The Pastafarian Bishop of Tottenham (The Rt Reverend Hardly Anyone) has condemned the tactics of Arsene Wenger (manager of Arsenal) ahead of tonight’s game with Sheffield United.
As Untold Arsenal exclusively revealed earlier today, Wenger has taken the unusual step of playing an unborn foetus in the troublesome defensive midfield role.
“This practice is specifically outlawed in Leviticus Chapter 3, next to the bit where it talks about not wearing cotton and polyester in church,” said the Bishop. “While none of us could complain about the yet-to-be-born playing in a wide attacking position, this approach is complete out of bounds.”
Untold Arsenal also reminded readers in the earlier post that Cesc Fabregas had originally played for the club before he was conceived – a comment that also caused the Bishop to be more angry than normal.
“We would have none of that in Tottenham,” said His Grace. “As can be seen from the displays this season – especially in the 0-0 draw with Wigan, while some of our players are not actually alive, all of them were at some time born.”
Research by Untold Arsenal has shown that much of the Tottenham team does currently consist of Zombies. We put it to the Bishop that while it is thus technically true that all the squad had been born, the use of the Undead, especially in defence, was not morally acceptable.
“In using Zombies, Tottenham Hotspur is staying true to the principles that have guided us through the last 100 years. We recognise minority cultures, and invite them into our ground. In fact, the Undead are usually admitted at half price.”
The Lord Wenger was not available for comment.
More on Pastafarians and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can be found here.
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