By Walter Broeckx
Arsenal Football Club have today released the following statement about Cesc Fabregas::
“Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas is under contract with the Club until the summer of 2015. He is a highly-valued member of the team and part of our future plans.
“We have followed recent speculation linking Cesc with a move away from the Club but as there has never been any official approach for him, only two informal exchanges, in which we made it abundantly clear that we have no interest in transferring Cesc, we have refrained from publicly passing comment. However, yesterday evening we received an offer from Barcelona for Cesc and in response, we immediately and resolutely told them once again that we have no intention of selling our captain.
“To be clear, we will not make any kind of counterproposal or enter into any discussion. Barcelona have publicly stated that they will respect our position and we expect that they will keep their word.”
So far the statement from Arsenal. Now, do you think this is funny? Do you think this is good news? Do you? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS FUNNY???? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS GOOD NEWS???
Just wait till you read the rest of the article and discover the consequences this will have and then see if you still find it funny.
Reports say that since Arsenal released this official statement the whole media is in uproar. Editors throw with their furniture, assistant-editors have to hide to avoid being hit by still unidentified flying objects that are flying around in all media headquarters. Doors are smashed by angry directors. Some reports say that several people are injured by all those flying objects. So this is not funny anymore.
A source said that a few thousand people have been fired since the official statement was made by Arsenal. The economy in the UK is collapsing rapidly. Those people were hired by the media to help them to make up stories about Cesc this summer. Their only needed talent was to be able to write as many articles which should certainly contain the following words : “Cesc or Fabregas, to go conjugated in all its possible forms, Barcelona, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next month, before the world cup, during the world cup, after the world cup, this summer”. The rest could be made up as they liked it but the words given here were a must. Now all these people have lost their job all of a sudden and that because Arsenal spoiled the fun of the summer. See, this is not funny anymore.
But reports also suggests that not only the media are hit hard by this statement. No, the paper industry will face a major setback. The paper industry had made an extra large stock of paper to be sure they could follow the demand that would come from the newspapers. The newspaper had expected an increase in sale of some 30% just to cover the news around Cesc. The paper industry bought the paper but now it looks like they will not be able to sell it. Several paper companies have already declared that they could face bankruptcy because of the Arsenal statement. See, told you this is not so funny anymore.
It is believed that also in the world wide web it seems to be all doom and gloom. Hundreds of bloggers all over the universe are facing a very, very difficult summer. Those who write a blog know how difficult it is to write interesting stuff during the summer when there is no football. A lot of them had their articles ready to condemn Cesc because he left us. Others had their articles ready to say that they understand Cesc but condemn the board and the president for saying foolish things to the press and thus forcing Cesc to leave. And others had their articles ready to blame Wenger. But in fact those face no problems as they are constantly blaming Wenger for the bad weather, for the good weather, for the lack of rain, for too much rain, for being too cold or being too hot, for selling Cesc or for not selling him. So those last one can just carry on as if nothing happened. But for the rest…they have to start all over again and try to invent some new and different angles. Many blogger will throw away their keyboard in despair. Can you imagine being such a person? I can tell you they will not find the Arsenal statement funny.
While I was writing this some news reports came in from Barcelona. A lot of shirt sellers face bankruptcy. They all had ordered some 10.000 Barcelona shirts with Cesc his name on them. Because the media in Spain had reported it was certain that he would come they ordered the shirts before the deal was done. Now they have paid the shirts and they cannot sell them. Their sale of the century is down the drain. A certain Manuel was quoted to have said: ‘I’m from Barcelona and I know nothing”. Do you think they find this funny?
An insider told that some other people who are out of their job is Barcelona Club Director Raul Sanllehi and technical secretary Txiki Begiristain. They had been appointed to direct the negotiations for Barcelona. Some reports even suggested that they had flown to London to start the negotiation only to find that the door at Highbury house was shut and that Wenger refused to open the door. They even weren’t allowed to go to the toilet and had to go to a pub full of Gooners who chased them out the pub when they heard them speaking Catalan. They were lastly seen running as fast as they could down Holloway road. Do you think they find this funny?
So you see a simple statement made by Arsenal about their captain which made most of the fans very happy turned out to be the beginning of the end for some people. So when you sit at home very satisfied you maybe could spare a thought on all those people out there who’s live turned out miserable just by this statement. And maybe while you are enjoying a pint, or who knows something else that you like to drink when you feel good you might just make a toast. Maybe you could use the words: “Here’s to those who work all day to invent that Cesc will go”.
My God, I certainly loved this Arsenal statement and I will be lifting my glass right now and say : Here’s to those who stuck with Arsenal when all said Cesc would go”.
Oh and one final thing : just wait a few days till the media has counted the body’s and they will come up with a new victim to sell.
Temporary editor’s note: As Tony is going away for a few days to get a well deserved rest, I have agreed to take over the operation of the site during his time away . If you have something that cant wait to be published you can send it to this email address firstname.lastname@example.org.
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