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August 2021

2 relegations, 2 sackings, 2 administrations v Arsenal

By Billy the Dog McGraw

It’s Theo Walcott Day today.   But more on that later.

Because we are off to play Arry – the man whose reputation precedes him, as the headline says.  Twice relegated, twice sacked, twice leaving behind him a club in such dire straits there was serious doubt if it could continue.

Bournemouth, West Ham, Southampton, Portsmouth, Tottenham H and QPR.  How those names roll off the tongue.

For the amazing thing is that it was never his fault.

Meanwhile our manager, Arsène Wenger as you may recall, has revealed that the whole thing about him trotting off to play with PSG’s money is a myth.  He rather fancies Arsenal.  Of course the AAA will be horrified and outraged, but for the Untold readers, it is rather fine news.

At the press conference ahead of the game against Queens’ Park Ranglers Mr W spoke of going for the top four finish and the strengthening the squad in the summer.  That means the board has agreed to hand over the cash.  £50m on transfers, £50m for extra salary.

And as might be expected when asked by a rather tedious journo at the press conference, Arsène Wenger replied: “I answered that question already. I respect my contracts.   I want to stay (on past 2014) if I do well and if I consider or the club considers that I do well, that is all.

“I want this club to do well, that is my basic feeling.  We have gone through a period that was very sensitive, we are coming out of it now, in a much stronger position financially.  I believe the club is in a very strong position for the future.

“I believe a big club should be run where everybody does his job and I try to do my job. The only thing I can say is that I do it with a lot of commitment and a lot of loyalty. I try to do as well as a I can for this club.

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“I believe that this club is today in a very, very strong position and has gone through a very sensitive period in a very intelligent way. After that, everything is here to have a great future.
“We have a good fanbase, we have now a strong financial situation, we have good young players and a squad with a bright future with the quality of the young players we have. It is just to manage it well now.”
So here we are, unbeaten in seven in the league, fourth place.   We are indeed one behind Chelsea and two ahead of Tottenham, and we have played one more.
Team Played Goal Difference Points
Man Untidy 35 43 85
Man Oil 34 30 71
Chelsea Changelings 34 33 65
The Arsenal 35 30 64
The Tiny Totts 34 17 62
Everyman 35 14 59

Chelsea play Man U this weekend, and have to play Tottenham as well as playing in the Europa Final, so anything could happen.

So, to find out who plays I met up with Dennis Bergkamp at the Toppled Bollard Bacon and Sausage Emporium on the North Circular Road.

Dennis ordered his regular bacon roll and strong tea, and told me in no uncertain terms that Theo Walcott only had to score once more to have 20 goals this season in all major competitions.   “That means he has so far knocked in….” I said playing for time as I did the calculations on my napkin.

“Twelve,” said Dennis, and I smiled, pretending I had almost completed the complex calculus.

“Who leads the attack?” I asked the Master.  You will know that Lukas Podolski or Theo the Goal.  are in contention to lead the attack at Loftus Road.

“Podolski is not having a new ankle put in,” said Dennis.  “He may not lead up front today, but he will be there next season.  But don’t forget Olivier Giroud has two goals less than Theo.”  I sighed and called for more napkins and a better pen.

“Podolski played in the middle last time,” said Dennis, “but Theo scored.  That tells us something…” but I missed what it was as I turned to page three of my calculations and announced that Giroud has 823 goals this season.   Dennis nodded wisely.

“We are one short of 50% of a three figured number in terms of goals in the four competitions this season,” said Dennis, as I returned with the Bumper Book of Algebraic Fun, and continued calculating.

“We’ve scored more goals than Britain has pounds left in the Bank of England,” I said, and Dennis congratulated me as he ordered another round of sandwiches.
Elsewhere Lukasz Fabianski is still injured but was not expected to have scored had he played.  Abou Diaby is out until  November.  QPR will probably play  Traoré and Bothroyd.
As we tucked into our duck a la North Circular, (“If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it hasn’t been in the microwave long enough” – Mrs Bollard) I tore a page from the algebra book and sketched a team.


Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs;

Arteta, Ramsey;


Cazorla, Podolski, Walcott, Cazorla

“That’s twelve players,” objected Dennis and I rechecked my geometry.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, “because Cazorla can pop up anywhere so no one will notice.”  We agreed that was fair.

For subs we had Mannone, Jenkinson, Monreal, Vermaelen, Coquelin, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Wilshere,

By now a crowd had gathered, mostly asking for my autograph although a few recognised Dennis too.  “Tell us the news,” they said, so I obliged.

“QPR won’t collapse – they will fight to the death,” I announced, and everyone gave me a look.

“QPR have played four hours, 35 minutes without scoring a goal in the Premier League which is nearly six weeks,” I added.

“We ain’t never ever won at Nat Lofhouse Road in the Premier League era, and that has to stop soon – not least because we have just won our last three away games.  Last time it was four in a row was November 2010.”

“How long ago was that?” asked Dennis, and I replied by telling him of the Battle of Bosworth.
“Aaron Ramsey has been shot more times without scoring than anyone else,” I added.  Dennis asked me what the average was a game, and I said “one”.

“Tell us about the last three meetings,” screamed a little boy at the back of the crowd.  Dennis stood, and there was a hush.

Arsenal 1 (Arteta) QPR 0,  October 2012.

QPR 2 Arsenal 1 (Walcott), March 2012.

Arsenal 1 (Van Persie) QPR 0, December 2011.

“That’s backwards in time,” said the lad, and oh how we laughed.

QPR have won once against Arsenal in the last six games,” said Dennis, and have won four games in the league this season.”

“Which is less than Derby County in 2007-08 when they won one.”

“You think it will be 1-1?” asked Dennis.

“Our last top-flight away win against QPR was 3-1 on 24 November 1990, but we did win at Loftus Road in 2002-03 and 2003-04, when Fulham were living there,” I countered and several commented on my footwork.

And so we packed up and headed home, leaving me with just a few snippets to add about us and the opposition.

QPR were last relegated from the Premier League in 1995-1996, and this time around have got two points from their last six games.

We have never lost having taken the lead this season.And yes it is Theo’s 200th league game today.  Happy double century Theo.

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36 comments to 2 relegations, 2 sackings, 2 administrations v Arsenal

  • @blacksheep63

    glad to see DB10 still enjoying his bacon sarnies. I think Monreal will start because ‘arry gets twitchy when the nachos come out. We can’t expect the Saints to do us a favour so by k/o the tiny tots will be ahead of us in the table. I am marking exams all afternoon and my ‘reward’ is to listen to the game later. Let’s hope we are all smiling by 7ish. Come on you Gunners!

  • Adam

    A comical read, greatly received.

  • Adam

    So, we have never lost under Moss (I think), QPR have only won once in nine attempts under the man.

    Eventually, I would like to see Monreal & Gibbs control that left hand side together.

  • WalterBroeckx

    1-0 to the Arsenal.

  • Mandy Dodd

    Great start not vintage but who cares our score line of history. Could have done with giroud all those corners. Is wenger getting pragmatic in his old age? Still a potentially dangerous unpredictable fixture out of the way we now face those fighting for their lives who will seemingly have to attack unless Newcastle may be in a position to need a draw must admit I have not worked out the permutations. Btw good save ches do we really need another number one?

  • bjtgooner

    Another tricky game out of the way and a valuable three points. Well done guys.

  • Yassin

    QPR go to second devision you **** team, no passion no comitment nothing except when you face us, i want to know why do teams play their best against us and then they jsut sit and watch agaibnst other?

  • AL

    Good result, well done Gunners.

  • Norm

    No problem with these scruffy games – only the result matters. Today Kos and Arteta were excellent and good to see Szcz really playing well again. As it was espn, we had the sound off.

  • sperez

    Tricky game. LOL! Against the worst team in the league, relegated, with nothing to play for and Arsenal still struggled. Too much complacency and averageness on the pitch. Wenger clearly can’t motivate his players to win his imaginary ‘4th place trophy’, let alone a real one.
    It’s simply unbelievable that a club with a wage bill so huge doesn’t have a single world class player. The best player we have is Cazorla, a very good player, but not world class.
    Wenger has really damaged Arsenal, making a mockery of the team with his terrible policy.
    I’m sure Wenger staying is great news for you lot, very settled for mediocrity, paying too much to eat excrement disguised as caviar.
    But I guess it’s easier for you to blame the fans who won’t stand for this shower of shite anymore than face the painful reality.

  • sperez

    It’s not like they play their best against us. This is down to Arsenal’s abysmal performance.

  • americangooner

    the only think that mattered today was the 3 points. 1-0 or 3-0, the point is the same. the game was more defensive than offensive. as a result of not pressing by our players, qpr tended to put pressure on the back. scsz was brilliant. 1-0 yo yhe Arsenal.

  • americangooner

    *to the Arsenal

  • Adam

    See the twunt won’t go away.

  • Mick

    re Sperez
    Ignore him and he will wither on the vine. He is an attention seeker and gets his kicks from the reaction he provokes. Deny him his ‘hits’ and he will give up and disappear up his own arse.

  • Shard

    I’d rather we play poorly and win, than play well and lose or draw. Isn’t the result supposed to be all important? Even according to the twunts (copyright Adam)?

    We weren’t even really poor, except in the final third. Spurs on the other hand, were abysmal. But they won. Just like we did. Let’s see if Chelsea can do the same against ManU.

  • Mahdain

    Who let the rat out? Close the sewer the next time people

  • Ong Bing

    Tricky game, good win.

    For peoples that said we struggle with relegation team, if I am not wrong, this relegation team win in away game against big team, big team with blue shirt. 🙂

  • Mandy Dodd

    Heard about the spuds crap performance as well shard they must be the most one man team since ….. well….media accusations we had last season! Maybe the ex spud element at qpr raised their game a little to help out the old boys!

  • sperez

    Yes, Ong Bing, QPR have a better record against the top sides than Arsenal. Truly an embarrassment.
    At least Spuds are better than Arsenal when it comes to keeping hold of their best player…Arsenal just keep selling them until there’s no one left.

  • Rufusstan

    Play the worst team in the league, win the game in 20 seconds, get the 3 points. At this stage in the season, what else do you want?

    sperez, in all honesty, can you say QPR dominated the game at any point? Did you ever feel like they were going to win? Its a tricky game because they have players with nothing to lose, and are maybe playing for their next job. Cynical maybe, but they are on TV, in the shop window

  • Shard


    Maybe they did. Townsend looked better than he’s probably ever been. Playing for their futures might have something to do with it as well.

    Spurs were terrible. They should have been 2 goals behnd Soton in the first half, but their finishing let them down. It just seemd like they would win it at the end like that. I was hoping I was wrong, but you could see something like that happening because Southampton didn’t score when they were on top (It’s not something that happens only to us, despite what some believe)

    Oh well..As long as Chelsea lose tomorrow. Although I have my doubts about that.

  • sperez

    Just like against 10-man Fulham…But complacency is accepted by Wenger. No winning mentality.
    During some moments in the game I thought Arsenal was the team relegated.

  • Shard

    Yeah dream on fella

  • Shard


    Doesn’t it say something about your intelligence, that you are moaning about 2 wins by cribbing about lack of a winning mentality.. Do you mean a whining mentality?

  • WalterBroeckx

    I’ve seen most of the spuds game and they should have been 0-2 down at half time. Southampton was the better team.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Because you wish sperez, because you wish…LOL

  • Mandy Dodd

    Shard fergie and rafa rumoured to despise each other, hope this is one of the rumours that are true and utd respond accordingly but I can see a score draw

  • sperez

    You know very well this is not only about these two games, Fulham & QPR.
    Wenger has created an eviroment brimming with complacency and this has been going on for years. That’s why we haven’t won sod all for 8 years.
    Wenger is the biggest example of complacency at Arsenal. Grossly overpaid for sitting on his hands made him a complacent manager who couldn’t adapt and never will. And he is ok with that as long as the money keeps coming. He’s in decline but the worst are some fans who live in total denial.

  • Shard


    Yet those were the two examples you used.

    You know people always accuse junkies of having their own world to live in and being in denial of reality. Well maybe that’s true of me.. Because I’m an Arsenal junkie.. What about you? Are you not an Arsenal fan? In which case, your argument is irrelevant… If you are an Arsenal fan, isn’t it possible that you’ve built up your own junkie vision too? It’s just that your high is full of nightmares and demons instead of rainbows and roses..That sucks man, but don’t drag everyone else down with you. That’s not cool man.. Now where’s the food? Nomnomnomnomnomnom

  • Shard


    Yes..Their reported dislike for each other might be just the ticket for us to indirectly benefit..but who knows? Let’s see how things pan out over this week. We’ll know whether it’s in our hands or not by then.

  • Stevie E

    Hi Sperez

    I would really appreciate your opinion on the following –


  • WalterBroeckx

    Stevie E,
    Interesting stuff but not really what sperez would like to see I think. 😉

  • Stevie E

    Hey Walter

    No, doesn’t really fit in with his lack of desire mantra does it..?

  • elkieno

    Jeez that sperez is a negative nancy if the highest order. The game was on at 2:23am or some crazy hour like that, so after early goal I watched the rest if the half then just have dropped off to sleep. When I woke (baby crying) the game was over and I had a nervy few minutes while I rewound the game too see final score, those few min are the worst!
    Until I see we won then off to bed a happy chappy, unlike sperez who is incapable of being happy, cos he a spud!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Could very well apply to disgruntled football ‘fans’ as well !

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
    ― Groucho Marx