The ten headlines that confirm the big signing is about to happen

By Sir Hardly Anyone

I think to explain this situation in full, and before I give you the list of ten signings, I should do a bit of background in relation to my journalistic journey this morning.

What set me off on the trail of this event was one particular headline…

Wenger Confirms EXCEPTIONAL Signing Is ON THE WAY With 48 Hours To Go which was published on Ohtobeagooner yesterday.

The story was a little hard to follow because it had so many adverts in between each sentence that it was easy to lose the thread.  (This is part of a new tactic for screwing money out of advertisers, for on some sites, if you hover over the advert for a second trying to read the text, you go to the advert, and so the advertiser pays a fee.  That is not how it works here, I hasten to add).

But despite this provocation, my job on Untold is to follow threads and so I persevered and put together this.  Remember what you read below is probably the first ever run through of this story as a singularity.


Wenger Confirms EXCEPTIONAL Signing Is ON THE WAY With 48 Hours To Go 

Arsene Wenger and his men managed a 1-0 win over Steve McClaren’s side, after a deflected Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain shot put the Gunners ahead in the second half.

The victory against the Magpies has been judge by many Arsenal supporters as hugely unconvincing one, after the Gunners failed to create and convert clear-cut chances to put them in-front, and had to make do with an unintended help from Fabricio Coloccini for the only goal on the day.

Speaking to the press at the St James’ Park after the game, Wenger admitted his side’s poor showing in front of goal, before announcing that he could add an exceptional player to his attacking options before the end of the transfer window.

“We have not fired offensively, our finishing has not been clinical and we have to improve on that. We are open and we are in the transfer market. If we find an exceptional player in any sector, we will do it.”

Arsenal have been linked to a handful of star strikers in recent months including Karim Benzema, Edinson Cavani, Gonzalo Higuain and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.

It is left to be seen who the boss has been secretly plotting a move for, as we enter the last 48 hours of the summer transfer window.


Now you may think that I must have been a bit doddery in my old age, picking the headline from one place and then a story from another, but I assure you I have checked several times.  That is the story that appears under the headline, Wenger Confirms EXCEPTIONAL Signing Is ON THE WAY With 48 Hours To Go.

Strange isn’t it?  No connection at all between headline and article.

Anyway, here are the other headlines that tell us that Arsenal are going to sign someone in a moment.  And let me say that before I started this little summer series on what web sites say about Arsenal, I think I might have been taken in by any of them.  But looking at the “Wenger confirms” story above it is clear that these are not exaggerations, they are headlines without any connection to the real world, or even the story that follows.

Welcome To Emirates– Arsenal On The VERGE Of ANNOUNCING £45m Signing – Wenger Breaks Transfer Record

It is being reported that popular French reporter Pierre Menes has claimed on Canal+ TV that a meeting between Arsenal and Benzema’s agent over the transfer of the French Striker has taken place

Almost Done Deal, Not Cavani&Benzema, Excited 2nd Signing Fans Will Be Delighted

Arsenal’s desperate search for a striker has led them to Russia, this time they are reportedly close to sealing a deal for Dinamo Moscow’s Russian striker Alexander Kokorin.

HUGE: Arsenal FINALLY Set To SIGN Deadly Striker With 112 Goals In 170 Apps!!

(This one is about Cavani)   The London outfit have been linked with a wide array of strikers all summer, ranging from Fernando Llorente to Karim Benzema, but Arsene Wenger has always been quick to rubbish the rumours.

However, reports stating that he may launch a bid for Paris Saint-Germain marksman on the deadline day seem to hold water to it as it does not emanate from some Emanuele Giulianelli.

[I have no idea what that last bit means, but that is what it says on the site]

ALMOST DONE! Arsenal close to complete£43.5m deal with Uruguayan forward

According to the latest reports from Britain, Premer [the spelling errors are theirs not mine] League giants Arsenal are ready to finally complete deal with Global star Edinson Cavani who is thought to be Arsene Wengers top target after Karim Benzema refused to join them.

Wenger Confirms EXCEPTIONAL Signing Is ON THE WAY With 48 Hours To Go

According to the latest reports from Britain, Premer League giants Arsenal are ready to finally complete deal with Global star Edinson Cavani who is thought to be Arsene Wengers top target after Karim Benzema refused to join them.

(No I am not going bonkers, different headline different site same story)

CONFIRMED! Arsenal officially announce summer deal is signed and sealed

Arsenal have renewed a deal with One World Sports that will see the American sports broadcaster remain as the exclusive licensee of Arsenal TV in the region, the club have revealed.

Now that one is cheeky, even by the bottom-of-the-drain standards of these blogettas.

Arsenal Striker Target’s Agent Arrives London, Deal Very Close To Completion

According to Globoesporte, the agent of Brazilian forward Alexandre Pato is currently in London to possibly complete a move for his client with the Lily Whites, Via Goal.

Another naughty one.

DONE DEAL! Arsenal have signed one of the best talented striker!

According to the latest reports from Britain, Premer League giants Arsenal are ready to finally complete deal with Global star Edinson Cavani who is thought to be Arsene Wengers top target after Karim Benzema refused to join them.

[That’s another one – different headline different site, same story same typo.  They are getting lazy!]

Arsenal Striker Target’s Agent Arrives London, Deal Very Close To Completion

According to Globoesporte, the agent of Brazilian forward Alexandre Pato is currently in London to possibly complete a move for his client with the Lily Whites, Via Goal.

[And again]

It is interesting that over the time I’ve been covering these tiny sites with their tricks of getting you to read the adverts, their techniques have changed and developed as they have become ever more frantic.

But let’s end with something real

“The only thing I want is that when people have opinions, that it is documented and worked out before. Especially when it is football specialists. I accept you can be right and I can be wrong. But what you do not want is just an opinion that comes out, just because you feel like that.”

Arsene Wenger.

Which is interesting when you look at this entry from the Anniversary Files

Untold Anniversaries.

31 August 2003:  The Times reported the league match against Man City as containing “the worst 45 minutes [by Arsenal] that any of their fans could remember”.   It ended Man City 1 Arsenal 2 and was the 4th league match of the unbeaten season.

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51 Replies to “The ten headlines that confirm the big signing is about to happen”

  1. Walter
    Off topic buy thank you very much for confirming that rolf and tailgunner were most likely one and the same person! This was after the bizarre response to bjt’s question. I never went back to that thread so hadn’t seen your post which came well after mine. I’ve just seen your post now and gone back and did a quick scan of the articles written since then, and don’t think I’ve seen a single post from either of those two names. Good riddance 🙂

    And thank you also for picking up that on that same thread OMG also got another bizarre response (and got verbally abused in the process) by someone calling himself Dex, and at other times Dexter. You just couldn’t make this stuff up! Crazy day indeed. Recall Pat challenging this Dex character about who he really was and where he surfaced from but don’t think he got a response.

    I always had my suspicions about tailgunner. And I even said at one point I felt that he was Rupert Cook (the phraseology, line of arguments, nature of posts, etc., and something else that confirmed his signature to me, but which I won’t say as I’m 100% sure he’ll pop back here under a different moniker at some point, which will help identify him – watching too much CSI 🙂 ) but others felt he wasn’t Rupert. Personally I wasn’t convinced and I even accused him at one point of writing under multiple names, and he didn’t deny it.

    A few weeks back there was a ‘three-way’ (now confirmed to be two way; myself against one person with multiple personalities) exchange between myself, tailgunner and rolf, where he was ganging up with himself (I know it doesn’t make sense but how else can such behaviour be explained sensibly?) to attack me. Rolf would say one vile thing against me, which tailgunner would readily agree with and add more venom. And to think it was one and the same person shows an alarming level of depravity that I feel violated having interacted with such a human being. In another incident I commented that jayram had shown his hand by admitting he wanted Wenger out, and wondered why Rupert didn’t do the same, and not surprisingly I was attacked by tailgunner (and Tom, who apparently seemed to know exactly what Rupert is doing these days). I may have got it wrong to think tailgunner is Rupert, but at least I was right that he posted under two different characters (tailgunner being measured but cunning, with rolf being more vitriolic).

    This just goes to show that, despite their denials, the aaaa exists and are well and truly alive(as if this was ever in doubt). Why else would one need to post their point under two different names, copy and paste from other sites, etc., if they’re expressing something they sincerely believe in? It’s obvious these are either seriously disturbed individuals(in which case they need help), or agents on a mission to destabilise the club, and UA for its pro Arsenal stance. On the other thread Tony is told to grow up, that he’s pathetic to write about a misinformative article from this or that publication, etc., for daring to point out the stupid things the media told us. Strange isn’t it, when one thinks why not attack that site that’s misinforming people, and not Tony who’s simply pointing this out. Obviously some of the regulars here were being swayed by the likes of tailgunner, and am sure we have not seen the last of these posters. They’ll be back, under different names. Keep up the good work UA, let the truth be told!

    For anyone wondering what this is all about and wanting to take a look check out the posts by tailgunner, rolf, dexter and dex from this thread;

  2. Amazing link Samrath…. as Al is saying : how can this be linked to Arsenal?
    The invent a rumour and when that player then goes to another team they come up with Arsenal being snubbed bullshit lines….

  3. To be honest I am hugely disappointed thatwe haven’t brought in a WC outfield player this window. Isn’t it the reason we moved stadiums. We know there is a lot of money in the bank we should take every opportunity to strengthen our squad to catch up with City and Chelsea.

    Re the game. Pleased the referee dished out cards early on to neutralise their obvious attempt to kick us off our game. Coquelin bore the brunt of this ( why we have brought in another DM is mystifying)

    Not so pleased he missed the pen

    Once again created chances but our shooting boots were missing. It’s good that we’re creating chances but need to be more clinical. I think Theo is a bit tense trying to live up to his wage and the fact he’s been given up top. I’m sure once one goes in he’ll settle. I still like him on the right timing his runs between the LB and CB.

    Once we got the goal I thought we just kept the ball sporadically launching attacks. Newcastle didn’t seem interested in going for the equaliser. Like the look of Gabriel along side Kos. Reminds me of Martin Keown. Cech might as well have brought his deck chair. It’s probably the easiest clean sheet he’s ever had
    Not a fantastic performance. Functional and

  4. Functional and professional and any three points away from home in this league are not easy to come by. Happy with the result but we need our forwards to start firing like they have done.

  5. Walter
    being ‘snubbed’ is probably better than this. I was wondering whom Arsenal sold to Bayern.

  6. The problem is that when you look incapable of scoring goals, it’s hard to be confident that you can put that kind of run together, and thus the worries about the team’s performances are amplified. When your two main strikers have glorious chances to get the goals that will provide some of the confidence and belief they need, only to miss them very badly indeed, it doesn’t help either.

    I’m sure even those most vocal about how poor we’ve been will admit that this is a team capable of much more. I think that’s where much of the frustration comes from … for me, anyway. It’s not simply down to how much money we’ve spent (or not spent), it’s that the players we have should be playing a lot better than this. And so, when they continue to clump the ball over the bar from close range, or lob it gently into the arms of the goalkeeper with no conviction whatsoever, the answer is someone else, someone new, someone different.

  7. Why is it that when ever I read the headline
    ” Arsenal to make stunning move”
    I am never stunned?

  8. Thanks for going through all the bla bla out there – Sir Hardley. Its a dirty jib but someones got to do it 😉 🙂

    August 31, 2015 at 8:28 am

    I too got abused by this Dex fella; I did give a-little back 🙂 but got bored with higher intelligence in the end 😉

  9. Another masterful survey by the redoubtable Sir Hardly! Keep them coming!

    Like you I have had suspicions about TailGunner for some time. He gives me the impression that he does not want to fully declare his viewpoint and comes across as disingenuous rather than openly aaaa. But, that does not mean he is not aaaa at heart.

    I don’t think he is Rupert, there are some differences, but the fact that he is rolf is bizzare! Either way I don’t think he is a genuine Arsenal supporter.

    As for Dex or Dexter – what an idiot. I haven’t had time to disect him, it is probably not worth the effort – but he must be close to a red by now!

  10. This weekend’s results show that Man Utd, Chelsea and Liverpool haven’t spent anything like enough!

  11. Amazing striker on the way…..John Radford would make as much sense as some of the articles I have read

  12. @Sir Hardly,
    Good write up as usual about all the rubbish rumors! The part about Emanuele Giulianelli he’s apparently an Italian journalist who was credited with pushing the story that Benzema was coming to Arsenal last month, and now that Inter told us that we can’t have Mauro Icardi.

  13. Breaking news…

    Shit websites spout sensationalist bullshit to entice gullible old twats with too much time on their hands…

  14. Christ, a le grove reference. How utterly dull and predictable. Still I’m sure it suits your narrow blinkered little frame of reference.

    That site is full of equally narrow minded twats as some of the deluded fools on here.

  15. Al

    “In another incident I commented that jayram had shown his hand by admitting he wanted Wenger out, and wondered why Rupert didn’t do the same, and not surprisingly I was attacked by tailgunner (and Tom, who apparently seemed to know exactly what Rupert is doing these days). ”

    Al , you weren’t attacked by me , you poor soul.
    You called Rupert a coward for not showing up on this site to demand Wenger be fired, and I simply pointed out that Rupert has done exactly what you and many others had told him repeatedly to do.

    I said you were either “hard to please or just plain confused” Hardly an attack in anyone’s book.

    You , on the other hand, instead of leaving it be like any sensible poster might do when caught posting something stupid ( it happens to us all once in a while), persisted and called me a Rupert’s ass licker to which I replied that I would rather lick his ass than pick your brain.

    And this post of yours only enforces my convictions of that.

  16. Breaking news

    Apparently the medical area of the training ground is being readied for a medical today of a world class striker…its all over social media so it must be true

  17. Good afternoon Sir Hardly. I must say I am appointed (parable) with the news that I came across on the Internet media websites since yesterday that, my recommended right wing target to the Boss may likely be loaned to West Ham by their fellow London club. Well, what can I say other than to say, I am appointed. It has been said that, in every disappointment, there is an appointment that follows it in disguise. I don’t know if the Boss is after my target or he has been disappointed for not getting his this summer transfer targets signed. However, let him not worry much over that. Rather, let him search for the appointments that followed his disappointments in his this summer transfer bidding failures, if at all he has any. He has to search for the appointments in his team to locate them and use them unfailingly to get the field results he wants. I think the Boss should abstain from this deadline day transfer deals till January window if these late biddings are proving expensive for him to make a good quality steal-buy. Would the Boss use the 4-4-2 diamond head to confront Stoke at Emirates Stadium, by starting Giroud and Walcott to lead the Gunners’ line? And revert to the 4-2-3-1 formation against Chelsea at the Bridge, if he has Welbeck and Wilshere available for selections? Could this be the appointments that I am talking about?

  18. If the football supporting public realise that those writing these headline probably dont believe much of the rubbish they write, they probably wont feel so disappointed. Much of the anger they direct at clubs/managers for not signing players the papers say we would (& were never in for) is disgused anger at themselves for being taken in by the nonsense in the first place. These are grown adults for goodness sake, & they’re taking what they see in papers/twitter etc as gospel.

    In the grand scheme of things is it really the biggest crime against the universe if Arsenal dont sign anyone else? No.

    Of course if they do, I’ll be as happy as anyone, but if they dont, we’ve not actually lost anything.

    It is possible to support your club without being reduced to spoilt child tantrums or an emotional wreck. Dont get sucked into it.

  19. There are a few on here recently that need medicals.

    Walter/Tony – please block Dex or Dexter & remove his posts. He’s a practicing moron with a dildo.

  20. Following on from the zero tolerance – @Walter @OMGArsenal is there anything in the Laws that prevents a referee giving a penalty for time wasting by a goalkeeper? It is a ‘foul’ in the penalty area after all.

  21. Menace, penalties result from fouls that call for a direct free kick being performed in the penalty box. It is possible to have an indirect free kick in the box (or used to be), and time wasting I believe is an indirect free kick offence.

  22. Law 12 – Page 37

    > Fouls and misconduct are penalised as follows:

    > Direct free kick

    (bottom of page)

    > Penalty kick

    > A penalty kick is swarded if any of the above 10 offences is committed by a player inside his own penalty area, irrespective of the position of the ball, provided it is in play.

  23. Thanks Gord. I’ll have a look at my copy of the Laws (a couple of years old) but still relevant though not current.

  24. So Pato follows Arsenal FC twitter account and hence is signing for us, whilst our Monreal just started following Atletico’s twitter account and he is leaving (getting in some last minute shopping) for spain 🙂 🙂

  25. Menace,
    to give a penalty the ball has to be “in play” so usually with time wasting the ball is not in play so no penalty can be given

  26. The only interesting headline I’ve seen as we approach the deadline is:

    Arsenal officials to request permit modification for Hazardous Waste Management

    Arsenal may be requesting something, but it isn’t Arsenal Football Club. Rather, it is the Redstone Arsenal in Alabama.

    But, if it was AFC, are they getting ready to do something about AAA and PGMO? Wouldn’t that be Hazardous Waste Management? 🙂

  27. @Gord

    Don’t worry – there is no other real news going on today – making real headlines inconspicuous anyway 🙂

  28. Hazardous waste management, think that applies more to a player at another London club based on his performances this season! He might even be one of the Mourinho 3 underachievers.

  29. Spurs pay 22 mil for a player I have never heard of. Utd 36 mil for a talented, if raw uncapped teenager. City pay 55mil for a player who according to Jose, doesn’t like having to fight for his place, he will have to do just that at City. Still think Sterling is a risk at his price, though he seems to be doing well enough for now.
    It’s all gone mad. I don’t know what of anything Wenger will do, but this is clearly not an easy market to do business in unless you are willing to pay massively inflated buyout clauses and pay huge salaries.
    Martial cost more, and quite possibly will earn more than Alexis. That is the definition of insanity, not some quote the aaa falsely attribute to Einstein.
    Strange how so many fans have now become experts on Icardi and Lacazette, but half of them have never even seen them play even on Utube.
    If Wenger signs, I will welcome the player, if he stays out of this, who can blame him.

  30. Some news headlines, are reporting seeing Wenger on the plane to Paris. Would Arsenal hire actors (and makeup and wardrobe and …) to get on planes, trains and automobiles at the end of transfer season? 🙂

    Wenger seen going to Paris, we are getting Cavani

    Wenger seen going to New York, we are getting Lampard

    Wenger seen going to Kennedy Space Center, we are getting a Martian!

  31. Wenger in Paris?

    Tell him to stay there and not come back unless he comes back with a Defender, defensive midfielder and 2 stikers.

  32. Arsene! You make my blood boil dry.

    I have now grown to H8 u…………….I use to love u.

    Spend some money – make AFC great again and not a loser you have made them.

    A has been.

    An also ran.

  33. Aliens…..who are you really; Rupert, Dex or Dexter, Rolf or tailgunner, Jamramfootball Alisher Usmanov or a Spuddite in disguise? Regardless, you are a fool and an illiterate one at that.
    As the French say, ‘un croissant avec ca monsieur’?

  34. How much Bollox’s can the media spew? Crap on top of a big heap of Shiite, and they Wonder why no sane person with half a brain would believe them!

  35. Same story, same headline… that’s what you get when you developed a habit of copying assignment as student.


    ah rupert cook and co, little old rats…
    give it a rest, man. you are falling to them hands.
    don’t let them get you..

    don’t let them cloud yer judgement, just smile and give yer middle fingers to those sick souls.

  36. @ Al & bjtgooner – I had a long time suspicion that it was that clown the ‘old turd ‘ who was posting on here . Shared it off line with another AKB , and we kept watching , but I never engaged him/them , nor answered any questions that he/ they posed directly to me .
    Certain styles of writing are as good a signature .

  37. Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

    The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nice, nurses are known to be hot.”

    The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices.”

    The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are too strict.”

    The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse’s husband. He sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was ‘You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary.'”

    Then, the telephone operator’s husband calls and sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'”

    Later that afternoon, the teacher’s husband calls and happily says, “When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was ‘We are going to do this over and over until we get it right!'”

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