Is it a bird, is it a plane, is Sanchez heading for Italy after all?

Posted on by Tony Attwood

By Tony Attwood and a new piece of software….

Oh Walter how right you were…

“Alexis Sanchez arrives in London for Arsenal move”

Except… this grammar lark is a bit pesky.  Because what the article below that actually headline says is

“Football Express News understands that Alexis Sanchez will jet in to London on Monday morning to hold discussions over a move from Barcelona to Arsenal.”

Now I know I can get a bit pedantic at times about grammar – correcting the occasional “different to” to “different from” and such like, but I think most speakers of the language will agree that “Sanchez arrives” means now – whereas “will jet in on Monday” means next week.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.  Or maybe if I were writing for another blog I would say, “Arsenal fans will be outraged at the way the tense was changed between the headline and article.”  But I wouldn’t know if anyone would be outraged or not, except me.

Because all sorts of strange things outrage me.

For example I was suitably outraged last night at the way that during the second half of the Brazil Germany game BBC Five Live gave up its commentary and just let its various commentators chat, make jokes, talk about all sorts of stuff, but forget the game.  When Germany then scored there was a five second pause before it was announced – quite clearly none of the commentary team were even watching the game.  The news had become the men who were supposed to be commenting on the news.

In the media these days it is ever thus.

Anyway Arsenal “have committed themselves to the pursuit of one of Colombia’s World Cup hero; Juan Cuadrado.”   That is according to a blog which then says, “According to reports in the Mirror, the Gunners have formalized their interest in the classy winger with a bid of £22 million.”

There are concerns about the physical well-being of some supporters however in the headline

Another confirmed signing – Arsenal fans should be drooling!

Except the sub heading suggests that drooling might not be right, for it reads, “Do Arsenal need Loic Remy?”

Now this article begins, “It has been reported this evening that Loic Remy is close to a move to Arsenal. This has been reported by the Mirror…”

And that made me wonder if I might not get someone in IT to write me a program that would create stories like this without actually having to do any work.   What you do is take a few well-worn phrases of the “It is believed that” type, throw in the usual sources (The Mirror, Express, Star, Mail) and then mix it all about.

You could do it with other clubs too.

Tottenham sign a cement mixer.

Deal Done!  Work on new stadium starts!

But I soon realised that would be pointless because it has already been done.   For the drooling piece quickly moves on to “It is thought that” and then moves into the AAA doubt mode of “do we really need him?”

Meanwhile the Sanchez move has gone up the scale from “It is believed that” to “It’s no secret”   And then we are really back on home territory, knocking Giroud.

Meanwhile…

Arsenal officially confirm central midfielder is all signed up to big deal

Reports have come out and revealed Arsenal have signed up highly-rated central midfielder Glen Kamara to a pro deal.

Stylish but tenacious, central midfielder Glen was spotted by Arsenal after impressing against the Gunners

Actually we ought to note that according to reports…

Arsenal deal is done as midfielder makes move

Reports have come out and revealed Arsenal midfielder Samuel Galindo has returned to Bolivia.  The 22 year-old still has a year to run on his existing Gunners deal and has been training with Oriente Petrolero.

Galindo failed to impress in trials with Arsenal’s MLS sister club Colorado Rapids in January, having spent the season in London.   Now the TMW website claim the he is on his way back to his homeland after failing to make any impact at the club.

That’s a pain because I had him as one of the players we might use to make up the numbers in the Emirates Cup.

Part of the AAA thing is that you have to knock everything,and cast gloom and doom at every turn.  So while some blogs have Mr Sanchez in the air or here or about to take off, it could be that Walter’s prediction that he might not have an atlas could be right, because here’s the next blog story…

Barcelona striker Alexis Sanchez is reportedly keen on joining Juventus this summer, in spite of interest from Arsenal.

Spanish newspaper Marca claims that the Gunners have made the highest offer of around £32m for Sanchez, but it is understood that the 25-year-old would favour a return to the Serie A, should Juve move in for his signature.Hey ho can’t win them all.  These players, heading here, heading there…

But for the moment the AAA are out on a limb

Arsenal make massive £22 million move for brilliant target

The man in question is Juan Cuadrado.  And yes the new “Story Maker” program (on sale from all good IT stores) has done the work coming up with “Reports suggest that Arsenal will capture Alexis Sanchez from Barcelona imminently in a massive £32 million move.

“However, that seemingly hasn’t deterred their interest in other wingers, and the Daily Express website have come out and claimed Arsene Wenger has made a move for the highly-rated Cuadrado.”

Oh hang on, we knew that.

And that’s another part of the problem.  Everything is going round in circles.  Work down the news stories and find another headline, and there it is.  Just another re-write of the last story, and the one before and the one before.

There are one or two other snippets around – like Romelu Lukaku asking Arsenal to make a bid for him because he doesn’t like being a third class citizen.  And Football Express News this morning runs,

Milan decide to sell Balotelli to Arsenal

which I kind of like.

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14 Replies to “Is it a bird, is it a plane, is Sanchez heading for Italy after all?”

  1. As long as we don’t sign any Brazilian defenders we’ll be fine.

  3. “And that made me wonder if I might not get someone in IT to write me a program that would create stories like this without actually having to do any work.”

    Tony

    Someone did that to Deepak Chopra and it seems to work fine.

    http://www.wisdomofchopra.com/

  4. I always wondered why we don’t have many Brazilians in our squad, now I know why!

  7. I get the feeling, (at 90, not very often) that Arsenal are poised to really strengthen the squad for next season’s campaign.
    It has been brought home to all (from the Board right down to my Gran (who cleans at the Emirates)) that despite all of last term’s tribulation, we were actually close to achieving the double.
    Some new blood plus a bit of judicious tweaking is all that is needed to take the title (it is felt). 😉

  10. My sources tell me that the only thing now holding up the Sanchez transfer is his quite unreasonable demand to be given the squad number of the greatest striker that ever lived, Niklas Bendtner. “When I found out that a living legend like Bendtner was leaving, I had to have his shirt number. I bow before the finest exponent of the strikers art we have ever seen. It would be a privilege and an honour to wear his shirt number” Sanchez didn’t say.
    Arsenal are believed to want to retire the number in homage to the way Bendtner retired during so many of his games wearing the shirt.

  12. Mike

    It did exist but the Mail took it down earlier today.
    One or two people here said they had read it.
    It’s worth mentioning that the Mail gave him a fair 6.5 in their match player ratings.

  14. Yes, I saw that article, hardly mentioned Brazil, just laid into Ozil. Bizarre, if it was automatic writing, they need a new programmer.
    Expect more next season

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