Virus contracts Wayne Rooney: a world perspective

Viewing events from high up in the Julian Alps gives one a new perspective on football affairs, and none more so than in the extraordinary case of the virus that caught “Wayne Rooney”.

I can tell you that in much of the world this was a story of considerable concern, and many were deeply worried about the health of the virus.  Fortunately as we now know the virus ultimately recovered but the affair does reveal exactly how dangerous a Wayne Rooney can be.

For, as we saw on Wednesday night, while the Wayne Rooney is a totally useless shambles when wearing an English shirt, if a virus catches a Rooney it can do untold damage to the virus as a semi-life-form.

I think we should take far more care when letting things like the Wayne Rooney out.  When it happens (as it did last night) GP surgeries should be put on high alert, and there should be leaflets through every door warning the natives of the dangers of children contracting a Wayne Rooney.  It is said that one can catch Wayne Rooney just by putting a Wayne Rooney shirt on.  While this is of course just a silly story (along with the one that says you can go blind by putting a Wayne Rooney shirt on) it should not be used to cover up the real dangers of Wayne Rooney.

Thankfully life in the virus world has now calmed down, talk of retaliation and mass innoculation of viruses against Wayne Rooney has been set aside, and we can focus on Fulham.

I had a wonderful holiday, and thank you to everyone who took the trouble to write personally both wishing me well for the trip and welcoming me back yesterday.  Slovenia is a brilliant, relaxed, clean, calm and friendly country.  I recommend it to everyone who knows that just occasionally there is life outside of football and the pub.


2 Replies to “Virus contracts Wayne Rooney: a world perspective”

  1. Last night on Sky Sports News, the reporter says, during his piece on John Terry’s England captaincy: “In last year’s Carling cup Final, he was kicked in the face and taken to hospital, but he was back at the stadium at full time, after discharging himself from hospital, to join in the celebrations. And it’s this kind of attitude, that has made John Terry England captain once again.” Surely, it’s this kind of STUPIDITY that should have seen to it that John Terry never captained his country again. Discharging yourself from hospital, just minutes after being treated for a pretty serious head injury that saw you flat out on the floor after being booted in the head, isn’t bravery, it’s pure idiocy. Everyone goes on about him being “brave as a lion” and all that rubbish, but with Terry, it’s not bravery, “sticking your head in where it hurts”, it happens to often to him for it to be bravery. It’s pure “ooh look at me, aren’t I great getting injured all the time cos I like to throw myself at the ball, no matter whose head/boot/fist/chest is in the way. Aren’t I so big and brave Why, if there were a hand grenade on it’s way towards our goal I’d stick me head on it” stupidity. The thing is, I thought people were wising up to it and realising all of the above. Everyone apparently apart from the England manager. He obviously hasn’t been here long enough. Well I for one won’t be supporting Chels…sorry, England, while that idiot is captain and running round like a headless chicken, it’s just like watching a mini version of Chelsea. Capello. A new man with new ideas? Then how come nothing seems to have changed?

  2. I’m sure there will be a fair few Gooners wondering what the frig is going on. To be honest, when I saw the headline I was one of them but on reflection this could be a seriously good bit of business. So here, my fellow Arsenal fans, are some reasons to be cheerful.

    * He cost £750,000, which is four Justin Hoytes!

    * This summer we’ve spent £17.75 million on players and recouped £12 million from Hleb and Gilberto. That means the chances are we can still look at paying £10 million + on the midfielder we desperately, desperately need.

    * Despite the fact we’ve been laughing at him for years he is better than Senderos, Djourou, Traore and Song (for now), and would probably make a better right back than Eboue too.

    * William Gallas and Kolo Toure now know that there’s at least a semi-viable replacement for either of them in the event of them turning crap halfway through the season – which is exactly what Toure did last year.

    * Now that they’ve lost Silvestre and Pique and the Neviller is damaged goods, United’s defensive cover looks…well it looks like John O’Shea.

    * Arsene Wenger has finally signed someone we’ve actually heard of.

    * Arsene Wenger has finally signed someone who doesn’t qualify for a young person’s railcard.

    * Erm…with him and Gallas, Arsenal surely now have the two players with the largest heads in the history of professional football. Now all we need is for penalties to be done away with and replaced with some sort of average skull size rule and we would be unstoppable in knockout football.

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