The 16 players who Arsenal will sign in January – according to the “experts”

 

 

 

• Arsenal are top of the big seven league, but guess who is bottom.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Having got everything so wrong about Arsenal in their coverage of the last three year – particularly

• 2019/20 –  Arsenal were the most yellow carded team in the league, 
• 2020/21  – no one predicted yellow cards would slip from 86 in 2019/20 to 47 in 2020/21 nor that having been 15th after the first third of the season the club would be second across the last two thirds of the season
• 2021/22 – no one predicted Arsenal would lose their opening 3 games nor that across the remaining 35 games in the league the club would be third.

… you might expect the self-proclaimed experts, correspondents, reporters and the like would have calmed down a bit but no, they carried on with their wild and whacky predictions each one saying that Asenal would at best end up fifth.  Obviously, we don’t know yet what will happen in the end, but certainly none of these “experts” had Arsenal top of the league at Christmas – nor even in the top four.

And yet despite this gross and continuing failure of the journalists to foresee any of the key points surrounding Arsenal in the last three and a half seasons they still have the nerve to come out and report the players Arsenal will be signing in the depths of January!  It is extraordinary, bizarre and bonkers.

I mean, what sort of nerve must you have to get EVERYTHING wrong and then still go on and keep predicting what will happen!  It’s worse than being an astrologer  – for at least they occasionally get something right.   Indeed I think rather than “football reporters” we should call these people “football astrologers”.

Of course with transfers, they all cover themselves by reporting what someone else (usually in a foreign land) has predicted, so that one can never get to the origins of the story but they just keep on keeping on.  Apology is there none, either for the fact that their rumours never turn out to be true, and they all miss the biggest stories that there are concerning Arsenal.

And it is not so much that they get things wrong, it’s more that they ignore the facts.  Why are they so utterly and totally inept?  A five year old child could do better working by chance.

But they are still there and so it still behoves Untold to make fun of them.   Thus here are the players who almost certainly will NOT be transferring to Arsenal in January – and we can say “not” because these journalists all say it is happening…

 

Number	Player	Position	Current club	Source
1	Tammy Abraham	Forward	Roma	TBR Caught Offside
2	Rodrigo Becao	Defender	Udinese	Arsenal Station, Caught Offside
3	Samuel Chukwueze	Winger	Villarreal	Liverpool Echo, Caught Offside
4	Danilo	Midfield	Aston Villa	Caught offside
5	Cody Gakpo	Striker	PSV	TBR Express
6	Alejandro Garnacho.	Winger	Man U	TBR
7	Ilkay Gundogan	Winger	Man C	FoLo
8	Milinkovic-Savic	Midfielder	Lazio	HITC
9	Mykhaylo Mudryk	Winger	Shakhtar Donetsk	TBR; FoLo , Newcastle World Mailonline.  Shields Gazette Caught offside Mirror HITC
10	Noah Okafor,	Forward	RB Salzburg	FoLo; Sport Witness, Hammers News, HITC Mirror
11	Cristiano Ronaldo	Forward	Man U	Express
12	Milan Skriniar	Centre back	Inter	Football Talk, FoLo, HITC
13	Marcus Thuram	Goalscoring forward	Borussia Monchengladbach	Caught offside TBR
14	Youri Tielemans	Midfield	Barcelona	FoLo, PG Sport Gooner Talk
15	Facundo Torres	Wing	Orlando City	Express
16	Leandro Trossard	Winger	Brighton	Sussex Express

 

So that’s the first 16.  If we find any more we’ll add them to the list for the next run through.  But based on previous accuracy levels of two to three percent accuracy we can say the most likely outcome is that none of these players will arrive in the winter transfer window.

Arteta’s revolution: the transformation of Arsenal

• How Arteta built the new Arsenal and took us to the top of the league Part 1.
• Arteta’s revolution: How the media missed Arsenal’s change after Xmas Day 2020. Part 2
• How Arteta revolutionised Arsenal: Part 3 – the summer of 2021
• How Arteta became Arsenal’s most successful manager Ever: Part 4 – From 2021 onward