Deal done and confirmed; medical to follow. Pictures!

Why do they treat us with such contempt?

By Billy “the Dog” McGraw, senior consultant in social deprivation at the University Hospital of the North Circular Road.

I would like to start by telling you exactly who the deal is done for, but unfortunately this is where things break down a bit.

I mean, I wouldn’t lie to you and I am not trying to be funny or anything but all is not always quite what it seems.

Because the headline I have just seen on the Gooner News site says “Arsenal fans all smiles as£30 million man announces he will be at Emirates!” actually tells us that Jack Wilshere has admitted he is going nowhere and will be playing for Arsenal next season.

Which I am sure is not what all the people who clicked on the story actually thought it would be about, nor what the ! at the end implies.

Now I appreciate at this point you might be saying “but you have just done the same thing” by writing the headline I have, which is true, except that I think all regular readers know what Untold is about, as opposed to the little sites that pop up with a burst of these headlines and then fade away.  And as for those who don’t, well, I am here, rather like a 19th century missionary in Gondwanaland, to rescue your lost soul and show you the way to enlightenment.

GREAT NEWS: Arsenal Finally AGREE DEAL With CLINICAL FINISHER tells us that Theo Walcott is about the sign a new deal.

So what’s the point?  Well the site in question has taken itself up the Google rankings a few notches.  It hasn’t done its own reputation much good, but then, in these days, who cares about reputation when one’s position in the rankings might go up a page?

Now these headlines are not picked at random – for they all appeared this morning in the “most popular stories in the last 24 hours” section of Goonernews.

Let us move on, for hanging around some of these sites is not recommended as you never know what you might catch.  So we have DONE DEAL:£25m Arsenal target set for medical this week which tells us Jackson Martinez is going to sign for Juventus not Arsenal, but you wouldn’t really get that from the headline.  Which, if I may remind you, is on an Arsenal site.

Now I like Goonernews, because it does track a lot of what people are saying, and I am not in any way saying it should not publish these headline stories, because it seems to be what people want.

UNBELIEVABLE: South American Star AGREES SHOCK Arsenal TRANSFER  Tells us Joel Campbell is going to Fenerbache.  Which might be true or it might be unbelievable, because half a dozen other sites have have a dozen other clubs where he is going to.  Not quite sure why it is a shock transfer though.

DEAL! Arsenal Make SHOCK BID For£100,000-a-week Giroud REPLACEMENT says that Arsenal are bidding for Eden Dzeko.  Ah, that would be a shock then would it?  And is it true?  Oh.

PICTURE PROOF: Arsenal SHOW-OFF Arturo Vidal Picture, DEAL DONE reveals that there is a rumour quoted in the Sun which Vidal of Juventus is coming to Arsenal.  Quite how the picture of him is any proof of anything is beyond me but maybe I was looking at the wrong bit of the picture.

So what’s it all about?  Well, let me explain.  It is, in its own sort of way, fraud.  And it reveals a rather horrible attitude by the site owner towards us fans.  And there is a disturbing medical condition lurking beneath it all too (which is, after all, my department).

Web sites try and earn money by having adverts which people can click on.  When you click, the web site earns a smattering of money.  Not much, but if the site has a big enough audience, it can pay for the server, the IT support, and (at least on Untold Arsenal) the desperate rescue work that goes on when some nutter starts to put the site under attack.

Now what some of the sites running the above stories have done is set themselves up so that their advert pops up over the top of the article.  In the top right is a box that suggests that if you click on the box the ad will vanish and you will go straight to the story.

But ooops, no, you click on the x top right of the ad and what happens?  You go to the ad that you have tried to stop seeing!

Of course it is just a technical glitch and no one is committing any fraud, absolutely not, no way, but it does mean sometimes one never gets to the story at all!  Or not until the third time.

Meanwhile it continues

SHOCKING: The Blues Set To SIGN £90,000-a-week Arsenal Star NEXT WEEK!  tells us that Everton are going to sign Podolski.   Is that shocking?  Why is NEXT WEEK in capitals?  We should be told!?!?!?*

Wenger opens up and admits delight at Arsenal’s brilliant signing! on the other hand says that Arsene Wenger has backed Gabriel Paulista to succeed at Arsenal.

“The Brazilian arrived at the club this season and has looked good during the few glimpses that the Gunners have been given off him,” is the amazing piece of news.

OFFICIAL: SHOCK £25M Deal DONE & CONFIRMED For Arsenal PRIME Target, reveals that Arsenal have been dealt a final transfer “blow” with news that key summer target has completed a move to the Serie A.

According to fresh reports emerging from Portugal, Arsenal have been beaten in the race to sign Porto hitman Jackson Martinez.

This report is according to popular Portuguese media outlet Porto Canal,who claim Milan have beaten Arsenal and Liverpool to the signing of the Colombian hitman.

Now if there is a Colombian hitman in the offing I would actually prefer him to go to Liverpool (where I suspect he will feel very much at home) rather than in peaceful N5.  They do a good line in cocaine in Liverpool 8 I’m advised.

There really is a deep contempt being expressed here for Arsenal supporters.  I don’t mean by Goonernews, which as I say I like, and often use – not least because it is easy to flip through the gibberish and find the real stories.

And it is the same type of contempt that is being expressed by the some writers on the national dailies – as per the report on Jonathan Liew yesterday.

But the deeper question is why?  The amount of money earned is tiny, the rise in the Google rankings is temporary, and it all seems rather silly.

But if you read the article yesterday about the wholesale poison pen campaign that was waged against Jimmy Logie you will have become aware of just how far people (normally known as “trolls” and “journalists” today) will sink.

There is indeed a technical medical explanation for why people can get into such a state that they are reduced to the childish pranks of the misleading headlines, poison pen letters abetted by those people whose whole lives are just endlessly negative, complaining and based around the ludicrous notion that they can see how to run a football club but Arsene Wenger can’t.  Indeed the argument of that branch of journalist, blogger and professional moaner is that if only they were the manager everything would be fine.  If only Jonathan Liew was running Arsenal, we’d have cleared out the dross long ago and be endlessly top of the league.

As I say, there is a technical medical explanation for such behaviour.  It is called being a prat.

I just thought you would like to know.


Today’s anniversary: 

16 June 1934: Margate became Arsenal’s feeder club.  With the school leaving age of 14 but clubs prohibited from signing players until 17 the nursery idea allowed Arsenal to train youngsters as amateurs and monitor their development.

The books

Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football – Arsenal’s early years

Making the Arsenal – how the modern Arsenal was born in 1910

The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal



27 Replies to “Deal done and confirmed; medical to follow. Pictures!”

  1. Doc,
    You raise an important issue here which, over the years, has caused dangerous high pressure to those Untold readers who log on to momentous news only to find yet another con trick.
    I long for the day when a site owner is lying helpless and prostrate (or better still prostate) before you on the UCH operating table.
    You can then say to him “I wonder what sort of eye-catching headline will be written regarding what I am now about to do to you”. 😉

  2. I fell for today’s headline expecting to see we actually had made a real signing.
    No matter, I get it, bloggers are in for the money (and kudos), but however hard I try my Adblock rarely shuts out the annoying junk that takes over the page.

  3. Welcome to the silly month, when peoples talking silly rumors and prefer themselves to listen to silly bullshit no matter how irrational it sounds. People need to listen to lies, and the online media feed them off. Win win solution eh admin?

  4. @ nicky -June 16, 2015 at 9:07 am – Many a big ,brave man has come undone when he hears the following – firstly , a sharp and loud snap of the rubber gloves ; then ….
    ” That’s odd….!”
    ” Opppsss !”
    ” What’s that doing there ?!”
    ” We may have to widen/deepen/enlarge that !”
    ” Good God , Nurse ! What are you doing with that basin of boiling water ? I told you prick his boil ..not….. !”
    ” Oh , I see , so you are that hospital administrator /accountant /financial consultant …….”

  5. you nailed it mate!
    but be careful with those headlines, untold seems to be overloaded by innocent clickbaited gooners

  6. You know the possibility is there that they really believe the stuff they write. After all we all are heavily influenced by “what we think we know and what we accept to be true/possible/probable” and this will be reflected in whatever we write or say or any opinion we have. But i’m so glad that adblocks are around, because i would block many pages immediately and never go there again, maybe i should do that anyway. I hate ads, anywhere. I once saw a test where they were developing a project to stream ads on lamp posts(there was a sort of mini holo-projector on the lamp post) tailored to you as you walk by. They use your mobile to identify you.

    I really doubt that any missionaries ever brought enlightenment anywhere more likely confusion. 🙂

    TailGunner: Adblock plus and chrome seems to work. Although i get the impression sometimes that every chrome update tries to break add-ons. 🙂

  7. Para
    I find Adblock on Chrome Ok when I use my desktop computer, but most of the time these days I use an iPad with Safari and the Adblock seems to randomly switch in & out
    Thanks though

  8. Actually, i don’t see you as any different from them. You have the same headline as them which got me on this page.

    As i suppose, you would trash this comment, as i have somehow made you realise that you are as cunning as them.

    I don’t really get mad when i see these headlines. Why? because its not just the little blogs that publish such headlines. Even the big websites feeds us with misleading headlines most of the time.

    Again, this is their period (transfer window) and to be honest, there are readers yearning for this topics. If it trends, it most times get to the players and the club and it tells them what the fans want to happen.

    So next time you see such misleading headlines, just laugh or curse and then do what others do, move on with what you know is and is not.

  9. Williams
    Actually, i don’t see you as any different from them. You have the same headline as them which got me on this page.

    That is what it says in the article.

  10. Williams
    If it’s any consolation it caught me out too, but after reading I knew it was a send up, and quite a good one.

  11. Of all the transfer rumours, I think I will believe the one with Dzeko. A perfect Arsenal player and under-appreciated at MC. AW might pull this one off along with Patrick Vieira for the admin job.

  12. When the blog-sphere, like the media, is continually treating us with contempt why on earth respond to them. Ignore the whole damn lot until they learn to report truthfully!

  13. I think you mean ” as opposed to the little sHites that pop up with a burst of these headlines” 😉

  14. @nicky -June 16, 2015 at 10:10 am –
    As the old saying goes , ‘Medicine is the best laughter !’ If you think that doctors get their own back , think again !
    True story – When I was student , the local engineering college students( MIT Manipal- Hi guys !) used to give the nurses ( and the medical students !)a hard time when ever our paths crossed , which was quite often .
    The nurses were oh ! All so sweet and pleasant when these culprits ended up in the hospital casualty , usually on Saturday nights after a ‘little’ too much of drink and the resulting falls from motorbikes .
    The nurses would pretend that they did not recognise these creeps and go on very professionally and very ‘sweetly’ to clean their wounds with – spirit !
    Oh , that look on their faces when the pain hits them ,and the phony bravado and all that machismo they try to exhibit didn’t fool anyone!.
    Ahh ! Sometimes Karma or revenge or whatever you call it , is so SWEET !

  15. @Brickfields G,
    I’ve just declared a personal moratorium on reading your comments.
    A few days ago, had a repair job on an umbilical hernia and the risk is too great!! 😉

  16. He who laughs, lasts.
    – Victor Borge

    Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either.
    – Unknown

    Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained.
    – Lord Chesterfield

    Seven days without laughter makes one weak
    – Joel Goodman

    A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market
    – George M. Cohan

    Always leave them laughing when you say goodbye
    – Lessing.

    Goodnight , guys .

  17. @ nicky -June 16, 2015 at 5:36 pm – I remember you saying that an ancestor of yours had uttered those famous saying , ” Only when I laugh !”
    Deja vu , methinks ?
    Thank god it wasn’t piles , then !

  18. I think that this would apply to you , nicky .

    One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
    – Francoise Sagan

  19. @Brickfields G,
    It’s no good you commenting. I’m not reading your reminders about my Uncle Eli in the Boer War. 😉

  20. When I first saw the headline, I couldn’t get into the article for some reason, so I went on to check. No new signing, nothing. I finally got round to reading your article now. Very funny! But you made your point.

  21. It is a continuing point of debate whether we should ignore what we dislike or laugh at it.

    I go for the latter approach, but I do realise there are two opinions.

  22. Much like a modern day atheist believing in the enslavement of humanity by robots in matter of decades.,
    theory of Bollocks without any precedence nor modicum of rationality…. These anti-arsenal cult of newspaper men hallucinate and drift groggily to scribble their jejunes

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