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Arsenal plan mass raid on Italian club to cope with predicted January exodus

by Sir Hardley Anyone and a chicken called Frostie

Last summer, as you will know if you followed the Untold Transfer Index, 20 players were lined up to leave Arsenal.  Of course the mass exodus didn’t happen, but those in the know, or rather those who don’t have a clue but like to make it all up, are now saying that the mass exodus really is now going to happen in January, at which time Arsenal will be denuded of virtually all players.

Indeed it is getting so bad that we might not even be able to put out a team in some games and will have to concede the fixture.

But now fortunately Arsenal have found a way around this problem, and that is to buy a substantial numbers of players from Inter Milan.

Now if you are not a regular follower of football surrounded by the warm waters of the Med (where Mrs Sir Hardly and I love to spend a few weeks every month basking in the glow of the eternal whatnot) you may not have realised that Inter Milan who once were, no longer are.

Indeed in recent years they have ended up 6th, 9th, 5th, 8th and 4th in the one horse race that is the Italian League.

Indeed even though their current form (four wins and one defeat in the last five) is identical to that of Juventus who have won the league each year since the fall of the Roman Republic in 50BC, they are still lurking in 7th place and ready for another poor showing in the second half of this season.

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 17 14 0 3 36 14 +22 42
2 18 12 2 4 39 18 +21 38
3 18 10 5 3 40 21 +19 35
4 18 10 4 4 32 21 +11 34
5 17 10 3 4 27 20 +7 33
6 18 10 2 6 27 21 +6 32
7 18 9 3 6 28 21 +7 30

So Inter Milan are planning to jettison their under performing turnips and flog them  to Arsenal, to cover up the gaps that the mass removal of players to clubs with a real desire to win things, will bring.

And all this is true, I can assure you because I read it in “Reports”.

First out of the innards of Inter will be Frenchman Geoffrey Kondogbia according to Football-Italia who say it is according to Gazzetta dello Sport who cite a Spanish newspaper I’ve never heard of as the source, which is rather strange.  Or when I come to think of it, the new norm in transfer issues.

Kondogbia is a “midfield enforcer” (which I think is Italian for “thug”) and he can also play as a central defender or left back which is just what Arsenal need – three players for the price of one.   He came from Monaco for €31m, but has failed to do much so he’s on the way out at a discount fee, and it is widely reported that Mr Wenger likes discount fees.  Better still he could also be available on loan so we can give him back when he turns out to be no good.

Prior to signing for the Inter, Kondogbia was said to be “one of the most coveted talents in world football” and was endlessly tipped to be a midfielder that Arsenal would sign.  But of course he didn’t, again showing his lack of concern for those who make money off the back of his efforts.  Chelsea, Liverpool and Marseille are all expected to sign him because they move faster than Arsenal which is why we never got players like Alexis and Mesut.  [I think you’ll find we did, Sir Hardly, not that I wish to challenge your sources – Tony]

€20m and €22m (or given the state of the pound £35m) should fix it and bring Kondogbia forth.

And package deals are also on offer as Jonathan Biabiany, known for his acceleration, his pace and his strange propensity for signing for Inter – which he has now done four times.

Also available are Felipe Melo, now 33, with Inter being his tenth club and last year was the most decorated Brazilian in Turkey and  Stevan Jovetic, a second striker or winger who Inter got from Man City, not to mention Rodrigo Palacio (another forward, this one aged 34), and Davide Santon (once again also 34), who are all going cheap or alternatively going nowhere.

Now it is said that Inter are interested in Venezuelan captain Tomas Rincon who plays for Genoa.  But the Very Enlarged Being who manages at the Palace when not doing crooked deals is said to be interested.   Arsenal could jump in given the random way in which Mr Wenger buys players without checking them out first.

Of course what sparks all this commentary is the fact that the little tiddly widdly bloggettas have still not got over their extreme frustration at the transfer of Mustafi in the summer.  No one picked this up more than a week before the move, and most only saw it coming two days before Arsenal announced it.  That meant that the whole “Everton reject on his way to Arsenal” saga had to be squashed into about 48 hours, and that story was felt to be worth at least a month’s worth of headlines.

With 110 players nominated as being Arsenal transfer targets, along comes the club and buys a player who hadn’t been mentioned since the Index started in May!   “It just shows the disrespect that Wenger chap has for us supporters,” said Wombat McCauley, editor in chief of GetWengerOutNow.com.

So who else is coming apart from the Inter Group.

Dimitri Payet

“According to the reports” (the bloggetta phrase meaning “I just made this up”) Arsenal are the favourites to complete the signing of France international winger.

Gabriel Boschilia

The only thing holding up the transfer of AS Monaco superman Gabriel Boschilia is that we already have a Gabriel, and negotiations over which one will change his name have stalled.  “The North London clubs are believed to be frontrunners along with Serie A giants Juventus in race for the Brazilian starlet, particularly after his fine start to the campaign for AS Monaco this season.”  According to reports.

He is 20 and spent last season (which for some bizarre reason the bloggettas insist on calling “last term” as if they were at school) on loan with Belgium “outfit” (ie club) Standard Liege but is fast becoming a key first-teamer, with Europe’s heavyweights (Fat Sam again?) starting to step up their interest.

 Another goalkeeper?

Arsenal were also “expected” to buy Sunderland goalkeeper Jordan Pickford but he will be out of the game for six weeks and so Arsenal won’t buy him.

Actually that must be the most stupid story in the era of stupid stories.  Arsenal currently have Martinez, Cech and Ospina listed as first team keepers plus three more in the Academy.   Why would we want to buy another under 21 international????  And if we did why would a six week injury change our minds?

But, “Arsenal and Manchester City are just two of the clubs who have regularly scouted Pickford this season”.   Oh really?

Griezmann and Reus still have their names doing the rounds on the grounds that Mesut Özil and Alexis Sánchez have as good as left already (or maybe never signed in the first place).

Oh and Julian Draxler has just signed a deal with PSG which leaves Arsenal devastated.  Or not, or he hasn’t.

And Liverpool after days and days of bidding and bidding and bidding for the Ox are not bidding for the Ox.

And that’s about it for today.

Sir H.

PS I was asked the other day to define a bloggetta.  For me it is a blog  that runs article of around 100 words, which make some sort of negative statement about Arsenal such as “following the failure” followed by phrases such as “Arsenal are expected to” and “according to reports”.  I rather suspect that like the Independent’s football pages on the internet, they are written by machine.


Untold Arsenal: 

And from the History Society

 

10 comments to Arsenal plan mass raid on Italian club to cope with predicted January exodus

  • MickHazel

    According to that paragon of truth and integrity known as Metro we are monitoring the Ross Barclay situation ‘according to reports’.

  • John L

    “according to reports”, ” linked with”, “monitoring”, “eyeing” ( is there really such a word?), “keeping tabs on”, “hi-jack”, “spurned” are among the general warning signs that what is written is rubbish speculation. As well as being an annoying corruption of language, in the name of “journalism”.

    In the old days, at least the clichés were less annoying; – managers usually “swooped” on players to sign, frequently after “a motorway dash”.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Monitoring the situation…. do we have monitors with radar on it or what do we have to understand by such phrases? LOL you couldn’t make it up. Oops I think someone just did…. 🙂

  • Markyb

    Don’t forget a good snubbing or three

  • porter

    Ross Barkley ? Hope he works out better than the past ones from Everton , Richard Wright , Francis Jeffers and even Alan Ball who despite being a class above apparently thought so himself and was disruptive in the dressing room.

  • MickHazel

    John L
    In my opinion the most annoying corruption of language is the frequent misuse of ‘snub’ and ‘snubbed’.
    The word snub should only be used where there is an element of contempt, disdain or disrespect. It is an entirely inappropriate word in the context used by today’s so called journalists who really should know better.

  • Leon

    Truth be told I don’t really care what terminology the journalists use so long as what they say is reasonably reliable. They have to phrase it somehow, so lets just make sure it’s accurate please.

  • OlegYch

    porter, Barkley is being ‘eyed’ by every single top-10 club every transfer window, and even between them

  • OlegYch

    i remember Kondogbia from our tie with Monaco
    seemed like a decent young player that season
    wonder what happened at Merda

  • Gord

    Seeing a recent medja article, I produce:

    Hull City in talks over Carl Jenkinson move

    Dateline: Penzance, Cornwall

    Hull City is in talks over Carl Jenkinson, an Arsenal right back. At the moment, Hull City is talking to Sunderland about Carl Jenkinson. So far this season, Hull City have talked to West Ham, Bournemouth, Everton and Swansea about Carl Jenkinson.

    It is not known if Hull City will ever talk to Arsenal about Carl Jenkinson.

    One of the sticking points these other teams are raising with Hull City, is the lack of country music in Hull.

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