In a dramatic move the Lord Wenger has announced that in addition to the usual round of two and three year olds that he normally selects for the Diddly-Widdly Cup, for tonight’s game against Sheffield Untidy he will be selecting a foetus to play in the defensive mid-field holding role.
The foetus’ mother, who remains unnamed for legal reasons, said, “I am of course deeply proud that my son will play for the Arsenal Nursery Team against Sheffield Untidy. My son is not yet named, but I am sure that once I have seen him play I’ll call him Fla-mini.”
While the move by the Lord Wenger is extremely unusual, the foetus will not be the youngest player ever to play for Arsenal Children. Cesc Fabregas, as will be remembered by all Gooners, played for Arsenal before he was conceived.
“That was an unusual situation,” said a spokesman for the Arsenal Under 1’s team. “Mrs Fabregas told us that she was going to conceive, we got the date from her husband, and that was good enough for the Lord Wenger. But such circumstances are rare.”
It is understood that special arrangements have to be made for such a young team. Rattles, last seen in the 1960s, are to be handed out to the crowd nearest the pitch, but the club has asked that the chant of “coochie coochie coo” should not be used, as it might distract the team.
However there are concerns. The Principal of Sunny Sox Nursery School where several of the team normally spend their days expressed a worry that the game would take place “long after these boys are normally tucked up in bed asleep. I am writing to the Lord Wenger to ask him if all future games can be fitted in with the Nursery School’s playtime.”
Jack Wilshere is a genius.
- Arsenal v Wolverhampton Wanderers: where will each team finish?
- Arsenal v Lens: what we found, what we felt, what they did
- Arsenal v Lens: the team, the home/away form and the strange coincidences
- Arsenal v Lens: they had a poor start but are now flying
- Where there is power, money and greed there is corruption