Portugal”
66 Arkadiusz Milik Striker Ajax  Gone to Napoli
67 Henrikh Mkhitaryan Midfield B Dortmund Went to Man U Liverpool! Chelsea, Tottenham
68 Alvaro Morata Striker Juventus (loan) Real Mad “About to happen” Snubbing Chelsea for Arsenal.  Really, really wants Arsenal.
69 Jeison Murillo Central defender Inter Columbian Talks have started Bayern Munich and Zenit
70 Shkodran Mustafi . Defender Valencia Anything between £20m and £33m  Arsenal have made an offer.  Now the firm favourite to be signed.  “Deal done”
71 Ruben Neves Defend midfield Porto
72 Nolito Striker Celta Vigo £13.8m buy out clause.  Done deal elsewhere
73 Kelechi Nwakali Midfield Diamond  Academy Already joined for £3m WHU, Bayern, Chelsea, Man U Liverpool?
74 Gaston Pereiro Midfield PSV Played 30 scored 12 this last season
75

Lucas Perez

Attack

Deportivo

Passed medical
76 Philipp Ochs Midfield Hoffenheim 19 year old
77 Oguzhan Ozyakup Midfield Besiktas In the 2009 AFC Youth Cup side Won the Turkish league in 2016; will cost £16.8m
78 Bruno Peres Full back Torino £16.9m
79 Quincy Promes Winger Spartak Moscow
80 Domingos Quina Midfield Chelsea
81 Adrien Rabiot Midfield PSG Asked for a move, not liked by fans Chelsea, Man U
82 Rafinha RB Bayern Munich Metro utterly certain
83 Jese Rodriguez Forward Real Mad Surplus to requirements Now at PSG
84 Ricardo Rodriguez Left back Wolfsburg £20m
85 Maxi Romero Forward All Boys, Argentina The new Messi We were going to sign him last year but he got injured
86 Daniele Rugani Centre back Juventus Can’t get a game. Man U, Everton, Napoli
87 Erik Tobias Sandberg Defender Norwegian schoolboy Under 17 Man U
88 Douglas Santos Left back Atlético Mineiro
89 Riccardo Saponara Attack midfield Empoli Liverpool?
90 Fabian Schar Defender Hoffenheim
91 Ryan Sessegnon Winger Fulham Liverpool?
92 Djibril Sidibé Full back & midfield Lille Cover at full back “Now gone to Monaco, Arsenal too slow”
93 Moussa Sissoko midfield Newcastle £35m  Sun now says “very likely”
94 Islam Slimani Striker £23.25m Sporting Lisbon £23.25m Tottenham, Leicester
95 Dominic Solanke striker Chelsea Chelsea want to keep him Arsenal preparing to steal him
96 John Stones CB Everton  Now Man City
97 Daniel Sturridge Striker Liverpool? “Will reportedly…” “Tried last year”
98 Neven Subotic Defender Borussia Dortmund Has left training to talk to Arsenal
99 Omer Toprak Centre back Bayer Leverkusen
100 Yaya Toure C Mid Man City
101 Arda Turan Attack midfield Barcelona 29, and wants to stay Struggled at Barca.  Telegraph celebrated fake coverage of transfer
102 Robin van Persie Forward Fenerbache “We’re waiting for buyers”
96 Jamie Vardy Forward Leicester £20m Signed but kept it a secret or he’s off to Liverpool.
103 Thomas Vermaelen Centre defence Barcelona He’s fit again.  Barcelona seriously considering Arsenal’s offer.  Oh, Gone to Roma
104 Victor Wanyama Def. midf. Southampton  Done deal elsewhere.
105 Julian Weigl Midf. Borussia Dortmund £20 million
106 Ashley Williams Defender Swansea But heading for Everton To replace the voice left by Per.
107 Granit Xhaka Defend/ midfield Monchengladbac “Deal done”  He signed. Chelsea were rivals but failed.
108 Andriy Yarmolenko Winger Dynamo Kiev Tottenham Liverpool
109 Wissam Ben Yedder Striker Sevilla  “Could have joined Arsenal”: manager  WHAM, Totts, Leicester
110 Simone Zaza Forward Juventus
111 Karl Zouma Keeper Chelsea
Part Two Departures
1 Alexis Forward Juventus bids made Asking for transfer Agent trying to get move
2 Arteta End of  career
3 Bellerin Full back Barcelona Now mulling over Man C deal But also denied
4 Joel Campbell   West Ham But he wants to stay and fight for his place Was loaned to Sporting. 
5 Chambers Centre back Southampton or Watford? 1 year loan?
6 Debuchy Been on loan
7 Mat Flamini midfield End of contract The last Highbury player to leave AFC
8 Kieran Gibbs Defend Unhappy  WHU offer rejected
9 Olivier Giroud Forward Napoli Part exchange “We’ve never talked to Napoli”
10 Isaac Hayden Centre back Newcastle
11 Laurent Koscielny Defend Bayern Contract talks stalled? End of contract? Not end of contract
12 Per Mertesacker Defend Considering his future But got injured in pre-season
13 David Ospina Goal Besiktas
 14 Alex Oxlade-Chamberlaine Attack midf. Manchester City Currently in the best form of his life
15 Rosicky End of contract
16 Santi Cazorla Mid/For Back to Villareal
17 Mesut Ozil Midfield Delayed talks
18 Jon Toral Midfield To Granada
19 W. Szczesny Goal Roma Happy in Rome Returning to AFC.  No, staying as part of Manolas deal.  No staying on loan
20 Theo Walcott Wing State Aid Utd or Liverpool? £20m On the verge; or maybe not going
21 Wellington Silva Fluminense on four-year deal
22 Jack Wilshere Midfield Man U They will build the team around him
  Part Three: Coaching
1 Adam Birchall Lead Development Phase coach  Works with under 16s
2 Thierry Henry Under 18 Left over TV issue  Became assistant manager for Belgium.
3 Tony Adams Under 18 5 week trial  He left after a couple of weeks.
4 Arsene Wenger Manager In one year… Will be replaced by …
5 Eddie Howe Manager In one year… Replacing AW
Part Four: Up from the youth
 1 Krystian Bielik Defender Arsenal Given no 37
2 Stefan O’Conner Defender was with York To Maastricht
3 Gedion Zelalem Attack mid Arsenal Loaned to Rangers
4 Chris Willock Attack midf. Arsenal Played in U21s.  Given no 59
5 Jeff Reine-Adélaïde Wing Arsenal Moving into first team
 6  Matt Macey  Goal Arsenal Moving into first team squad?  Allocated no 49
5: Players going on loan
 1 Dan Crowley Midfield Arsenal Coventry Actually gone to Oxford
2  Julio Pleguezuelo Defender RCD Mallorca
3 Stefan O’Connor MVV Maastricht, Was at York City last season.
6: Young Players leaving  
Ilias Chatzitheodoridis U-18 no new contract
7: Players signing pro forms
 1 Donyell Malen
 2 Tyrell Robinson West Ham
 3 Joshua DaSilva

Please note that sorting through all the comments that don’t follow our commentary rules is now taking too much time, and getting in the way of debate and enjoyment from those willing to follow the rules which are on the site.  So we’re tending to delete them now.  But if you can’t have your say on Untold you will find thousands of other sites that are willing to accommodate non-evidential opinion, or you can start you own blog.  It’s free at https://wordpress.com/

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26 Replies to “Great Arsenal Transfer Index (28 Aug) reaches 111 players we are signing, with no apologies for errors to be seen”

  1. If you’d watched any matches recently, you’d have realised that Holding is not a winger.

    And if you looked at Arsenal.com you’d notice we’ve loaned out 6 – not 3 – U21 players.

  2. I think this idea of mine of making sentences out club names is getting dangerously to the point of being over done.

    Despite their opening day victory in view of the fact they haven’t won the league for 26 years. I still the best sentence for them is the two words as one.

    Looserpool.

  3. Does the Liverpool! competition require the explanation mark to be included? Has anyone else noticed that having announced the Perez and Mustafi deals and stating that our business was complete for the summer, rumours still keep on coming. I find it all so amusing

  4. Lying
    Incessantly
    Verily
    Evident
    Requiring
    Players
    Of
    Old’s
    Lability ?

  5. Using the club’s initials to make different sentences or phrases is another challenge.

    for spuds

    Tottenham Hotspurs football club

    Becomes

    T he

    H orrible

    F ootball

    C lub.

    My Baggies friend doesn’t like me for this.

    W ell

    B elow

    A verage

    for West Bromwich Albion

  6. @colario – August 28, 2016 at 2:46 pm – Sometimes tiny snowballs roll down on to become massive avalanches !

  7. If outside the rain is pouring down and you thinking ‘football’ oddities or as here the sun is shinning and you are thinking football.

    Try this one using the four English leagues and any other league you like, try listing the clubs whose first letter is the same as its last.

    As in

    Liverpool

    Aston Villa

  8. exactly, no apologies what so ever from the nasty journos and bloggettas of their failure and untrue made believe rumors about Arsenal transfer activities but unsurprisingly in attempt to cover up their idiocies, some of them childishly start to accused Arsenal buying Lucas Pérez and Shkodran Mustafi out of panic. how pathetic and low-life can some of ‘them’ be? anyway, what a beautiful performance from The Gunners yesterday to get their 1st win of the season. can’t wait for all the players to settle in properly and give it all their best for the club this season. com’on Arsenal

  9. In case you have felt pain during the Mustafi transfer saga, don’t feel surprised because

    Skhodran

    Mustafi

    If you have read a lot of stories about Theo Walcott leaving Arsenal, don’t be shocked because

    Transfer

    Window

    If you are fascinated with Granit Xhaka’s ability to connect all parts of our team with his passes, it’s absolutely normal because

    Global

    Xpress

  10. Some folk do over react to the transfer rumours & gossip. It’s all harmless fun and nothing to get serious about. Who really cares how many different players a club is associated with?
    I can see that Tony has the right perspective on this by just taking the piss out of them.

  11. Congratulations!
    You have proven successfully ( for the fiftieth time) what almost everyone already knew – most transfer rumors are made up – well done!

    For the very few on here who were not aware of this fact, allow me to apologize on behalf of the media for misleading you on this subject.

    I’m profoundly sorry.

  12. no wonder some folk use to tell lies cos when rumors and gossip by the journos and bloggettas were take as a normal stuff by them. u can tell a lot about some folk (character) who said rumors and gossip = lies) that lead to some fans to belittle and abused their own club every single days during the transfer window as a harmless fun and nothing to get serious about(maybe some fans use the rumor lies to their advantage to belittle the club cos they can’t stand the manager and want him sack, some even hate him). don’t understand why some people feel so bitter when UA were defending and call out the lies that were thrown to the club that we hold dearly to our heart, it’s like poison to some people. is a normal behavior in their life for some’ to defend what we loved and care. just like how Arsenal bound Shkodran Mustafi defend Mesut Ozil when a right wing fascism in their country try to spread hate among them. what S Mustafi did made me proud to be i a’muslim, don’t panic. we don’t need hate, we need love. peace to all

  13. Apparently Mustafi was persuaded in his decision to join Arsenal by all the positive things Ozil has told him about the club.
    Very strange Mesut should recommend the club, given media reports that he is unhappy at Arsenal due to the clubs lack of ambition, and according to them he will not sign a contract extension and wants to leave.

  14. Anyone else find this a bit odd?
    Now that we’ve signed somebody, reports are now finding ways out that Arsene and Arsenal did try to sign Griezmann……

  15. League
    Is
    Very
    Elusive
    Remembering
    Past
    Only
    Option
    Left

    Great work highlighting the media craziness in regards to Arsenal transfers.

    Also, wanted to say thank you to Walter and Usama for their continued hard work with the ref reviews.

  16. Lackluster
    Indifferent
    Value
    Entirely
    Representing
    Pathetic
    Over-hyped
    Obnoxious
    Losers

    Languishing
    Indigents
    Vociferously
    Endorsing
    Reprobates
    Perennial
    Overtly
    Oppressive
    Ludicrousness

    Lumpy
    Ignorant
    Vermin
    Engaging
    Repulsive
    Putrid
    Ogres
    Ongoing
    Labours

  17. ” A good wife always forgives her husband when she is in the wrong !”
    Rodney Dangerfield .

    I ‘m sure that all of us here will forgive the media for all their lies and trespasses , seeing that they are all seem to be mentally handicapped. And by choice of course it seems !

  18. I think some people misunderstand the point behind these articles regarding transfer rumours.

    It’s patently obvious by the tone of the articles that Sir Hardly realises it is all just bullshit. Of course we all know there are similar rumours attributed to every club, but that isn’t really the point is it.

    Surely the point of all this is about how these ‘rumours’ are used ?

    And in Arsenals case, as we all know, they are constantly used as a weapon to ‘bash’ us, and Wenger in particular.

    -This player turned us down.

    -This player is unhappy and wants to leave.

    -Wenger misses out on player ‘X’ because he’s too tight.

    -Wenger misses out on player ‘Y’ because he ‘dithered’.

    Blah blah blah.

    Contrast that to other Clubs. How often are a string of ‘Marquee’ signings linked to say, Man Utd, that eventually fail to materialise ?

    It happens regularly, but what we get in Uniteds case is a string of talking heads rolled out telling us how ‘ambitious’ United are, and how wonderful it will be when player ‘x’ turns up. The fawning is vomit inducing.

    But the fact is, just the same as with Arsenal and just about every other Club, more often than not, player ‘x’ fails to arrive. This is normal.

    But here’s the rub, when it all falls through for United what do we get ? Nothing. No ‘Dithering’ by United. No ‘United miss out again’. Nope, we just move on to the next ‘Marquee’ signing coming there way, and yet more vomit inducing crap. All remains rosy in the united garden.

    Similarly when it comes to late signings in the transfer window.

    When United signed Berbatov at the last minute some years ago SKY News embarked on what can only be described as a ‘wank fest’.

    Arsenal buy a player within a week of the window closing and it’s a ‘panic’ buy.

    Anyone spot a theme here ?

    The problem is, as obvious as all this is, people are sucked in, and sadly that includes a large group of Arsenal fans.

    For example you only have to read the recent article ‘New is just new’ by Tim Charlesworth, to see how even an Untold regular has been sucked in and placed himself firmly in the Wenger is a ‘Ditherer’ camp.

    I mean, just because you take time and care over a decision is that ‘dithering’ or is that ‘prudence’ ?

    Is just paying the first price you are given the right thing to do, even if that price is way over the players true value ?

    Or is negotiating a better deal the right thing to do ?

    I know what I think.

    Maybe when you are sponsored by a Country or a Billionaire you can just pay whatever is asked, but NOT when you are actually living in the real World.

    Calling Wenger a ‘ditherer’ is clearly an insult, which leads me back to my original point about what this is really all about.

    All these rumours are merely a means to an end. And the end game is simply to insult and undermine Arsenal FC.

    Ridiculing our transfer dealings is not the only way the media do this.

    They try a similar trick when it comes to referees. They destroy any ref that dares to give us a fair crack of the whip, yet praise to the hilt a ref that buries us.

    They attack our ticketing with vastly distorted figures.

    They attack our fans for being ‘fickle’ yet they are the ones that induce this behaviour in the first place.

    The media attack on us is incessant, and knows no bounds, and the attack on our transfer dealings is just one aspect of it.

    It is clearly NOT just innocent fun as some would try to have us believe. It is a serious and sustained attempt by the media to undermine everything about our Club.

  19. Oopss….

    ‘Legends ‘
    Incorrect
    Version
    Eventually
    Resultant
    Pissing
    On
    Own
    Legacies .

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