Wenger confirm(s) super signing will be made; Mourinho sacked; Blogetta roundup

By Sir Hardly Anyone; Our Head of Blogetta and Spoof-man of the century is down the pub.

GOOD NEWS: Wenger Reveals Return Date For 6 of the Injured First Team Players

So shouts “GunnersCity” who helpfully print the list

  • 21st November – Bellerin, Oxlade Chamberlain, Ramsey.
  • 29th November – Walcott.
  • 13th December – Wilshere.

But then we spot the next story in the same the very, very same, blogetta:

NOT AGAIN: Arsenal Star Ruled Out Of The Season

Shall we just pause for a second and read the previous headline before taking on this one…

It’s about Gnabry and says, “The player was accused of improper conduct last week, which led to his exclusion from the 18-man match day squad that faced Manchester United on Saturday.”  The notion being that he will be trapped for a whole season not playing for WBA.  It seems unlikely Arsenal would allow this of a prize asset, but that’s what you get when dealing with Pulis.

But moving on…

ACCEPTED– La Liga Club ACCEPTS Arsenal €45m Bid For Chelsea Target Ahead Of January Window

Now this looks more like it.  It is from Footballcolumnist.com

Spanish news outlet Fichajes [oh hell], who reveal Arsenal are working on a £22m deal to lure the Spaniard to the Emirates in January, as Gunners boss Arsene Wenger wants to amplify his midfield options and has pinpointed Isco as the ideal fit.  They report that the Gunners are preparing a January raid for the Spain international star and that Isco has been a long-term transfer target for Arsene Wenger’s side.

Now forgive me if I have got this wrong, but isn’t there a certain disconnect between ACCEPTED and ACCEPTS in the headline and “working on” in the story.  Or am I just being and old man-about-town and a bit pedantic?

Still there is more

“I Will Go To Arsenal” £75,000-A-Week Defensive Star Confirms BIG NEWS

Who can this be.  A new signing surely.   But oh, what’s this?   Wojciech Szczesny has vowed to return to Arsenal next season and fight for his place in the team, as per reports.

Thank you dailyfootballblog.com

DEAL AGREED-£70,000-A-Week Star Agrees To Sign In January, Will Complete London Move

As per the Express, Mathieu Debuchy has indicated his desire to leave the club in January.

Hmmm there must be something better around…

£40million Price SET, SENSATIONAL Star To Make Emirate DEAL!, First Winter signing Close

The Star reports suggest Benfica wonderkid Goncalo Guedes could make the switch to the Emirates as the gunner have regularly sent scouts to watch him in action.   The 19-year-old has been touted as the new Cristiano Ronaldo and has a bright prospect ahead of him.

However, Benfica are not prepared to lose him and they have placed a asking price of £40million to put off offers for his signature.

“To make Emirate Deal”?   Oh he’s going to sign for the airline.    That was oohtobeagooner

Wenger is finally on verge to sign£35m superstar in January!

According to the reports from Spain Arsenal are very close to finalize the mega transfer and sign a long-time target Karim Benzema in January. French superstar was strongly linked with the Gunners over the summer, with numerous suggestions that bids had been lodged for his services.

Now I am sorry for the delay in putting out this blog but I fell off my chair at that one.  And it goes on.

Reportedly, the 27-year-old striker is set to be moved on in the coming months following news he’s been charged in a blackmail plot against Lyon star Mathieu Valbuena. It’s also believed that  the Royal club feel he’s damaged the club with a series of incidents, including this one involving compatriot, and he’s now likely to move to Premier League.    Offsidefootball

OK so Arsenal will take a man currently in prison accused of blackmail?   A bit like wanting a man who bit the opposition players I suppose.  We didn’t then, we won’t now.

Another Arsenal Star Injured? Wenger Releases OFFICIAL News

Injury news is all the rage of course and so we read with interest that Arsenal manager Arséne Wenger has allayed fears among the Gunners supporters that Mathieu Debuchy sustained an injury during their 1-1 draw with Tottenham in the North London Derby on Sunday.

Ah so he wasn’t then.  Right.

Breaking News: Mourinho Sacked After 1978/79 History Was Discovered

Oohtobeagooner is breaking this one…

An interesting stat cropped up today that they, the Blues, lost 7 out of their first 12 games in the 1978/1979 season; they eventually got relegated that season, and it seems history is about to play out again

Really?  I mean really?  I mean… could someone get me another drinkipoo please?

Arsenal Will Land This £45M Striker In January, Deal In Progress

This too is from oohtobeagooner and so we read it sitting down, with port and lemon at the ready…

Newer reports has emerged suggesting the Gunners will return back for Paris Saint-Germain striker Cavani could make the switch to the Emirates in January.   The Spanish outlet claims the Gunners will be ready to snatch former Napoli man who cost PSG over £45 million in the summer of £2013.

Don’t hold you breath.


This is oohtobeagooner again so I wonder if we should not just stop at this point.  But well, since we are here let’s see.  What exactly did Mr Wenger say?

“If we find opportunities, we will do [them]. Having everybody back, especially offensively, I feel we have what we need.”

Really, I’m sorry.  I can’t go on.  Will someone please arrange some liquid refreshment???  What sort of pub is this???


Anniversaries (full list on the home page)

10 November 1888: Horton Kirby (South Darenth) 2 Royal Arsenal 6, in the Kent Senior Cup – it was Arsenal’s first year in the competition.

10 November 1948: Laurie Scott last appearance for England.  He won 17 caps between 1947 and 1949

14 Replies to “Wenger confirm(s) super signing will be made; Mourinho sacked; Blogetta roundup”

  1. Thanks Usama. It is a really great piece, and it is superb to read the whole thing in a decent translation into English. If only we had a L’Equipe in England. All we have is Sporting Life!

    There is a superb bit at the end, and I would love everyone to read it, even if they don’t read the whole thing.

    Q: And if there was something that was sore?

    AW: To be, after every single defeat, despite the consistency that we have put into our work at the highest level, questioned about everything that has been done. The “everything down the pan” reaction. A balance must be found between your masochistic capacity to put up with what you are forced to endure and your delight in accomplishment.

    Today, the masochistic capacity has to be far more considerable so that I can express my passion. I am at that point now. I do many things that make me suffer.

    Q: Is that why you stay away from the media?

    AW: Of course. Do you know somebody who wakes up in the morning and says: Hey, I want to receive 50 lashes?

  2. Forget the Alcohol mate!
    Your gonna have to get the Crack pipe out.
    If anyone is deluded enough to believe any of these rumours! … They are beyond help.

    As per usual, Our returning injured player’s will be like our new signings! ?

  3. Irrespective of whatever the Blogetters have blogetted, I believe the Boss SHOULD sign a top quality left back in Jan if he reinstates Kieran Gibbs to mid-left-winger which was his originally position. His late equalizing goal against Spurs last Sunday at the Emirates Stadium is a food for a serious thought and implementation by the Boss, I should believe. I think the Boss SHOULD consider for implementation, this new order of Gunners starting XI for the WBA away game and see how it goes. And I am sure, if all things go well for the Gunners in that game in about 2 weeks time, Arsenal will be guaranteed 3 goals in that match. Cech;DebuchyRhino’KoscielnyMonreal; FlaminiCoquellan; Sanchez(rw)OzilGibbs(lw); Giroud. Can the De Abreu plays at left back should in case? Ramsey, the Ox and Bellerin should all be rested for a possible start in the Zagreb Ucl match, IMHO. Going into the New Year campaign, it’ll be more secured if the Boss will sign a 4th striker for Arsenal in the January window. Aleksandr Kokorin and Jesse Rodriquez of Real Madrid have all be touted for a possible signing by the boss. Three bottom line is, the SHOULD reinforce those 2 positions in January. But he may not reinforced his right wing as he has them many for that position.

  4. Hilarious that some even print that stuff. I mean….Benzema….even if he isnt found guilty in the end, he appears tarnished, and 45m is a lot for tarnished, as it is for a near 30 year old PSG striker not getting so many games.
    But on the other hand , we could pay 68m for an Argentine striker we wouldnt go to 28m for a couple years back, makes perfect sense.
    We just need Theo, OG and Danny fighting fit, if not, maybe we can tempt Emile Heskey away from Bolton, or wherever he is these days

  5. What is particularly funny Mandy is that many of these stories got huge numbers of hits when they originally appeared.

    People keep going to those sites over and over and over again.

  6. I had something earlier, and a mis step with the keyboard, and all gone. 🙂

    CIES put out a report about average age of teams in EPL, Arsenal average at about 27.

    Histogram data of Arsenal ages:
    19 1
    20 17
    22 8
    23 5
    24 15
    25 21
    26 13
    27 34
    29 25
    30 20
    31 32
    33 18

    Average age 27.3
    Median age 27 MAD is 3 (how wide)

  7. “Arsenal dealt transfer window defining hammer blow as agent reveals striker’s true plans”

    “Defining” 🙂

    Not just a hammer blow but a defining hammer blow. Yikes!
    I’m scared.

  8. Well some people must have a lot of time on their hands Tony, that’s all I can say. Yes, they are amusing when reported on here, but repeated visits to a site saying Mr Wenger, and the club would be interested in a guy accused of an offence that may be slightly disruptive to team spirit……

  9. @Sir Hardly,
    No mention of Welbeck’s progress by Arsene.
    Am worried that we may have another Diaby here.

    ps Anyone know how the lad is getting on in Marseilles?


    An exclusive and breaking figmentous tale from The Brickfields Gunners Blog

    In a shocking and earth shattering move that could only have originated in the wine filled recesses that is the Brickfields Gunners’ mind , come the news that AW is to sign Radamel Falcao on a permanent deal in January !

    The Colombian is known to be an avid admirer of AW and Arsenal’s style of play , and wanting to stay in the EPL ,and far , far out of the reach of his country’s cartels , he has made a ‘get me outta here ‘ plea .

    As well known to most of the experts , loan deals normally don’t pan out well for the loanee . His club want him out , and the club taking him in are only looking for a short term fix till their injured are fully fit.

    After 2 failed moves to what appeares to ‘arry , to be ‘top, top’ clubs , he is willing to sign for a song ( No , not the player ! He too is a loanee somewhere !Nor for his countrywomen , Shakira’s new number !), but for a mere fraction of his true worth.

    If this deal were to be done it would bring back together a pairing that was torn asunder by the antics of the moaning one at Chelski . That of Falcao and Dr Eva , who were an ‘item’ and seen at all the hot spots before the meltdown . As only the Brickfields Gunners is privy to certain sensitive information , keep reading his blog here for further updates of this incredible love story.

    Dr. Eva has become quite the darling of the Arsenal faithful , and is about to join the club’s famed medical team under Shad Forsythe . Just as soon as she nails that skunks hide ( and other organs !) in court .Let her bloody her hands to her heart’s content , but then joins us clean and unsullied .

    On a side note , Hollywood has snapped up the exclusive rights to this story and a script is being developed for an upcoming movie .

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