By Sir Hardly Anyone
Now normally I take the honest working man’s regular holiday – September to December, February to May – but quite ludicrously Untold has demanded that I work in October and write a column all about transfer type things.
Well! I mean, “Well!”
And to my utter surprise the transfer rumours have not stopped even though we are literally months away from the window being oiled, let alone being opened.
But it is a new run up, and so I think that what we ought to do with the next round of transfer rumours is note the date when they first emerge and add this to the great transfer index.
So off we go on 6 October 2016.
Part one: Going away from the might Arsenal to pastures new.
1: Per Mertesacker will go to Hannover, who are in the German second division.
2: Héctor Bellerín was tipped over and over and over and over again to be leaving in the summer but he didn’t so why not recycle the old rubbish and say he is off Manchester City, no Barcelona, no both of them at once.
Part two: Staying put
3: Mesut Özil has made it a condition of his staying that he will have Jack Wilshere’s No10 shirt as part of the contractual what not.
Part three: Not within a million miles of the Ems
Robin Van Persie has declared that he himself is “open to everything … whether it’s in England, Turkey or wherever”. It is suggested that he has been told that the UK has already left the EU and so he can’t get back in. Although Tottenham might take him as they are not part of the UK.
Part four: coming in
Arsenal have 25 players in their squad of 25 (a rarity these days) and so can’t just take any old player who comes along. But that has never troubled the press….
Hoffenheim defender Niklas Süle who is a centre-back and played in the Olympics. Tottenham and Liverpool also want him.
Celtic have Moussa Dembélé, and Karamoko Dembélé and it is said AFC want both of them at once. The latter is 13 but is playing for the under 20s. Real Madrid and Bayern Munichare also want him.
Real Madrid midfielder Isco is certain to come either to Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur,
Álvaro Morata is also going to two separate places at once – in this case both Chelsea and Arsenal. We should have had him in the summer but our lazy stupidity meant we didn’t. He is at Real Madrid and isn’t playing for them in the Champions League which is a SURE SIGN.
Ezri Konsa is 18 and plays for Charlton and is going to Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, Man C and Man U.
That is, I am sure you will admit, not a bad way to start the transfer whatnot with almost three months still to go. Whatever will they think of next?