Totts issue celebratory mug and DVD after Saturday game

Tottenham Hotspur have continued their theme of celebrating matches against Arsenal with a special edition DVD and Spurs coffee mug following the 3-0 defeat on saturday.

The official reason for this release is not that the club like to find every possible way of ripping off its supporters and getting them to fork out good money for a load of tat while watching a team that is pathologically unable to score, but the fact that the club has now officially overtaken Arsenal in terms of the depth of its squad – as announced by Roy of the Rovers before the game.

“We have achieved planning permission for our training ground,” said chairman, Mr Daniel Levy, “and we have drawn some very pretty pictures of a new football pitch, so this is a good time to celebrate”, and who is to gainsay such astounding logic?

The Tiny Totts as they are affectionately known (after a comic for 3 year olds invented by PG Wodehouse in 1929) expect to break into the top 15 this year of the Conference South.  “After that who knows?” asked Mr Levy.

The game itself was seen as a major step forward by the club.  This is the headline from the Telegraph today

“Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has dismissed his side’s 3-0 loss to Arsenal as a blip, saying Spurs have the same level of quality as their north London rival and a Champions League qualification is still possible.”

Mr Renknapp also is quoted in the paper as saying

“I thought they (Arsenal) were edgy, they were giving the ball away, the crowd was moaning at every mistake.”


“There is no gap between the clubs in my opinion,” he added.

As a result, Mr R immediately demanded that the full propaganda machine of Tottland swing into action – just as it did last year when the Tinies got a draw at the Ems.   His son was ordered to mention that reserve league football was rubbish, every time he was interviewed on Sky.  (The fact that Tottinghamland don’t have a reserve team any more was not mentioned).

“Slobber, slurp, psosdfl slobber, grung, slurp,” said their head of communication, and I think we can all agree.

Copies of the DVD with free mug will be available in Help The Aged shops price 23p from Thursday.   Alternatively you could go and buy a copy of MAKING THE ARSENAL – the new novel about Arsenal which is much funnier.  It’s available to buy on line.

(c) Emperor Haile Selassie, November 1st, 1910.  Reproduced without permission, and no insult to his royal highness is intended by this piece of whimsical twaddle.

12 Replies to “Totts issue celebratory mug and DVD after Saturday game”

  1. Well your royal Emperor if one of these days the man in white coats drag me from my computer it will be your fault. Where do you get it from. This is great, once again. 😉 LOL
    I really think Harry Redknapp would be a greap pundit. LOL

  2. so do i can just picture him on sky sports news gillette soccer alongside charlie, paul merson, phil thompson and the rest all shouting at his team on live national tv and the sky sports security guards warning him to keep his mouth quiet llool

  3. The media are telling us that “tottenham gave the game to arsenal” and things like “arsenal won because tottenham self-destructed”. But the most amazing would have to come from the prawn-man mr. ‘arry ‘imself “All three goals were scandalous, there wasn’t a good goal amongst them. What can you do.”


  4. what a loser of a team…the manager and players are all true losers, they can’t just go on and accept the lost. But we already know that don’t we?

  5. What really gets on my tits about ‘arry is he was complaining about the Arsenal fans who were swearing near kids and calling them mental. Perhaps he should have a word with his own squad and tell them not to constantly swear on the pitch, and the spuds fans who come out with all the peado crap. I suppose its easier to look at your neighbours dirty washing than your own.

  6. From today’s Mirror
    “Tottenham’s defence was so bad at the Emirates that Haringey council are reportedly refusing to grant planning permission for their new stadium. Apparently a funfair once a year is fine, but a circus every other week is too much to ask…”

  7. Where i drink their are alot of spuds.After they beat Liverpool one of them had a bet with me that they would go unbeaten all season,and Pompey would not score more than 12 goals.Thank you,what a plonker.
    Why is it that the media have not given the credit to Cesc for a wonder goal.He had to run half the field to score,also beating 3 players.
    On the programme on Sky(sunday am) Sunday Supplement,the reporter Andy Dunne(News of the W)said this time last year that Mr.Wenger should be sacked.At the start of this season he said We will finish 6th.Yesterday when asked he said he may challenge.
    I have made a mental note of all these pundits who made predictions on Arsenal, and will post them on here.Only one,a guy called Oliver Kaye(not sure what paper) said Arsenal would finish in the top 2.

  8. They should have made it a celebratory pisspot. 😉 I would like to have one then. So we could piss on them all year long.

  9. Actually tell you one other thing about Saturday – the three of us were having our usual little drink outside the Auld Triangle in the place where we have stood before games for about 8000 years (well at least since the time of Alfred the Great) and the police came up and asked to move to the other side of the road.

    Now I am a gent of a certain age, and generally not considered to a be a wild menace to social well-being.

    I was drinking a diet coke (its the antibiotics), my partner was drinking an orange juice, and my mate had a pint. There we were, discussing the finer points of chapter 8 of MAKING THE ARSENAL (you may have heard of it) when the police car turns up and asks us to move to the other side of the next “within the confines of the pub”.

    Of course, being jolly decent and reasonable folk, we did – it actually made no odds to us at all – but it was really strange.

  10. Tony: It is not strange at all. The officers must have been Spuds or at least part of the Tiny Totts family.

    Did Old ‘Arry say anything about his plans to bankrupt the Tiny Totts like all his ex clubs? Damned!!! It must have slipped his mind.

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