Bid accepted: powerful DM set to join Arsenal and other spoofs

By Sir Hardly Anyone, (who is now getting just a teensy weensy bit annoyed).

You might think that having got all the transfers so incredibly wrong thus far this summer the spoof sites might show a little humility and back off.  But no – they haven’t.

I mean when Untold introduced the concept of vapour transfers that was taken up quite quickly, and has proven to be a useful model for sorting out the whatsit from the whatnot.

So it must be time to step up our campaign a little by naming not just the spoof sites but also the two firms that pay to keep them in business.

These sites, you’ll recall, all have an identical look and feel.  You click on them and up pops an advert over the top of the article.  On the right side it says “close and go to site” which suggests you should click and read the story.  But no, it takes you to the advert.

Those adverts are predominantly for the bookmakers Coral, although Skybet turn up occasionally.  Shame on both their houses for using such underhand approach.

So what have we got today?

Gunnerscity – supported by Coral

SURPRISE! Top Journalist Confirms Bayern Striker Is Set To Join Arsenal

Top Spanish journalist, Kike Marin has revealed Wenger’s
secret agenda, according to El Confidencial. Marin claimed Wenger is looking towards signing Bayern Munich star Roberto Lewandowski should Benzema’s deal fall through with Real Madrid reluctant to part with the French striker.

“Set to join” is the headline, but a trifle misleading perhaps.

Byfarthegreatesteam – supported by Coral


According to reports, out-of-favour France and Arsenal Defensive Midfielder, Matthieu Flamini is now closer to the exit door at the Emirates after Arsenal reportedly accepted a bid from Turkish giants Galatasaray. Having slid down the pecking order due to injury, loss of form and the resurgence of fellow Frenchman, Francis Coquelin, the 31 year-old is rumoured to be seeking a move away, and may truly have found his potential destination in Turkish league side Galatasaray….
Note the way such sites continue to try and present an air of knowing authority with the “it is believed” phrase and other such stuff…  My mate Jon’s uncle Bob believes that poltergeist are really dead cats sent by annoying neighbours to torment him in the night.  It is believed Bob is slightly off his rocker.

This development leaves Gunner’s coach Arsenal Wenger with only one option for the Defensive midfield slot in his team. Thus, it is believed that the French manager would seek to replace the 31 year-old with a new signing.

Oh dear.  No Arteta then.  None of this recruitment of players to move them from one position to another.  Chambers has been mentioned by Wenger…

Goonersden supported by Coral, again.

GREAT NEWS: Wenger CONFIRM Sensational Striker Will Play For Arsenal.

This one is so outrageous, I think the whole section should be quoted…

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is planning a major title push next season and the boss is aware of the need to bring in only the best in the summer to achieve his target.

Wenger himself confirmed he would sign only “top players” in the summer, and this has seen the club linked to an avalanche of star players in recent weeks.

Fresh from a hat-trick on Arsenal’s pre-season tour here is a video of Arsenal & England U20 striker Chuba Akpom’s skill session.

Hastily closing the page down

Ohtobeagooner – supported by… oh you guessed ….Corel

(Not Benzema) Arsenal FINALLY In Talks To Sign Quality Striker. Fan Will Be HAPPY

No easy games – supported by Corel

£30 million man confirms Arsenal deal to be announced very soon!

Theo Walcott has confirmed he wants to stay at ‘special’ Arsenal and sign a new contract.

 Not quite what we expected… but still…

‘I’m sure it won’t be long. This squad, for me, is one of the best I’ve been involved in. I want to be part of that.’

By far the greatest team

Welcome To London – Arsenal Set To Sign WORLD CLASS Striker In €57M Deal – Not Benzema

After Arsene Wenger supposedly ruled out the prospect of Arsenal making a move for Napoli’s Argentine forward Gonzalo Higuain, the Express have reported that Arsenal are transferring their attentions to Karim Benzema.
You might like to consider the word “supposedly” and wonder what that is supposed to mean.  Are they saying that it is all a lie?   A spoof web site calling Wenger a fibber?

Higuain has long been a target for Arsene Wenger as he came close to signing him when he left Real Madrid in 2013

I think we can leave matters at that point.  The story of what really happened in 2013 is to be found on Untold.

Footballcolumnist – supported by Sky Bet

Arsenal To ANNOUNCE Four Years Deal Is Done, Player To Earn £100,000-A-Week

Back-to-back FA Cup winners, Arsenal have opened contract talks with English forward Theo Walcott…

That actually is posted as a current bit of news – and one wonders given that they tell us that Arsenal are the Cup holders, what audience they are writing for.  My sources suggest one in Tierra del Fuego.


CONFIRMED: Wenger Says Sensational Striker Will Play For Arsenal This Season

Akpom, who has been at Arsenal since the age of six, displays all the flair and brashness that has come to be associated with attacking players of Wenger’s reign.



GREAT NEWS: Arsenal Cleared To Sign Their Secret Weapon In Coming Days

Another Goonersden special which tells us

According to report making the rounds, popular Spanish journalist Kike Marin said Arsenal are looking at a ‘secret’ back-up option which he thinks its Bayern Munich’s Lewandowski.

So there we have it, these guys are not letting up.  But the fact that they are all supported by two betting companies and all have exactly the same format recycling the same stories, might it be that they are in fact actually paid for and owned and written by the betting companies?
I wonder….
Anniversaries of the day (with, as always, all today’s anniversaries on the home page at
  • 24 July 1910: Woolwich Arsenal FC formally taken over by Henry Norris and William Hall.  They promised to use their money to keep Arsenal in Plumstead for one year, but eventually paid for the club to stay at the Manor Ground for three seasons.

The Untold Banner at the Emirates

39 Replies to “Bid accepted: powerful DM set to join Arsenal and other spoofs”

  1. oh Lord Harris!!….

    What was that about??.. To all people hoping to see a striker come in. Congrats. Lord Harris has just said good bye to all such hopes and plans. hahahahah.

    *with a big bag of salt.

    ARSENAL has money in the bank everyone knows. Its for everyone in to see in the balance sheet. How much can be spent on player purchase is another matter.

    The article that showed up looks like a shit stirrer. I think the sequence in which it was told must’ve been changed with omission of ‘if’s and ‘but’s.

  2. now the hysteria begins…
    another vapour transfer story deliberately fed to the journalists?

  3. Arse 13.
    Yep that Lord Harris interview is goin to create panic in the Arsenal related skcial media. Why arent we buying a time machine and buying Cruyff and Romario?

    Those sites are incredibly tedious and not even worth mentioning TBH.

    as is the concept of Calum C being considered a DM. How about Vermealen instead??

  4. It’s no secret that Arsenal have a secret, but we can tell you what that secret is, so click to secretly uncover the secret.

    CONFIRMED: We don’t know what we’re talking about, but we got you to click and get us some money haha..Oh look, there’s a new DM in town. Literally! He’s at the airport. Look! You know you want to.


    Oh no. That said DM has signed for Juventus and Arsenal and Arsene Wenger have missed out. AGAIN. Like they did on Higuain, and above all, Sebastian Frey! They still need a DM and GK and striker, and winger, and manager, and chairman. Or maybe they just need to up their ‘PR’ budget *nudge nudge* After all, they do have 200m in the bank. Think of all the goodies they could buy us…umm…you.. with all that money that belongs to them, but should belong to us.. YOU the fans.

  5. “We get a list of the players that Wenger wants. On the list is a centre forward, but I’m not going to tell you who he is.
    “You’ve got to get the other team to want to sell him, but I think he wants to come. It basically comes down to whether the other team can find a superstar to replace him, because they don’t have to sell.” Lord Harris!!

    Obviously quotes such as this one, ONLY fuel the media frenzy!

  6. I will say this though; where there is [SO MUCH] smoke – usually you get at least a flame, and several times a FIRE! 🙂

  7. But really, I think the term ‘Smoke and Mirrors’ is more appropriate than ‘where there’s smoke there’s fire’ when it comes to Arsenal transfers 🙂

  8. Shard, I don’t think Arsenal is any different from Chelsea, Man C or Man U. It is just that we tend to pay more attention to the stories – but one could do exactly the same story with those clubs.

    The only club that is different is Liverpool who actually do buy hundreds of players, and then sell them again, and then do it again and again and again and ….

    As for Tottenham I perceive a certain resignation….


    It is being reported worldwide that the Arsenal board have told , nay , ordered their manager to splash the cash ,now that FFP truly has had the final nail put in its coffin ( with Platini entombed inside !) .
    And with FIFA in its final death throes and with Herr Sepp Blatter and his co-conspirators about to be extradited by the FBI to its recently emptied Guantanamo Bay ‘ special facilities ‘ centre , there is nothing stopping Arsenal from world dominance .

    The 200 Million Pounds transfer kitty being brandied about is apparently only the tip of the money pile . The board is believed to have received assurances from the two main shareholders that they WILL be opening their purse strings .

    Warren Buffet has already alerted his team to purchase any and every Arsenal shares that are not in Stan Kroenke and Alisher Usmanov’s hands . Buffet’s holdings has had a recent injection of cash , after being paid his consultant and advisory fees by Greece , following their successful bailout by the EU.

    The name ,Sergio Busquets Burgos is being touted as being the pivotal to complete AW’s awesome midfield, as he apparently ticks all the boxes . While often playing as the Monster DM in Barca’s and the Spanish teams, he can also be a B2B midfielder , as well as a ‘false’ number 9 , or a number 10 , and also as a false defender .In short the complete modern midfielder , the type AW is looking for.

    The catch ? None really , as his buyout clause is only 20 Million and he is quite keen to leave the rain in the Spainish plains for the London weather , as well as their lifestyle . Look out for the announcement and further updates in Sir Hardly Anyone ‘s pages of UA.

  10. Who needs a PR/Communications Dept. when you have Lord Harris do it for free.

  11. @Shard
    July 24, 2015 at 9:44 am

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  12. BREAKING NEWS: mermaid caught in fishermans net agrees deal with Arsenal (Metro).Yeti dm seen in Tibet is on Wengers “want” list(The Sun).Lord Lucan in talks with Arsenal( Daily Mail)and Wenger phones Atlantis in talks with Comte Saint Germain agent The Man in Moon(UFO weekly),Brendan Rodgers ready to sign Dodo(Liverpool Echo),Man U edge Man City out of race for Humpty Dumpty( Chester Gazette),Tottenham sign Hens Teeth from Märchen Land XI(Seven Sisters Chronicle)

  13. Tony

    I would have left out the word ‘Arsenal’ but it was exactly the likes of Liverpool, Spurs, and above them the likes of Barcelona (who hold elections on the basis of who they’ll sign) and Real Madrid, that made me specify Arsenal.

    Specifically about Liverpool. I’m sure there’s a story there with their owners and transfer policy, but I don’t quite know what it could be right now.

  14. ARSENAL 13, Samrat Jha

    If Arsenal did allow the Lord Harris to say that, then we’re probably not in for Benzema but someone else who will cost much more. 🙂

    I do agree it is silly to tell everyone how much money you’ve got, everyone knows this, especially AW, so if Arsenal allows this then they have something else up their sleeves.

  15. Para
    That’s doubtful.
    It certainly does not look like a false trail/smoke & mirrors/vapour trail or whatever you might call it.
    I think this was an own goal and these sort out things should be left to the club’s pros.

  16. para
    could it be that we are not at all interested in a striker.
    possible but highly unlikely though

  17. Well, Para, Whole world knows how much money ARSENAL has in the ‘bank’. Thanks to balance sheets. Its not like hez shown his cards to the rival.

    But to tell the world that our priority this summer is a striker, and he is interested to join us provided his parent club lets go is a bit too far. That too from ARSENAL.

    I think this is humor the ARSENAL way. hhahahahaha….

    BUT then I thought Cech was a vapour too.

  18. This “spend the effin money” is no longer relevant and should have run its course by now. Pretty stupid to re hash. The board I doubt are pressuring Wenger to buy and spend anything up to 200 million. I suspect the directors comments were taken out of context to suit a story. One thing that is certain Wenger wants to win things and has put together a tremendous squad.

  19. I have been finding Arsenal news via Google News. And I don’t believe I have ever seen Google News suggest one of the above websites as a source for a story.

    And yes, I too would like to know who spiked Lord Harris’ prune juice, to come up with that unneeded story yesterday.

  20. Lord Harris seems to be assuming the “foot in mouth” role from Peter Hill-Wood. PDHW was well known for being over-loquaicious after a long lunch – with the Daily Star, for some reason, being the favoured mouthpiece.

    I suspect AW may be somewhat displeased. It also doesn’t help the morale of the existing strikers.

    Final point of information, which I Have made before, is that we WERE very close to signing Higuain a couple of years ago. Was very reliably informed of that. I know it doesn’t fit the vapour narrative but I completely trust my source on that one.

    Having said that, every time I’ve seen Higuain play subsequently he has been awful.

    Happy with Olivier, Theo, Danny and Chuba.

  21. TailGunner, Samrat Jha

    But then the news surfaces about Lewandowski. 🙂
    I for one would forget Benzema and try to prise Lewandowski from Bayern if he is interested. 🙂

    Oh, isn’t this fun?
    Something to do until football tomorrow eh?

  22. Samrat Jha

    Possible indeed, after all Giroud has a new contract and will probably be on fire this season. 🙂

  23. I just stopped by the truth site, and my interpretation is that most of the news is BS. Nothing about Szczesny and perhaps a smile and a joke about Karim (and not Kareem, as I had proposed). Martinez might go out on loan yet. But what is more important, game time or training time with an even better core of goaltenders? And they could go out and get “The Goal Machine”, and then spend as long as they wanted practicing shot stopping against a robotic shooter.

    Which to me, makes sense. Obviously the goaltender can see the ball at all times. But behind the ball, the goalkeeper sees a lifesize display screen (behind a polycarbonate blast shield, don’t need a rebound breaking the display). You could have TV footage of all kinds of players approaching the free kick or penalty situation and the moment the display show ball contact, the robot behind the display makes ball contact for real. Hopefully the parameters used to drive the ball are those that happened when the player in question struck the ball. A goal keeper could spend the session saving shots (or trying to save) from Ronaldinho, Del Piero, Zidane, Roberto Carlos, Zico, Platini or Juninho. It’s possible a person would need soccer balls from the era to make the ball behave as it should for a particular kick.

    To confuse the goalkeeper, you could bring in some “celebrities” to take kicks. One I am thinking of, is the Road Runner. Goal keeper is lazily having a water break and not paying as much attention as he (or she) should, and “Meep, meep!” the Road Runner races in and takes a shot.


    Manchester City’s reserve French right back , who wears the number 3 jersey , has made a wrenching and heartfelt apology to the fans , especially those of his former club , Arsenal.
    He says , ” I feel I have let down those Arsenal fans who stood by me for the eight years I was there , and so I sincerely apologise to them for my faux pas .”
    He adds , “From day one ,they were there right behind me, accepting my choices and never ever criticising nor deriding me .”
    Bac ,as he is known to his fans, says he now feels much more lightheaded ,and even his vision much more clearer.
    Its like a ton has been lifted from his shoulder ,he says. He thanks his City teammate , Yaya Taore for showing him the error of his ways and helping to take this important step in life.
    ” Following Yaya’s example has not only made me feel like a new person , it’ll probably also save me money too. I now feel uncumbered and more confident , and don’t worry nor wonder if people are making fun of me.”
    Asked if he would be making any other changes to his lifestyle , he smiled and said ,” Probably get a beret ! It gets quite chilly up there!”, as he left the Melbourne barber shop .

  25. para
    I am still baffled. I mean WHY would Lord Harris or for that matter any member of the Arsenal hierarchy say so? If anything it’s gonna drive the price up.
    Would like to think it is for others to buy meaningless players at inflated price. But AW always has a card up his sleeve so I am prepared to see where this bizarre interview takes us.

  26. I hope most of you understand this better than me. Russia is full of racists, and it seems very likely to me that they bribed their way to a world cup. The septic one has been getting roasted for quite a while now, and there have been 3 major sponsors that I know of, who have publically said that the rewrite of FIFA has to be done by an independent body. But no, that damn bladder is still “putting in the fix” internally. And Russia has been among the more vocal groups supporting Sir Septic.

    Frimpong gets abused, and the ref dismisses him. Apparently the ref couldn’t hear any fans in the stadium that day. The Russian FA says there is no evidence of racism, even though youtube has video where you can clearly hear it. FIFA wants action on this racism issue, and has given Russia until next Tuesday.

    And now this morning, Russia comes out and says that the bladder is a victim.

    Does this mean this particular racism issue gets swept under the carpet, just like the sexism by British Army soldiers at the last Cyprus Cup has been ignored by both the FA and the British Army? Or even that Frimpong gets ejected from Russia?

  27. I tend to agree with TailGunner that this is basically just an own goal by someone who just couldn’t help himself from mouthing off about how much money he has.

    This is why we should be so grateful we have ‘silent’ Stan.

    Foot in mouth disease seems highly contagious at board level, especially it seems where Arsenal are concerned.

  28. Lord Harris knows wenger is too sting, so thts y he chose to publicly review the hefty funds arsenal has, in such way he will be trying to leave wenger without any chance bt buy big or else face a fierce criticism frm gunners supporters. Thats y now wenger has just tried to deny tht speculations tht he can buy any player .

  29. As I see it

    While the world is focusing on the centre forward , Arsene is looking for cheaps in his list . Thats a good decoy from the board.

  30. Sad, just sad.

    Metro and Bleacher Report both think it is just a big joke that Abou Diaby might be able to play for West Brom. I hope ALL employees from both organizations have to spend decades fighting never-ending medical problems.

  31. Sad, just sad.

    Metro and Bleacher Report both think it is just a big joke that Abou Diaby might be able to play for West Brom. I hope ALL employees from both organizations have to spend decades fighting never-ending medical problems.

    Josh Vickers is trying out for Swansea. I hadn’t heard he has played for them. Apparently he came on at half time (or in second half) to help Swansea get the win against 1860 Munich.

    Congratulations, and good luck Josh.

  32. Ashgooner, I think your comment would carry a little more weight if you provided some evidence – which included within it the purchase of Alexis, Ozil, Henry, Oxlade Chamberlain….

  33. A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
    “What??” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

    “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

    “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

    “Oh, you’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

    ( She should have married a football agent – they are famed for screwing everyone over !)

  34. Arsenal beat Lyon 6-0 with six different scorers, no one man striker will able to make any difference.

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