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They don’t half say some funny things in the press. Latest headlines from a wandering media.

By Tony Attwood

Much of the time the press work as one.  They find an enemy and go for it.  Or him.  If this can be linked with a solid bit of doom mongering and some praise of Liverpool!!! so much the better.

Thus Jonathan Liew of the Telegraph, always one for a good bit of mongering as he rambles recently had the announcement that

Wenger’s exit from Arsenal would not end Emirates civil war

continuing in his normal curious non-evidence manner that

“Wenger Out” is a political faction in all but name. The ideological dimension is evident in everything from its slogans (“TIME FOR CHANGE”; “SUPPORT THE TEAM, NOT THE REGIME”) to its vitriolic hatred of the AKB (Arsène Knows Best) loyalists, to the fact that its leading supporter group is called the Black Scarf Movement, as if they were Serbian fascist paramilitaries rather than white-collar professionals from Hornsey. They genuinely fancy themselves as latter-day Bolívars, liberating Arsenal from the imperialist yoke of Wenger’s 4-2-3-1.

He may be bonkers, but it can be quite amusing.

Elsewhere the rumblings about the Chelsea Tottenham outbreak of war rumbles along with recent headlines including

Fabregas accused of sparking brawl by slapping Spurs players in groin

The Independent went down a quite different route with

If Colonel Gaddafi had any sense, he’d have told Kelvin MacKenzie he was just about to order free and fair elections when Liverpool fans without tickets broke down his door

Make of that what you will.

Equally entertaining (or not depending on your point of view) was the way in which the papers fell over themselves this week to point out that just about anyone and everyone in the Premier League could qualify for Europe next season.   Or at least all the way down to the team that ended up


(Yes they really did print it that big)

Apparently the eighth placed team will qualify for the Europa League IF Liverpool win the Europa League AND finish seventh AND Manchester United win the FA Cup and finish in the top six AND Manchester City qualify for the Champions League (by whatever means).   That was in the Daily Mail.

And all this before the Fair Play League winners.

Now we’ve been reporting the Fair Play League off and on this season, a league which Arsenal has topped most of the year, but I wanted to know exactly what happens to the Fair Play position if Arsenal were to win and qualify for the Champions League via their league position.

No one seems to know but I did find a piece by ESPN which didn’t tell me the answer at all but did tell me that

“…in some southern European countries, … an official who allows lots of physical contact between players is referred to as an “English” referee.

“The difference is supported by the numbers. In last season’s Premier League there were 1,363 yellow cards, whereas La Liga had a whopping 2,036 — which means, without even considering the other factors, there’s little chance of Spanish clubs ever winning a fair play spot.

“That would be entirely justifiable if Spanish football was extremely dirty. But that’s not the situation; in fact, it’s the opposite. Spanish referees are extremely strict, discouraging opponents from committing hard tackles.”

Well I never did!  There is something odd about English referees.  Has anyone ever noticed that before?

Anyway, back to headlines.  The Mail entertained us with…

Leicester must invest or risk ending up like Blackburn… they cannot afford to drink in their success too long

and then in case we had not had enough told us that

Eriksen believes Arsenal, not Chelsea, cost Spurs the Premier League title

And the blaming of referees for not being on top of their game is being stepped up (although of course in in relation to Arsenal).

GRAHAM POLL: Tottenham’s title charge could still be on if Clattenburg had got his cards out early

plus the recognition that our neighbours are not just noisy but also dirty.

Spurs break record for most yellow cards in a Premier League fixture after NINE players were booked

So having had a fill of the Mail it was over to the Metro who of course were up to their normal anti-Arsenal anti-Wenger tricks with

It’s on: Mata reveals how Man United can still catch Arsenal and Man City

The Express however decided to go elsewhere obviously wanting to wind up a few fellow travellers…

Arsene Wenger offered three-year deal to stay at Arsenal

After that I rather thought they lost the plot by announcing “Man Utd legend Rio Ferdinand makes hilarious statement about this European giant” followed by an “explanation” that “RIO FERDINAND has revealed he’s ‘turned on’ by the way Atletico Madrid play.”

They were also playing catch up TV quite a bit of the time with the rather late announcement about “The Tottenham ace who made a ‘threatening gesture’ that angered Chelsea star”.  Apparently “ERIC DIER lost his cool and made a ‘threatening gesture’ towards Cesc Fabregas in Monday night’s…”  Well you know.

Oh yes, and there is all the transfer stuffTottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino secret talks Chelsea ace John Terry Premier League

Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino holds secret talks with Chelsea aceBarcelona officials Liverpool talks Anfield LFC News

Barcelona officials jet in to Liverpool for talks (which rather amusing leads to “BARCELONA officials have visited Anfield to gain some advice on continuing to play football”…

Ian Wright got in on the act with “This Chelsea star should be ashamed of himself this season.”

Arsenal Inter Milan Mauro Icardi Man United Chelsea transfer news gossipThere was good news around as well
  • Arsenal handed triple boost ahead of crunch clash against Manchester City

  • Arsenal’s Real Madrid agreement hijacked by Manchester United

Leicester Transfer News Vice Chairman Jamie Vardy Riyad Mahrez N'Golo Kante Not LeavingAnd bad
  • Bayern Munich star favours move to Roma (Arsenal deal snubbed)

And good

Southampton fear Arsenal and Everton target will reject new deal

Liverpool Man City PSG Jonathan Ikone transfer news gossipAnd bemusingArsenal Spurs League Two Liverpool AFC Wimbledon Ryan Sweeney transfer gossip
Arsenal and Spurs to scout League Two ace: Liverpool also interested…
NGolo Kante transfer news Tottenham Arsenal Chelsea Premier League gossip rumours
And the simply weird

Spotted: Vardy leaves his house (Lucozade in hand)

All in all its just another week in the media.   Liverpool are wonderful, Arsenal are in turmoil, everyone will play in Europe except Arsenal for reasons that are not clear.

Still, the light at the end of the tunnel is normally the express train travelling in the opposite direction.

10 comments to They don’t half say some funny things in the press. Latest headlines from a wandering media.

  • Usama Zaka

    “GRAHAM POLL: Tottenham’s title charge could still be on if Clattenburg had got his cards out early”

    This headline caught my eye. My reaction to this was “What!?!?” Now, since we are conducting a ref review for this special match (just a one-off) I have watched this match twice. And I found that so bad was the players’ conduct that around 17 red cards should have given by ref but were not. 3 players from Chelsea and 14 players from Spurs !!!

    Let me expand more on this one. 3 different Chelsea players should have been sent off and 5 different Spurs’ players should have been sent off on numerous occasions until the full time whistle. Now here is the most important point here in these numbers, that if a team receives 5 or more red cards the match is abandoned.

    From the start till end of the match and even after the end it was Spurs who fouled, provoked, and provoked the brawls way more than Chelsea.

    So how can Mr. Graham Poll say that Spurs would still in title race if the ref had given out cards early. (triva- he is the only ref in the world to give out three yellow cards to one player)

    More will be discussed in the review.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from Privates to Lance Corporals.

    Not long afterward, they’re out for a walk and Mick says, “Hey Paddy, there’s the NCO Club; let’s you and me step in.”

    “But we’re only privates,” protests Paddy.

    “We’re Lance Corporals now,” says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside.

    “Now, Paddy, I’m a-gonna sit down and have me a drink.”

    “But we’re Privates,” says Paddy.

    “You blind, boy?” asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. “We’re Lance Corporals now!”

    So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lassies comes up to Mick.

    “You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to date you; but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”

    Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhea means. If it’s okay, give me the okay sign.”

    So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.

    Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.

    Mick says to Paddy, “Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?”

    “Well Mick, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates and we’re Lance Corporals now! “

  • bjtgooner

    @Brickfields – very good!

    @Usama – I picked up on the same comment by Poll – and like you I saw the Spuddies as the main aggressor with what appeared to be deliberate and planned fouling, some dangerous, from the off. (And it takes quite something to out-rugby Chelski!)

    What on earth was Poll’s motivation for twisting the obvious – was he doing the media bidding by trying to make the Spuddies look good – or is he trying to distract from the Spurs thuggery & minimise any punishment?

  • Gooner S


    A few things about Jonathan Liew

    1: I agree with the statement “Wenger’s exit from Arsenal would not end Emirates civil war”. I don’t think it would. There would be those of us that would support the new manager and the club and give them a fair chance and there will be those that will be straight onto the new manager’s back if results didn’t go our way.

    2: He’s calling it a civil war. I agree that’s what it is.

    If we fast forward to the day that Mr Wenger finally departs I do wonder how certain blogs will re-brand or re-position themselves and then what they will write should things not go the way they want – which will probably start, before we kick a ball, with the naming of Mr Wenger’s successor!

  • Mandy Dodd

    And now arch Arsenal hater …..and a guy who seems quite fond of Spurs ……Matt Law is saying Alexis stormed out of the ground after his …..late….substitution against Norwich, and wants out….
    These journalists are becoming tragic

  • Leon


    Don’t know about storming out of the ground, but he certainly went straight down the tunnel instead of taking his place on the bench (as is usual)…of course he might have had a small injury that required some attention.

  • Pat

    Alexis cares and wants to play every minute of every game. He might also have been frustrated at not having scored. His immediate emotional reaction does not need to be interpreted as a general reflection of his view of our club. Only journalists determined to see everything about Arsenal in a negative light would do so. You seem to be following this line with your sarky remark, Leon.

  • Leon


    Looks to me as though you’re agreeing with the journalist’s view that he stormed out of the ground and are using his passion as an excuse.
    I only saw him enter the tunnel and while I feel there was probably some pique involved there could have been other reasons…..toilet break, slight injury. No sarcasm at all. I’m on his side.

  • Top Guns

    I think it is ridiculous that the fact Alexis stormed down the tunnel means he wants to leave Arsenal! As Pat quite rightly suggests he wants to play every minute of every game. He had a frustrating game v Norwich and his reaction was probably more a result of that than anything else.

  • austinpaul

    @ Leon nd TopGun , I tink I agree more wit ur rationale!hope Alexis himself reacts soon to stop our detractors in their evil tracks!