Introduction: St Totteridge: recent results
And now to the tale…
By Don McMohan
Now that the Football season has finally come to a grinding halt (as witness England playing meaningless friendlies with Ashley Cole as captain), it is time for a great folktale to be told:
Once upon a time on England’s green shores, there was a Brave Red and White warrior named Robin Van Persecuted whose band of merry outlaws roamed the Emirates forest, snubbing their noses at the other outlaw bands and assorted miscreants who generally stole from their loyal fans. Every year they poached the best outlaws from wherever they could and laughingly sold their best in order to remain in the game and to make a small profit.
Suddenly, Brave Robin was captured by the evil Northerners known as the mancs and once converted to their wicked ways, merrily robbed his former tribe and earned much silver as a traitor and sycophant of their robber baron leader Sir Axel Funguson.
This betrayal supposedly meant that the Red and White clan was doomed to eternal mediocrity because their talisman leader was whisked away, thereby condemning his former compatriots to run around like headless chickens for the remainder of their days.
Well, despite the most dire predictions from the pundits and ¨experts¨ , the great sage, magician, and mage Artistic Winner, whose role was to protect the R&W band from evildoers, cast a spell which brought four braver and nobler freemen to the Emirates glades. Oliver leGrande, Lukas the Pole, Saint Razorla and Natty Manreal slotted into the band and along with Theology Wall-Cot and The Ox, The Ram and the Cheezer, earned more loot than previous seasons and lost less, especially in their final 16 adventures!
What this seemingly dire and fatal defection actually did was to teach these fine lads that teamwork and sharing of the glory actually gets one further than a one man show. In the neighbouring village of Totteringham, this lesson was learned most painfully as the mob known as the Hotspam were pipped at the post by our stellar crew and for the 17th time in a row, and were thus condemned to miss the great Joust known as the Champions Layabout. Their best outlaw, Gotouton Bail, despite his best efforts, was unable to secure his beloved Totts anything more than a token, 2nd class Thursday night in Europe.
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Meanwhile the local authorities, known as the Fools Association continued their pretence of keeping the peace and maintaining Law and Order in the realm, while in reality they were fearfully and blindly ignoring serious foul behaviour and lawbreaking by, among others a certain Callous McMisfit of the Wigan township.
They even ordered that a group of young women, known as the Doncaster Rovers Belles were to be ejected from the local social network and deemed to be a coven of witches, all on an apparent whim! Interestingly enough the beautiful Red & White women, led by Maid Mary were crowned the Queens of the local social network after a stunning display of grace and charm on the weekend past.
Well, thanks to the collective effort and impressive expertise of their brilliant mage, their resilient and committed boys in the band and their ever supportive Islington townspeople and fans worldwide, this band of merry outlaws ended their latest adventure richer, more unified and more confident than in anytime since their glory days of Invincibility.
Robin Van Persecuted was successful in the short term and got what he wanted….a shiny silver trinket. However, this never-ending story has many more twists and turns to come so stay tuned for further instalments.