By Walter Broeckx
People who are on the internet and as you read this you do have access to the internet know that there are a lot of people who claim to know things before they happen.
Now of course this could be that they really know something. Or just that they think about some things, and then look at the probability and then predict it when the chance it might happen is high enough. Many supporters don’t like them and on twitter you get many heated debate about them. They call themselves ITK which apparently stands for In The Know. Which is always GTK. Good To Know.
I’m not that bothered with their predictions. But when on twitter they come on my TM (Time Line) as people I follow retweet their tweets and so I read them. And after sending one of those ITK-guys a tweet myself (advertising the referee reviews you know) he got in touch with me. And we started talking. Privately. And he seemed a nice chap in real live. We had lots of laughs and fun when we talked about live and other not really football related things.
We even had a chat session and ended up with talking on the phone after exchanging our numbers. He really looked a nice and friendly person.
But this morning at 5.00 am my phone rang. I opened my eyes… who can this be? Are my children at home? Yes so no worry something had happened to them. Is my wife lying next to me? Yes she is asleep. I answered the phone with a voice from deep below when you get a phone and are still vast asleep. It was my new friend ITK. As he wants to remain unknown I will call him Mike. So I will give you a transcript of our conversation:
Walter: hallo (low sleepy whispering voice of course)
Mike: hi Walter, did I wake you?
Walter: yes you did (LSWVOC – see above)
Mike: sorry but had to tell you this important news
Walter: what important news ? Is Cesc coming back like you once said? (LSWVOC – see ab…. well you know)
Mike: No Walter this is really big.
Walter: what can be bigger than Cesc coming back or not?
Mike: Wait till you hear this.
Walter: okay just spit it out.
Mike: Just heard the news Kroenke is selling to Usmanov.
Walter: WHAT ??!!! (shouting with a less sleepy voice) – wife mumbles in her sleep – what??!! (shouting with a whispering voice once again)
Mike: yes and that’s not all. There is more to come.
Walter: okay tell me the rest.
Mike: Usmanov will fire Wenger and bring in a new coach.
Walter: come on Usmanov has said Wenger was a good manager, you’re having a joke…
Mike: no, no I swear he will get the sack. A new manager will be appointed tomorrow.
Walter: uh, so now uh you are going to tell me who the new manager will be?
Mike: yes, Usmanov has held talks with arry.
Walter : ARRYYYYY????!!!! (again shouting – again wife mumbling in her sleep) you are joking right?
Mike: no Walter, I’m the one ITK you know.
Walter: indefinite mumbles something between swearing in English and Flemish with a soft whispering voice – the wife you know
Mike: Yep and I have heard that Arry will bring a lot of new players. He has already held talks with : Keane, Crouch, Defoe, Bent, King, Gallas, Walker and Rose. Those names are certain. He also wants to bring Kaka but you know he always wants to bring Kaka so even I don’t believe that any more. The word is however going that we will have a bid for Samba or Dunn. And Pavluchenko might be coming if Saha can’t come.
Walter: NNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (I shouted in despair and with a loud crying voice)
Then suddenly I received an elbow in my lower back. (My wife has hard elbows)
What (the f*ck – she didn’t actually say those two words as she is too well educated to say such things) are you doing in the middle of the night with that remote control in your hands? And who are you shouting at? Shut up and go back to sleep.
And then I realized that I was sitting in my bed with the remote control of my TV in my hands using it as some kind of telephone.
I had been dreaming. With my heart still beating as if I had just ran the Olympic 100m sprint I realized I just had the worst nightmare in my life. My God, it can’t be true? Could it?
I hardly slept for the rest of the night. Just thinking just imagine it would happen? Just imagine it would happen that way. Just imagine…
So if it happens, you have read it here first.
Or you could read the rest that is not meant to be funny like
- THE EPL REFEREE REVIEW: Showing some bias
- THE EPL REFEREE REVIEW 2012: Releasing the first numbers
- Arsenal appoint new reserve boss
- A Van Persie-Giroud Partnership?
- Are Rangers about to follow the Royal Arsenal approach to football
- George Graham – Arsenal’s second most successful manager
- Giroud is in – but who could it push out?
- Stewart Houston – managed Arsenal twice
- Giroud will score 14 next season
- Football has changed into a killer instinct game