It is the time of year when Tottenham change their manager. It matters not whether the current manager is a decent guy having a hard time at an insane club, or a jumped up twirp who really has limited ability and no power as the big men on the board do their crazy thing.
One year they can’t stop buying forwards, the next year they can’t stop selling them Either way, about this time, the manager goes.
So the next question is: who is insane enough to take over Tottenham at this moment.
Answer: Mr Crisis-Club, Terry Venebles – and failing that, me.
Mr V makes his money out of clubs in trouble – he goes in, screws it up, and then gets paid off – a good life if you can get it.
To give just a few examples from recent years…
Leeds United gave him £2m to go away after eight months, when he was also earning a £2m a year salary
Crystal Palace gave him £1m after seven months during which time he was on a £750k,000 a year tax-free salary (that’s the equivalent to £1.5 million a year). They also gave him an interest-free loan of half a million, a rather nice house, a Mercedes Benz car and a signing on of a £135,000. (Quite clearly the man had money problems – I mean you don’t go to your employer for a whacking great interest free loan if you have a fortune stashed in the bank).
Portsmouth had him for 17 months and then paid him £500,000 to go away.
With this sort of track record I would suggest it is inevitable that Venebles will go meandering along the Lane in search of another short-term deal – just to help the club get into an even worse position than they are in now.
But we feel sad for our friends from the High Street. So Untold Arsenal has offered to help. In a letter to the Tiny Totts we have stated that whatever Venebles asks for, we’ll do twice the job for half the money. Thus, if he takes them down to the Championship for £2 million, we’ll take them into League 1 for just £1 million.
It is a deal that no self-respecting Tott could ignore, and I am sitting by the phone even as I write awaiting a call. After all, if they can employ Ramos, why not me?
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