He’s at the airport and we are signing him. Arsenal’s first major transfer of the still closed window is here.

Posted on by Tony Attwood

By Sir Hardly Anyone

We were hoping to publish part three of the series of articles on the way journalists and fans see football, and how they are fixed in “concrete thinking”,   (See Can possible reasons for unsupported opinions be understood,  and following that Does Arsenal still need Klopp or Pochettino to make the final breakthrough? if you have not managed to keep up thus far).

But events on the transfer market have got themselves in the way.

So I have been rushed back from my luxury yacht parked off the sea front in Monaco (or was it Hawaii, it is so hard to tell these days) to cover the news.

And yes, the deal is done, he’s at the airport, he’s in the training ground, he’s shaking hands with Wenger after a medical, and yes… he hasn’t actually signed but everyone says he is going to.  It is…

Little Einstein.

Also known as

Geeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrranit

Yes, editors around London have been screaming down the phone to their journalists recovering from a night of concrete thinking (do try to keep up) and now everyone is awash with the story that he’s coming to Arsenal.

The story has been doing the rounds for the past few weeks, and were confirmed when Granit said that he was so pissed off with having to write the longest name in football (Borussia Mönchengladbach) as his employer when filling in his tax returns that he wanted to go somewhere with a shorter name.  Arsenal (seven letters rather than 23) fitted the bill.  (Apparently he also got fed up with the guy who stood on the terraces at Stadion im Borussia-Park shouting “Give us a B”).

Mönchengladbach wanted £35m but Mr Wenger said, “don’t you read the papers?  I’m a miser, I never spend money, surely you know that?”

To which the top dog at Stadion im Borussia-Park said, “What about Mesut and Alexis?”

After that Mr W said, “damn, you have seen through my ploy, but you may also have read that I do my homework, and Granit has a £23m release clause.”

“But that release clause doesn’t click in until 2017,” said the man from the SiB-P.

“Where does it say that?” asked Mr W.

There was a bit of huffing and puffing, until they said, “can we make it £25m and you pay us more when you win the league?” and Mr W said, “ok but can we tell the press that it is £33.8m?”

“Why such a strange amount?” said they.

“It brings verisimilitude to the affair,” said our Arsene.

“You don’t half know some long words,” said the man from Borussia Mönchengladbach and the deal was duly did.

So, “who is he, what does he do, and where will he play?” are all good questions, which the newspapers are not answering.  But I’ll try.

He is 23, he is Swiss, so he’ll be a companion for Elneny, who also plied his trade at FC Basel.  Oh, and the aaa and their fellow travellers will love this: Borussia beat Darmstadt last week to get fourth place in the German league, so he’ll feel very much at home at Arsenal.

[I trust that was what you aristos call “irony” – Tony]

Granit’s parents are Albanian, but he plays for Switzerland, and Switzerland play Albania in the Euro “let’s injure everyone worth watching” tourney that is going to happen sometime this summer.  His brother Taulant Xhaka plays for Albania.

Anyway, here is more ammo for the aaa to kick him with before he’s even kicked a ball….  He’s been sent off eight times and gets a booking every four games.  Mind you, Ottmar Hitzfeld said, “I am convinced that he still has a great career ahead of him. He is a leader, a player who is responsible and self-confident,” so you read your newspaper and choose the bit you want to believe.

He doesn’t score goals, he doesn’t do assists, but he is very keen on quantum mechanics, knows that “he has Barcelona DNA in his blood” is mindless gibberish, and can tell a virus from a petri dish.

According to the Daily Sprout, Granit was wanted by Manchester City and lots of newspapers have said that “a chance to join Guardiola will prove impossible to resist” which will lead the aaa to claim that we are picking up Man City rejects.   There is even a quote doing the rounds purported to come from Grannit: “Logically, it is hard to say no when Manchester City wants you and you can play there. I will openly admit that, and that surely does not only apply to me.”

He will be offered a five year deal, and be paid £120,000 a week or £11.90 a minute before tax.  (It’s 40% in the UK Granit, so best get your accountant working on how to put your image rights overseas.  Or better still, don’t.  If the UK leaves the EU we’ll need every penny of incoming cash we can lay our hands on, and you’ll need to buy a visa because the standard EU immigration deal with Switzerland will be cancelled).  

Now all the media are saying stuff like, “Central midfield was always his priority following the departures of Mikel Arteta, Mathieu Flamini and Tomas Rosicky,” but still when you look at our midfield team you have to work out where he is going to fit in.  Certainly not where Tomas played.

The answer seems to be that he will either replace Francis Coquelin or provide the opportunity to play alongside Francis where two holding midfielders are required because of the nature of the opposition.

What this indicates is an increase in the flexibility that Arsenal have, and which we didn’t have because the second defensive midfielders that we have had (Flamini and to a degree Arteta) were both injury prone and getting older.  It also means that if this deal does go through (and you know what the newspapers are for making things up) we are looking at also having more cover in each position for the rise and fall (or if you wish, the ebb and flow) of injuries that we get.

As shown by Untold this season, Arsenal are not by any means the top club for injuries, and following the BBC’s publication of data to back this up, most of the media have dropped the story they have been running for five years.  But there are still injuries, so back ups are helpful.

So what else do we know of Mr Xhaka, apart from the fact that he is the second player in the squad with an x in his name?

He played for Basel in his youth from 2000 to 2010, before joining their senior team…

Years Team Lge games Lge goals
2010/12 Basel 44 2
2012/15 Borussia Mönchengladbach 102 6

Here’s the more detailed breakdown…

Club Season League Cup European Total
Games Goals Games Goals Games Goals Apps Goals
Basel 2010–11 20 1 3 0 6 1 29 2
2011–12 24 1 6 0 8 0 38 1
Borussia Mön etc 2012–13 22 1 2 0 9 0 33 1
2013–14 28 0 1 0 29 0
2014–15 30 2 3 0 9 3 42 5
2015–16 22 3 3 0 5 0 30 3

So there it is.  Either a load of totally made up gibberish that has swept every single web site in the last 24 hours and which will then be buried under the carpet, or else we will sign him sometime around Wednesday, and everyone will say “As the Daily Gibberish reported last week…”

Anyway, that’s the news, I’m just off to the casino games, and if anyone else suddenly decides to sign for us, I’ll nip back out and file another story.  

Now, where did I put my yacht? 

 

If you appreciate what we do and would like to help Untold Arsenal, please follow us on Twitter, and on Facebook (UntoldArsenalToday) – it all helps to spread the word.

———————

Recent Posts

Untold Arsenal has published five books on Arsenal – all are available as paperback and three are now available on Kindle.  The books are

  • The Arsenal Yankee by Danny Karbassiyoon with a foreword by Arsene Wenger.
  • Arsenal: the long sleep 1953 – 1970; a view from the terrace.  By John Sowman with an introduction by Bob Wilson.
  • Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football.  By Tony Attwood, Andy Kelly and Mark Andrews.
  • Making the Arsenal: a novel by Tony Attwood.
  • The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal by Mark Andrews.

You can find details of all five on our new Arsenal Books page

 

 

Recent Posts

80 Replies to “He’s at the airport and we are signing him. Arsenal’s first major transfer of the still closed window is here.”

  1. As I just said I have suddenly seen a lot of leaked pictures of Xhaka in an Arsenal shirt at London Colney. Welcome Xhaka!

  2. Welcome, Mr Granit Xhaka! Finally something concrete we got from all transfer stories flying around.

    I would add a few more words on him.

    Three red cards in just 22 games means he will have to be extremely cautious with Riley’s xhakals in charge.

    I am yet to watch him in depth. For some reason, I had watched a lot about Elneny before he signed and was impressed but I didn’t bother to check on Xhaka. I did watch him for his national team when Switzerland were beaten by Bosnia in a friendly match a few months ago or so. I watched the game because of Xhaka. Swiss team was pathetic but he came out of the game with some credit. I’ve noticed his left-footed long passes that reminded me of Manu Petit. If he is that good, we just got ourselves a top reinforcement.

  3. Usually don’t believe anything like this unless I see it on the official site, on the ultra reliable Arsenal Horse Twitter feed, or , as Walter says, in familiar surroundings in an Arsenal kit.
    Two out of three, welcome Granit Xhaka!
    Haven’t seen much of him, but if he is as good as being suggested, Wenger and his team have done very well to get a player of this calibre. And, nice and early, Wenger means business.
    Have a feeling we are going to have a very solid setup next year

  4. Yeah Walter. Welcome Xhaka. Hope you bring some grit with you as your name -Granit, suggests! Cant wait to ply Stokes now we have Granit(e) in the team. I can see them flying around after encountering Mr. Xhaka!

    By the way, hope you find your yacht soon enough Sir Hardly!

  5. Ok….leaked pics of Xhaka is all-over twitter now…. also….our new home kit pics. Is Xhaka officially the first player to be seen in our new home kit…..

    Man this effing summer break…..

    Ohhkkay..

    Now numbers doing round the internet for a few days now… Xhaka is more in Arteta mould than the destroyer all crave for. Hez like Arteta with more tackles and red cards of the bundesliga.
    Now, is this an indication of what the midfield will look like!!… Xhaka and Rambo… can’t guess….but I liked Arteta Rambo combo.

  8. Hear it his brother who leaked the photos….and the kit. Probably caused our signing the quickest club fine in the clubs history .

    Hopefully, such a player will be brilliant in his own right, and bring out the best in the likes of Rambo, ox and Xhack Wilshere.

  10. @SHA, couldn’t stop laughing when read this ‘Oh, and the aaa and their fellow travellers will love this: Borussia beat Darmstadt last week to get fourth place in the German league, so he’ll feel very much at home at Arsenal.’

    WOBs won’t be happy because he’s not a £70 million player.

    Welcome to the Arsenal family Xhaka.

  11. Welcome the Granit, all the best with us.May you be free of injury and instinctively know how to stop the Chicken!

  13. Granit will poop on the Coop-unleash the boulder of Granite Xhaka Kacka!.

  14. From the pictures it looks like done, just awaiting official confirmation.

    I will about his name and personal info in slight detail.

    Granit Xhaka, born in Switzerland after their family moved from Kosovo. His parents are Kosovo-Albanian. And nearly 96-98% percent of Kosovo-Albanians are Muslims. Considering that, his name ‘Xhaka’ is most probably the Albanian way to right the Arabic name ‘Zaka’.

    The pronunciation for ‘Xhaka’ is Ja-Ka, like the name Jack is English. So long story short, we have got the player that has the same name as mine, Woo-Hoo ! 🙂

    By the my name is simple to pronounce ‘Za-Ka’

  16. I down 2 more to come! Nwakali and chickwieze also brought in for the under 21s! Both will be announced in early July, 2 more to come, Morata to aid Giroud. Also looks like debuchy will be leaving! Hopefully Jenkinson will now become back up to Bellerin, although tarifa Moore is getting better and better and could push for first team very soon

  17. I am told that Sir Hardly was a little mistaken as to his whereabouts. It was neither Hawaii nor Monaco, but seems he was a short distance up the Manchester Ship Canal.

    Still, an easy mistake to make.

  20. I wouldn’t be surprise if Lacazzette will be the striker coming to Arsenal.

  21. There is our Granit(e) rock of a midfielder every paper was screaming about! 🙂 Welcome to Arsenal Mr. Xhaka!

  22. Off topic
    Will Untold Towers be doing a ref review of the Fa Cup Final?
    Come on Crystal Palace?

  23. Yes, big welcome to Granit
    Watching the cup final. don’t know if it’s indicative of the way the match will go, but they completely bollixed up the National Anthem

  24. How do you spell Borussia Mönchengladbach?

    It is easy cut and paste!

    When Arsene was a boy he would go and watch his local professional football team who were (cut and paste)Borussia Mönchengladbach.

    To get to watch (cut and paste) Borussia Mönchengladbach he had to cross the boarder into Germany.

    When Arsene was in Japan and yet the unofficial manager of Arsenal his first unofficial European game was against Borussia Mönchengladbach.

    At the time of the game I didn’t see or here that (cut and paste) Borussia Mönchengladbach was Arsene’s local team.

    For Arsene of course, his new team playing against his boyhood team(cut and paste) Borussia Mönchengladbach was one of life’s little coincidences.

    If this (cut and paste)Borussia Mönchengladbach player is coming to Arsenal then we won’t know for certain until the contract has been signed by (cut and paste) Borussia Mönchengladbach, the player and Arsenal and may be uncle Tom Cobberly and all. Only then will his playing days at (cut and paste) Borussia Mönchengladbach be over.

    Danke (cut and paste)
    Borussia Mönchengladbach.

  25. I think le prof is building a future into arsenal midfield . with xhaka 23, coq 23, ramsey 25, elneny 24, wilshere 24……i think le prof will make a very good bond between them and which will benefit arsenal in the long run….i wish arsenal can get a winger in mode of giggs,overmars, or even arjen robben that can torment from the wing……. COYG

  26. It’s started.Clatts has made a dreadful error resulting in Palace being denied a perfect goal

  27. Off topic:

    Why the ref didn’t play advantage to Crystal Palace for the opening goal?

  28. Polo, Leon,

    With the poor standard of refereeing now, even in the finals, a day will come when a player who is through on an open goal will get pulled down from behind by the ref only to stop him from scoring, haha 😀

  29. Got to say that Palace are being hard done by in the cup final. At least 2 major decisions have gone against them. The first denied them a goal.

  36. What a travesty, Crystal Palace twice stopped in their tracks from clear advantage situations. Refs really want to give Manure the suddenly become again trophy.

  39. Hopefully Granit will be a real rock in our midfield! 🙂

    Welcome Granit!

  41. For a so called ‘worthless’ trophy, there seem to be a lot of people wanting their team to win it in the stadium.

  45. The old Smeagles are still hanging in there! Come on Palace.

  47. It looked like Zaha got kicked on the knee when he went down…tough to say but Palace are not going to win unless its on penalties at 120min. Clattenburg is giving them nothing.

  51. So we have a PGMO official who cant referee a London derby & he gets the FA cup final to prove he is an absolute idiot. He is so careful to assist his choice that everyone will talk about the victors not the PGMO official.

    A slope is such a difficult thing to play against.

  53. Yet another ref assisted Utd win. Bet he was gutted he had to send smalling off, but he did the damage in the first half.
    Clatt has become such an establishment referee.
    LVG to stay? Hope so.
    The FA Cup is now officially a trophy again after a two season sabbatical as something less than silverware.

  54. Crystal Palace should count themselves lucky for not facing Arsenal in the final, had they lost to Arsenal next PL season they could be relegated.

    Hull City lost to Arsenal in 2014 FA Cup final then got relegated in 2014-2015 season
    Aston Villa lost to Arsenal in 2015 FA Cup final then got relegated in the 2015-2016 season.

    Just joking.

  56. Manure were pretty average I thought, Clattenburg gave them so much help in the first half especially. Im sure the Palace fans will be really angry,Pardew certainly was.Oh for a bit of advantage!Im sure most neutrals were on the Smeagles side?
    Shame Palace couldnt have shut up shop after their goal.Poor old Gayle will be playing the chance he had over and over again in his head.But Palace did scrap it out. And what with José going to Old Toilet Im sure Mata will be really excited.

  57. I didn’t see the game but had a quick look on the BBC text site very early in the second half. It did look like a few of the pundits (aka idiots) were saying the clattenburg wasn’t having a good game but they didn’t say why.

    SHA, The Germans use a lot of big words, so they wouldn’t make such a comment about AW using big words…

  58. If MaureenO is really going to Dis-Utd then we should be talking to Rashford.
    He looks good but won’t get a look in with MaureenO in charge.

  59. A shame for Palace, a proper referee and Pardew could have been this summers WOB darling.
    As we seem to have signed a player called Granit, , could John Stones be next ?

  61. Agree Andy Mack, bye bye Rashford ….Lingard and other young prospects at Utd.
    They will just sign a bunch of Mendes players. Perhaps some silverware, but it will all end in tears.
    Cannot believe Utd are leaking the Jose arrival on a day that should be about LVG, his team…..and it has to be said, the ref.
    has the club of Bobby Charlton really become this classless?

  62. It all makes sense now why Chelsea was terrible this season, the man already knew he was going to Utd even then, he just had to get out of Chelsea somehow, hence also the thing with the Dr and generally making himself get the sack.

    At least we know AW would not do that. 🙂

  63. Mandy, It wouldn’t matter when a ‘leak’ came out. If it involves them employing MaureenO as their manager or their training ground toilet cleaner or anything in between, they’ve become classless.

  64. Now i know that Arsenal are going to win PL next season, and i will put a bet on be fore season starts.

  65. para, I really don’t think this was known that far in advance. If LVG had stormed the CL the club wouldn’t cut his contract short.
    MaureenOs implosion was completely unintentional just like everywhere else he’s done it.

  66. If the poisonous pillock is joining Man U it’ll mean the end of Glazers rule. He will milk them dry. His system is buy buy buy & watch it all get screwed if it doesn’t gel. Looking forward to next season already – just renewed my season ticket. I expect Arsenal to win despite the PGMO & corrupt FA, so I’ll have few quid on Arsenal to win the EPL. I’ll also have a few quid on Man U to finish bottom half of the table.

  67. So Utd are taking on a guy who lowered himself to throw Chelsea’s medics under a bus as a result of him instructing his players to cheat.
    Hope Dr Eva does him for every penny she can..
    The man is scum.
    But a combination of Fergie, still at Utd, Jose, Memdes , Scudamanc (who supports a team from Bristol…but)….Sky and Manc Riley’s PGMOL ,the UK MSM is a worrying threat. Quite a lot of potential for corruption, bias, and general unpleasantness there.
    Is Webb still at the pgmol? Another with alleged Manc sympathies, despite being a Yorkshireman. And then there is clattenberg…gone from persona non grata, to getting the biggest of games…..what can he possibly have done to get such favours?

  68. Brickfields Gunners – May 21, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    Welcome Granit Xhaka – the rebuilding has started ! Likes(0) Dislikes(73)

    This is a record for me . Thanks to all of ‘them’ that went to all the trouble just to record your opinions !
    Was rebuilding too big a word for you ? Or was it ‘change’ that you were looking for ?
    Or were you just asking me to stick with humour and medical topics ?

    Well it your lucky day ! Here’s one that has medical , legal ,change and humour in it . And the funny comments are …well, ..they just are !

    http://www.legalcheek.com/2015/11/law-is-harder-than-medicine/

  70. Looked like Clattenberg was caught in the act yesterday.

    Only saw the one telling replay (of him) and it seemed to show him watch carefully, correctly decide against whistling when the contact between the players finished, then shit his pants a few beats later when it was clear the Palace player was clean through on goal.

    How do you explain that? Mental malfunction doesn’t seem plausible.

    This is the same guy who, two weeks ago, saw fit to play Chelsea an advantage when Dier lunged in (and had to be sent off for it) deep in Chelsea’s own half. That’s the ultimate in holding fire on the whistle just in case something eventually develops (or it’s something else of course)

    So what can you say about his/ pgmol’s take on the advantage rule?

    Been evident for a long time that it’s a preferred weapon of theirs, one that allows them to avoid giving countless deserved bookings, and also to stop momentum in many situations where they should be letting play continue, but yesterday was desperate stuff.

  71. @BG, ignore the dislikes, keep doing what you’re doing as I appreciate your humorist posts.

  72. I waz of the opinion that after Fergie the PGMo will give a fair performance in United games,but after reading the comments above it seems that the tradition to favour Manu continues unchecked.
    With Maureen arriving at United this favouritism may stretch beyond limits as United being the darling of the masses and the PGMO & Mourinhio being the darling of the media and the press a perfect match.All in all a perfect recipe of undeserved success.

    Difficult times for Arsenal ahead.

  73. Dismayed about Mourinho.

    This latest period has surprised me by revealing how deep my loathing of him is. I knew I couldn’t stand the git, but it goes way beyond that.

    He’s almost literally like a poison to me. I think of what he means for English football, the games, the interviews, the scheming, the bullshit, and, bleurgh. Horrible

    Him at Old Trafford, with the thought of what he’ll try to do with the media and refs from there- it’s my ultimate football nightmare.

    The only positive I can take is that if it goes wrong that should finally be the end of him in English football, but there’ll be so much ugliness between now and then.

    One other possible plus is that hopefully some of his venom will be spent on Pep and maybe the other big names, like Conte. I imagine he’ll want to play it carefully there, knowing Wenger is the only one he is safe to spew maximum bile towards, but hopefully he’ll lose his composure again quickly.

    Some capitulation from Utd, mind. More reason, too, for us to try close any deals we are pursuing very quickly. Chelsea, City and Utd are going to throw some serious cash around soon and we might just have a window for another week or so before they fully crank into gear.

    Expect Mendes to offer Utd some preferential, though not cheap, treatment immediately. Renato Sanches might have been the play which sealed the deal.

  74. Rich
    Agree cant stand the posionous one.Also not worried about his footballing brains as he does not have the deep knowlege to make a team apart from buying already establiahed big players.
    His knowledge is so poor imo that he sold excellent players in Mata KDB Shurlle Salah to name a few .To top it up he bought flops likeBaba Rehman and Cuadardo
    Speaks volume about his footballing brains.
    Thr only worry is that PGmo will be out to favour United this time with all there guns blazing.

  75. @ Polo -May 22, 2016 at 8:36 am – Thanks . I don’t really take heed of the haters, naysayers or in this case the DISLIKERS ! I ‘ve always found it quite funny .

    Got me thinking though , maybe it the way I communicate my ideas ? Is it possible that my message is not getting through to them ? Thick skulls not withstanding ! And also possibly the lack of a fully functioning brain !

    So with that in mind , here is a soon to be at your nearest stores item that should brook no misunderstanding of the different languages and accents . So worry no more , here comes …..

    http://www.theearthchild.co.za/in-ear-device-that-translates-foreign-languages-in-real-time/

  76. And for those who are perhaps feeling anxious and are unduly worrying about the future, here are sound sound advice from ZEN MASTER Jonathan Field –

    https://masterjonathanfield.com/2013/08/09/10-to-zen/

    10 to Zen

    1 – Let go of comparing.
    You have your own life to worry about.

    2 – Let go of competing.
    Unless you are competing in a competition you are not in competition with anyone, perhaps only yourself.

    3 – Let go of judgments.
    Most of the time you don’t know the whole story.

    4 – Let go of anger.
    It is okay to be angry but don’t swell on it.

    5 – Let go of regrets.
    What is done is done. You cannot change it. Learn from it and move on.

    6 – Let go of worrying.
    Worrying takes away from the present and doesn’t do anything for the past or future.

    7 – Let go of blame.
    Blaming yourself or others won’t help anything. Look for solutions instead.

    8 – Let go of guilt.
    You can feel guilty but only for a limited time. Don’t let it eat you up inside.

    9 – Let go of fear.
    Fear most of the time is worse than what you are afraid of.

    10 – Have a proper belly laugh.
    Trying to follow all of these is pretty darn hard and you’ll mess up a lot. If you cannot laugh at yourself then you are a little to serious.

  78. An interesting opinion in Arsenal blog A Cultured Left Foot today. I’ve taken it out of context, but it’s worth considering and makes plenty of sense.

    “The answer is next weekend’s Champions League final. Clattenburg refereed it exactly how UEFA will want to see their showpiece managed and if he impresses with that, England’s typically early exit from Euro2016 opens the door for him to officiate the final, giving him some sort of treble that his good chum, Sir Alex Ferguson, will appreciate.”

  79. Tomorrow will be the presentation of the new home kit and probably with the new fresh shining player in it. Seen lots of pictures from someone who works at Arsenal and who gave it to my supporters club website

  80. Look like Alexis is not going anywhere, the media and their pathetic Arsenal bashing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *