16 transfers that won’t happen (but Frederico Grueso might be sold)

By Antonio en la Madera

All the following statements have been carried by the press in the last 24 hours, and they all have something in common.  Can you guess what it is?

  • Arsenal will not sell Santi Cazorla to Atletico Madrid
  • Barcelona will not sell Fabregas to Manchester United
  • Chelsea will not sell Branislav Ivanovic,
  • Chelsea will not sell David Luiz to Bayern Munich (although you can get a Davis Luiz shirt for £86 in the Chelsea shop apparently)
  • Chelsea will not sell Juan Mata or David Luiz
  • Chelsea will not sell Ryan Bertrand to Liverpool
  • Everton will not sell Leighton Baines
  • Liverpool will not sell Suarez to Arsenal
  • Man United will not sell Rooney to Arsenal or Chelsea
  • Manchester City will not sell Dzeko
  • Manchester City will not sell Kolarov
  • Manchester City will not sell Lescott
  • Manchester City will not sell Tevez (oh, sorry that was last summer).
  • Real Madrid will not sell Cristiano Ronaldo
  • Real Madrid will not sell Pepe
  • Tottenham will not sell Bale to Manchester United

It is of course the new journalist game – get two stories out of one non-event.  I thought it was all fairly obvious but as it seems some people still like to write in to Untold saying how awful Arsenal are for not conducting their transfer business now, immediately at once, yesterday, and so I thought I would spell it out.

And yes it is still going on day by day so the journalists do believe we are falling for it.

You take Fred Thick (or to put a more romantic gloss on it Frederico Grueso) and say that PSG want to buy him from Manchester City for $75m.  OK that’s today’s exclusive all wrapped up, thank you boss, and down the pub.

Then the agent of Bert Little (now to be known, according to his agent, as Alberto Pequeño) gets really worked up.  How come Fred Thick is going for $75m when the boy Alberto hasn’t had an offer worth mentioning all summer?

Quick as a flash he calls his agent and his agent calls David Dull at the Express and says that Real Madrid want to pay $87m to buy Alberto Pequeño (aka Ben Little) from Chelsea.

Back in the Frederico Grueso (Fred Thick) story, Manchester City don’t know anything about the story, but they wouldn’t mind moving him on, given that they have just bought every moving player on the planet, so they phone PSG and say, “do you really want our boy Frederico?”   PSG say no, we’ve got enough rubbish languishing on the benches thank you very much.

So what do Manchester City do?  Now they’ve remembered that Frederico is their boy and yes they want to get rid of said Fred Thick, but they don’t want other clubs to know they are willing sellers, as it will make them look a bit dopey for buying him for $200m in the first place, and reduce their income.  So they say, “Frederico is not for sale at any price”.

Chelsea likewise would be very happy to get even half of the $87m for Alberto Pequeño so again they say he’s not for sale to anyone.

So with six weeks left in the transfer window everyone puts up the not for sale posters (apart from Liverpool who would quite like to get rid of their man who is an embarrassment and a nuisance so rather than say “not for sale” they stick a rather high price on him.  You can’t blame Liverpool, they’re just a bit desperate – having made a loss of almost £50m in the last round of figures available, and with no benefactor to put money in to wipe that away and let them move forward.)

So the game goes.  Everyone says the player is not for sale, and so we have a non-selling chain.  Such a chain is publicised as not for sale, but is in fact “not for sale until our man is moved on”).

(Of course sometimes clubs really don’t want to sell their player, so they too say that he is not for sale – but that is just confusing.  If everyone paid closer attention to the rules life would be a lot easier.)

Meanwhile the journalist is basking in glory.  He’s broken the Fred Thick story on Monday, it is copied in every other paper, and they can print the “Not for sale at any price” story on Tuesday which makes the club supposed to be bidding look rather stupid (for not knowing the sale was not on) while making the selling club look dumb for not leaping at the chance.  Everyone except the journalist looks out of the game – journalist heaven.

But better, said journo now has the follow up story fed to him by the agent of Alberto Pequeño (Bert Little) about a second transfer which again is denied the next day.  Four days’ worth of story, written in 20 seconds down the pub.

That’s the way you do it.

But it ain’t finished yet.  As we all know, apart from Liverpool actually wanting a spot of cash, there are also the Spanish clubs, including at least two of last year’s top three.  (It is harder to tell about Real Madrid, but if they are investigated for the fixed land deal next to their stadium, then they are going to need more money than the rest of the EU put together to get them out of the subsequent enquiries).

But what is the way out?  No one apart from Arsenal really wants to buy until they sell, either because they don’t have the money or because they do and they are concerned about FFP (except Man C who seemed determined to be the front runners in the club v Uefa finance case).

Yet perversely the rest  have been trapped into a no-selling scenario so as not to appear bad in front of their own supporters.  Arsenal on the other hand have no FFP worries, but really don’t want to pay silly money so they are not moving either.

The way out  is, rather tragically, to consider footballers a bit like houses in a chain.  Each house needs to be sold before the next one is sold, and none are sold because no one is going to move first.   We just need someone with more money than sense to make a move.

Now can you possibly think of anyone who falls into that category?

Someone up north who doesn’t think that the rules apply to them?

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30 Replies to “16 transfers that won’t happen (but Frederico Grueso might be sold)”

  1. So we are st in win a chance for Higuain then?

    Mind, I think you may be wrong on three of those, but who’s counting when most are wrong everyday.

  2. It’s easier to always blame journalists on this site for arsenal’s misfortunes…..when the suarez news first broke out;you were all like ‘never’. There must Always be someone to blame for arsenal’s misfortunes: if not PSG, then Man C…..You guyz need to grow up, and stop all your “Arsenal is an angel and everyother club is the devil” attitude.

  3. Another problem football faces, is the clubs that have sold players so far, for big fee’s, are those countries that allow third party ownership’s, so we cannot be sure that the selling clubs have money to bring in new players as the funds could’ve left football.

    Look at the big transfers, most have gone into France where TPPO’s are banned, but the players brought in are from Italy and Portugal, so can we safely state that the transfer fee has gone to the club and not an investment group, with Portugal you can safely assume it’s gone out of football.

    With UEFA planning to ban TPPO’s the investment groups who have acquired players, don’t want to reinvest in something that could fail. Money will pour out of the game in the next few years as the investment groups seek a way out by selling players into competitions that ban TTPO.

  4. @forengaxx
    How is the article blaming the journalist’s for any of Arsenal’s ‘misfortunes’ as you put it. The article simply points out what a load of bollocks the press come out with regarding their fabrication of transfer stories. Do you disagree with that sentiment? Comment on the article rather than coming out with the same load of stereotypical rubbish you moaners always come out with.
    Now bugger off and come back when you can form a logical sentence and discuss things properly. We had enough of your negative sort yesterday.

  5. @mick….cool down mate, having bad day already?…..my earlier comment was in response to the general posture of this site(am sure u can read simple enough english)……….And tell me if am wrong; Or did u miss the part where this particular article implies that R.madrid are involved in ‘foul play’ And ONLY ARSENAL are able to buy players without selling( distortion of fact:arsenal have moved more players out of the squad than any top team in europe; and yet to buy anyone of note!) Lastly, i need to ask; is it so scary to face Reality OR is there a price for been Delusional?

  6. @forengaxx
    You are the one who came on with an aggressive, provocative comment so do not be surprised when you get pulled up on it. The vast majority of commenters on this site like and support the way the club is run, you call us delusional yet we are the ones accepting the reality of the situation, not you. What we do not accept is the constant stream of crap written and broadcast (eg Talksport) about our club. The constant critics are the ones who need to look at themselves. The season hasn’t started yet but already the carping has started from so called fans. If you are happier criticising then there are plenty of other sites more in tune with your needs.

  7. Therz a famous saying in my language, its like a piece of advice. It translates to ” People only see what they wish to see.”
    Like a horse with winker, it sees only where you direct it. Its time AAAs got rid of this media-agenda driven winkers off them. The world is much bigger than it appears through those.
    Join the support, stop demanding.

  8. The new player in the house . Same old , same old !

    New-age Daughter in law
    Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered. They don’t come to change the family, they are here to … ( READ ON !)

    The new wife was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech;
    ‘My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family. Firstly, my being here does not mean that I want to change your way of life, your routine ..’No, I will never do that, never in a million years.’

    ‘What do you mean my child?’ asked the father-in-law.
    ‘What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
    Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
    Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
    Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
    Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!
    ‘And what are you here for?’ enquired the mother-in-law.

    ‘ I’M HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!

  9. Simple truth of the matter is this the appeal of sport is the appeal of identifying yourself with the competitor, be it a person or a team and celebrating in their victories or defeat. Most of the time we choose who we support by some sort of tribal connection – be it local or national – or sometimes simply because that team or competitor appeals to us on some level. The other key thing is that, whilst we understand if there are to be victories, there must also be defeats, a support is based on an understanding that person or team will try their utmost to succeed.Sport, unlike life, is not about compromise, it’s about striving to be the best you possibly can be. Can anyone on here genuinely say that’s what Arsenal are doing? And I mean trying their best to compete on the basis of sporting competition, not within their own criteria or philosophy? I challenge anyone on here to say they are.I keep going back to the performances of the Olympic athletes, their sheer determination to succeed for the simple glory of winning to me highlights the shameful behaviour of Wenger & Co. It’s as clear cut as that – they are not worthy of our support

  10. @Kiran
    Not sure what you are getting at. Are you saying the club as a collective are not trying to the best of their respective abilities. I saw shed loads of grit and determination on the basis of sporting competition on our unbeaten run toward the end of last season for example.

  11. “Sport, unlike life, is not about compromise, it’s about striving to be the best you possibly can be. Can anyone on here genuinely say that’s what Arsenal are doing?”

    – of course, they are trying their best. In your mind who is working their socks off to get to the top between Arsenal & City, PSG or Monaco. If you call buying success trying your best then I’m afraid we live in completely different worlds. If this was a comparison between two sprinters I’d say you are accusing the athlete that trains hard daily without the aid of drugs, or performance enhancers, as the one that’s not trying their best in favor of the athlete taking some enhancers.

    Someone going around with a fat wallet plucking other teams’ best players to build their own team of mercenaries overnight who have very little in common surely can’t be described as the one trying their best, as opposed to someone building something from their own resources. Is Monaco your idea of a team that is striving their best to be the best? Thanks for posting this, sums up how you lot actually view ambition & success as.

  12. Kiran,
    The more I read your post the less it makes sense to me. What exactly is your comparison of the Olympians with Arsenal supposed to achieve? If Arsenal aren’t your idea of a competitive athelete who is then? Monaco? Coming from nowhere trying to buy your way to a gold medal, does that sound like the years & years of hard work these athletes put in in order to realize their dreams? Certainly not so to me, if anything I’d say actually the opposite.

  13. @AL
    Kiran’s post is a load of pretentious nonsense. In other words a load of bollocks.

  14. Koran,
    So go away then. Don’t buy a season ticket, let someone who wants to be there get one.

  15. Mick, Stuart

    No wonder we have all struggled to make any sense of Kiran’s post because it was copied and pasted from le grove this morning. He copied it almost word for word, took one or two athletes’ names out only. He was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog here yesterday trying to get us to see his point. Now turns out they may not even have been his points after all.

    Here is the link to where he plucked his 3:18pm post from;
    http://le-grove.co.uk/2013/07/21/i-love-cesc-hate-manu-and-barca-but-i-wouldnt-want-him-under-a-cloud/comment-page-1/#comments

    Apologies to Tony et al for posting anything associated with that disgraceful site on here, inadvertently polluting UA, but we need to expose these awful people who come on here to subject us to their never-ending, energy-sapping & incoherent rants, stolen from other sites.

  16. @AL
    So it wasn’t Kiran’s load of bollocks it was someone elses load of bollocks. Just goes to prove most of the Kiran’s of this world can’t think for themselves. Hat’s of to you AL for trawling through that Le grove bullshit, you deserve a medal.

  17. @ Al, doesn’t that qualify him for an automatic ban?

    Also, don’t you feel just a little dirty after going to that rat pit?

  18. @Mick
    Its shocking how these people keep doing it over and over and over, thinking they’ll get away with it. The thing I find annoying the most is that their perceived anger at the way our club is run is not even their own thinking, yet when we accuse them of spouting the negative tosh they read or hear in the media they deny that. If they wanted to defend something they so strongly believed in surely constructing a few lines shouldn’t be that difficult?

    @Robl
    Yeah, this should qualify him for a ban if the site moderators get wind of it;) And yes, I do feel contaminated after being on that vermin infested pit lol.

  19. Ah well Kiran just declared he is no longer an Arsenal supporter so I guess he will leave it like that. Why else would he bother if he declares they don’t deserve his support anymore.

  20. Walter; with the despicable Kiran having been well caught out by AL, I do hope a red card is due for this particular member of the AAA vermin community.

  21. Al, Mick
    The joke is, they call people with our own opinions ‘sheep’ (and other things) without realising what they do on a daily basis. Not so long ago, the media campaign was about Usmanov putting money into the club so this was the opinion of the month for the easily led section of the Arsenal (so called) fan base. Isn’t it strange that since the newspapers have ceased this particular wind-up reporting about why the club doesn’t let Usmanov take over and bank roll the club, the moaners stopped mentioning it also.

  22. It’s not just Usmanov though AL, there are many things, more than I can think of no doubt.

  23. Listen lads and ladies….posts like Kiran’s are potshots directed at UA’s membership, the equivalent of poking a stick into a hornet’s nest just to agitate the hive. Why do they do this?….it is simple, they are cowards and fearful of actually engaging in rational and respectful debate. LeGrovel advocates slither onto this and other strongly pro-Arsenal sites in order to take their Arsenal bating to new AAA depths and the anonymity that the net affords allows them to do this with considerable security. I am sure they make bets on our reactions as well.
    They know they cannot argue logically or support their viewpoints with hard facts so they try and tweak the tiger’s tail and hope this will give them the adrenalin rush they seek so desperately. When they get burnt, they run, tail firmly planted between their gonad-less legs to moan about how mindless and brainwashed we all are!
    At least forengaxx had the bottle to debate with us, even if his contentions are exaggerated and his comprehension of what the article intended a bit skewed.

  24. I think we will see a signing or two this week, before the Emirates cup, so I’m not worried. anyway, for me I want on top of the people who have left to include Bendtner, Chamack, Frimpong and Park. Then we buy three players and promote Yennalis, Miquel,Akpom, Gnabry, Eisfeld and playmaker Chucks Aneke. The players who come through the system will give yiu heart, in any case all are ready to play the smaller mid-table teams.

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