By Dr Billy “the Dog” McGraw, chief psychiatrist at the University College Hospital of the North Circular Road.

It was with much surprise and interest that I made my monthly sojourn to the official website of Tottenham Hotspur football club and found with much astonishment the headline

Stream Arsenal match ‘live’ this Sunday!

Yes that is the actual headline, no mistake, no kidding, as live as a live thing that is thoroughly alive.

So what could this be?  A match at new WHL?

Well, up to a point, as they used to say.  Here’s what the piece says…

“The first Premier League north London derby inside our new stadium was supposed to have taken place this weekend, but we’re making up for the lack of action by streaming a memorable home clash with the Gunners from April, 2017 – the last derby at White Hart Lane!”

Ah, so that word ‘live’ in the old inverted commas is in fact used to mean “recorded” or perhaps “historic” or perhaps “old”.

I can, through the marvels of my time ship, tell you that this match will end 2-0 to the Tiny Totts, and I am very sorry if that spoils your fun, but you know how it is with us time travellers.  We never know when to leave things alone.

But what I really love is the fact that ” there’ll be live updates on Twitter @SpursOfficial to complement the action”.

Very good.  Live updates eh?  On a match that’s sort of as old as an old thing that is three years old.

Meanwhile back in the serious world, in case you have other things to think about, despite the fact that we now have over 50 players coming to Arsenal this summer, some more are on the horizon…

For example

Gabriel Veron

“The Brazilian wonderkid linked with Arsenal”  So says Football.London.  He’s 17, plays for Palmeiras and is a forward

Adama Traore

“Adama Traore’s agent hints at move after Liverpool and Arsenal transfer links” cries the Daily Star.  He is 24, a winger or wing-back for Wolverhampton Out-of-cash and he began his career with Barcelona,

Dries Mertens

Just Arsenal tells us that Mertens is a high-profile target. He’s Belgian, is available on a free.  Would come as a free agent if we can convince him to move, and he’s a striker and a winger with Napoli.

César Gelabert

He’s 19, plays for Palencia, and is a midfielder.  Real Mad are after him.  Star, Folo, the Mole and 90 mins all think it is real.

Sardar Azmoun

He’s 25, everyone is trying to buy him, he’s Iranian (their fifth highest goal scorer of all time) and he plays for Zenit St. Petersburg.  Leicester want him.

So there we are, five more transfers to be added to the chart.  If you want to see the 55 we have already been tipped to sign they are here.