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March 2021

Latest Medical Discoveries and Treatments for “them”


As a medical practitioner I daily come across some weird conditions and weirder patients , very much like the weird shit and  some weird ‘them ‘  that we get on UA .  And just as the AKBs on here give ‘them’ their justly deserved treatment with such candour and humour, so too will I endeavour  to treat ‘them’!

1. *Medicines For Husbands

New medicines for men created by women scientists awaiting FDA approval…

ANIVERSIA:  Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries…

SLIMOXIL:  Widens male cornea making wives appear slim…

SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word “Sports” on TV…

WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores…

SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently…

FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by.

VERYTASTYMYCIN: Husband always praises wife’s cooking.

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P***** was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, a young, recent  medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, “Go home, Lie down on your tummy, Open your ass wide, And ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass”.

“What???” said P****

The doctor repeated patiently, “Go home. Lie down on your tummy. Open your ass wide. And ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass”.

The headache was really killing him, so P****went home and, very septically, tried out what the doctor told him. And guess what, the headache vanished!

So P**** goes running back to the Doc, and says “Doctor, doctor, where did you learn this amazing cure?”

And the  Doctor replies modestly, “Oh that’s  nothing. They taught us this on our very first day in medical school”.

“Really?” says P****, “This is what they taught you in medical school?”

“Yes, of course. They said for a headache you should always prescribe ‘Anal-gin’”.

So now the Brickfields Gunners in association with the Medical Division of UA presents  new discoveries  , treatments and medications for the all that ails ‘them’ !


AKBEXIST      –  A very rare but  pure and naturally  occurring hormonal compound found in a very small proportion  of the population . It is characterised  and demonstrated in those persons  by their higher than normal  IQs,  their knowledge  depth,  higher education levels, genuine  passion and  greater positivity, and overall is found in those in the higher percentile of personal success and achievement .

It is believed that a latent form does exists and can only be released from within.  Somewhat likened to the ‘opening of the third eye ‘.  Among that which prevents its release is ignorance and themism – a  warped belief that certain fools hold the key to success.

So far no synthetic or chemical replication  and isolation of this fascinating compound has been successful, but the Medical Division of UA is working  hard on an inhaled  or spray form, so that one day everyone can  experience what AKBs  seem to be high on!

A customer walked into my pharmacy asking for a particular nasal spray. “You know, that brand is very addictive,” I warned her. “If it’s used for a prolonged period of time, your congestion can come back worse than before, prompting even further use.”

“That’s ridiculous,” scoffed the woman. “I’ve been using it every day for years.”


1. BANNER-RID –  Suppresses  the inane urge to make, print and distribute those  stupid  “Arsene Wenger out”, “Spend some fucking money”,  “Enough is enough” , and  “Time to go” and such  banners and posters . It is a suppository, and is introduced anally . Why ? Why not ?

My neighbour’s boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. After failing to divine some deep, hidden meaning, I asked him how he came up with the name. He answered, “My wife works for a proctologist.”

2. CLEARERSTIL  EYE  DROPS  –   Opens the eyes  and clears vision of any and all  hindrances, mental cataracts,  short sightedness, narrow mindedness  and myopia. It not only induces clarity of vision, thought and far sightedness, but also  gives a sense of general well being and confidence.

Carrots ?  Yes , sure they do help;  have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

3. EUPHORIC  – This is a pre-game picker upper pill. Confidence and positivity will flow through your veins, as you watch your team try their very best in games. Your senses are heightened as you are able to see clearly the passion, the beauty and the movements of the players and the team play  in general. The urge to boo or to put up posters , or listen to ‘them’  types or read ‘them’  sites are also very much  diminished .

Just don’t give them to grandma  –  ” Hey grandma, haven’t you seen my  tabs? ”

Grandma replies: “Forget those tabs. Have you seen that dragon in the kitchen? ”

4. SMARTAID   – Hailed to be the new breakthrough  in developing healthy brains  and  positive thinking and in the process stop or slow down the dreaded effects and complications of stupidity and imbecility. Studies show that progress will vary with each patient, and that most encouraging results were found in those who were not too overtly exposed to ‘them’ .

We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, “You have a cute baby.”

Smiling, I said, “I bet you say that to all new parents.”

“No,” he replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”

“So what do you say to the others?” I asked.

“He looks just like you.”

5. STUPIDEXIT –   While still in the trial stage, it has nonetheless shown much promise with the concurrent use of Smartaid, counselling and with the regular evacuation of clogged bowels with  the milder Brooklax chocolate, Bisacodyl or Dulcolax  to Castor Oil in  the more severe cases. This combination with lighten your load in more ways than one !

Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient.

“Well,” the director said, “we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub.”

“I get it,” the visitor said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s the biggest.”

“No,” the director said. “A normal person would pull the plug.”

6.REVERSEILL – The treatment of choice for Fillurarses – the sudden rush of shit to the brains. Once the number of case reported  were thought to be slowly dwindling with education and knowledge, but now seems to be rampant and making a comeback. Apparently education and logic were gradually dispensed with , and replaced by misinformation and lies.

Once it was the butt of jokes of politicians –  remember this ? Said the surgeon, ” Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.”

I hope that this has been in some way or other  beneficial to you, the regular readers of UA .  To most it would have made you smile or chuckle . To others, it may have pissed you off. Both reactions are not unexpected. Do show your approval by clicking the buttons .

Cheers !
The Brickfields Gunners

40 comments to Latest Medical Discoveries and Treatments for “them”

  • Wengers Warriors

    I don’t understand why you would allow an article like this on your site? I understand it’s tongue in cheek but I am one of the people who was sceptical about the support you give to Arsenal and Arsene! However through reading your analysis and some excellent comments by fans who stick by the club no matter what I have changed my opinion! And through your well researched blogs I am no longer in the AAA camp and now in the AKB! Untold helped me to change my view! But then I read a post like this and I think of all the others who like we needed convincing and I see all the good work you do thrown away and the fans who could be changed, frightened off by being called idiots or lacking the IQ! You posted a few days ago how you don’t think you have changed anyone’s mind! Well you changed mine!! Please don’t let posts like this stop you from changing others also

  • Leon

    Wenger’s Warriors
    You’ll get used to it.
    Unfortunately this fool’s been given carte blanche to crap all over this excellent blog.
    And he’ll beg for approval and cry if he gets any dislikes.
    Untold could do so much better.

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    From the last posting and your comment, who would you say is faster in pace or is more pacy between Mertesacker and Chambers? I don’t know, but I want to imagine it should be Chambers because he’s still young and should be up to speed better that Mertesacker alias the Rhino, who is the older of the two.

    Chambers is a versatile player or is a utility player who can play as centre- back, right-back and as a defensive midfielder. These 3 attributes he has should make him an invaluable asset in the Arsenal squad in my opinion. And he can also come forward and score goals too. And that’s important. For his lack of pace, If Mertesacker can still be playing for Arsenal, I see no reason why Chambers who should be faster than Mert not play for Arsenal on regular basis depending on a particular game the Boss feels it will suit his style playing best.

  • Wengers Warriors

    I have to say Leon I was really shocked to read this! I have spent a few weeks going back over the posts on this site and was so excited by the amount of research and the fresh way and approach it completely changed my outlook and how I viewed Arsenal. Then this??? It’s a strange one! Tony Walter and Andrew post some really good articles and this is so far away from the quality I have come to expect.

    I understand coming from the AAA side that the division is for all to see and shouting Wenger out or spend some money doesn’t help any situation but they are entitled to their opinion and it doesn’t make them any less fans of Arsenal! They just have a difference of opinion, and it took untold for me to see that the opinions I had were not based in fact but more in emotion. However that doesn’t make them idiots or people with low IQs! Just fans who are lead by emotion and fear!

  • Gord

    Nobody is forcing you to read all the articles. Now that you have read one article by Brickfields and found you don’t like it, don’t read any more. It’s as simple as that.

    When Arsenal loses, we quite often get swamped by the aaa. One thing that seems to deflect some of this barrage, is humour. And Brickfields is a large source of that.

  • Gord

    If you happen to have your own web domain, and hence find it easy to generate email addresses and source ports for TCP/IP connections, don’t use it to generate many likes or dislikes. It seems like that this ends up in the logs of this site, and you may find yourself under curfew.

  • OlegYch

    hahaha, amazing Brickfields strikes again! this and the comments cheered me up a bit after a long workday

  • OlegYch

    the wengers warriors character is a bit boring though

  • bushido

    in todays internet age, many people appeared to be so sensitive and those sensitive person turn out to be the most hypocrite also. some of them are just visitor and commentator but they act like they own this website and try to dictate what can and can’t be post on UA. if some post is not quite their liking they start to feel butthurt so much and some even create another account to make himself look credible and to talk bad about others. funny when a fraud calling people fool’s.

  • omgarsenal

    Wenger’s warriors and Leon, are you dating?

  • Wengers Warriors

    oh well if OlegYch says I am boring I must immediately go and get a personality! But then again it must be tiring work asking people if they would like fries with your meal all day! So I am glad you field cheered up

  • Wengers Warriors

    Bushido I played for Arsenal for 6 years so I feel far more qualified to discuss them and deserve a little more respect than to be called a fraud

  • Wengers Warriors

    Now now OMG don’t start getting jealous! Me and Leon are not exclusively dating so you always have a chance pretty boy!

  • Leon

    Wengers Warriors
    I think bushido is referring to me with the fraud accusation. He’s been trolling me like this for a while now, but I just ignore it. He’s another of the many envious distance supporters here.
    The other one omgarsenal is a smart arse Canadian ex referee who sometimes writes a decent article, but likes to also be the policeman of the blog.

  • OlegYch

    a fraud? perhaps not
    a very incoherent individual with a lot of energy – sure
    but anyway, keep it coming

  • bushido

    yup, when u been visiting this site just for a couple weeks but then suddenly keep telling people u are regular on this site since wearing nappy. got no time to troll u’ i call it as i saw it, maybe should call u dishonest or snake tongue is more proper’ is it Leon.

  • Florian

    Wengers Warriors,

    Your commitment and support for Arsenal is commendable, particularly since you managed to flip the switch and get to the light. Now, it’s ok to not have a sense of humor. But at least be wise and let us the joking ones have a go at the dim reality.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    It has been quite difficult to get on here today . Must be that millions of AKBs are flocking on here to read this article . And all that clicking of the LIKE buttons has triggered a short circuit .
    There can’t be any other reasons , could there ?
    Had posted a lengthy reply to the above posters but it got swallowed up .

  • para

    One thing i have wondered is why are people so fixated on asses? Especially Americans? And as with all things US, everyone else starts to use it in their language too.

    “have your ass”, “your ass is mine”, and all the other phrases using ass or another word meaning the same, like butt.

    The whole language is riddled with these sort of phrases. Never really quite understood it until the homo agenda rolled out across the world. Then ahhhh!.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Wengers Warriors,
    If you would take the time to go back to the first of the more than 6473 articles on Untold then you would notice that humour was one of the things that was present from the start.
    In fact I think it was just that that got me hooked on Untold in the first place. Finally a place where we could and would laugh and cry without any problem.

    But these days even daring to make a joke is seen as blasphemy by some Arsenal supporters. Cheer up and enjoy live. It’s over before you know it and then… well we will see then…

    Brickfields is our Monty Python. And I loved Monty Python and the members and what they did after that also. And if he would be living in my neighborhood I would go to him whenever I am sick (which is not very often fortunately) as I think that you can do more for a patient when you use humour than just give them some pills.

    But if you really cannot stand them, then just skip his articles. It is easy as we usually put the autor his name at the top of the article

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Anyway , since we are back on line , I took notice that there are a couple of people on here , who may require a stat bolus cocktail of all the above medications suggested primly for ‘them’ – such is the severity of their symptoms .
    It may have to be give anally as they being primarily anal retentives , it should be able to stay there. And may be soothing too.
    Anything given orally will be certainly upchucked as the are having verbal diarrhea .

    Just imagine the riot that I could cause if I had written about not needing any WC CFs or WC CBs ! But I hear that an England WC goalkeeper could be available as his club don’t seem to want him . Any takers , or some more dithering ?

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Walter , don’t worry , I’ve found you to be the sanest person on Untold Arsenal ! Just don’t waste your time with ‘them’ pests . Then you’ll also be one of the happiest too !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Reporter : ” Your secretary has said publicly that you have a small penis . Would you care to comment on this ?”

    Man : ” Well , the truth is that she has a big mouth !”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ para – August 24, 2016 at 7:02 am – I assume that after this year’s US presidential elections you may hear the term being used more frequently , and not as a term of endearment !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    A Presidenial Candidate is on a field trip visiting a sausage factory.

    The owner proudly explains the level of automation…

    “You just need to push the pig inside. The machine does all the work…
    Lo, you have the sausage come out.”

    PC : “I want to make ( fill in name of country ) great again! Is it possible to push the sausage in, and the pig comes out…?”

    Factory owner: “Yes it is possible. Your father tried it years ago, and he succeeded….,”


  • Brickfields Gunners

    Difficult to Understand This Business Model …? Or not !

    Cigarette Companies Kill Their Best Customers .


    Condom Companies Kill Their Future Customers .

    And alleged Arsenal ‘fans’ try and kill off their club ?

  • Justin Chinedu

    Brickfields Gunners, you get my day rolling. Untold Arsenal is the best for us.
    gunners, a little will do no harm. laugh at the press, laugh at the pundits; oh i forgot “He did not cost 55 million, so he is not good”

  • ARSENAL 13

    hahahahhaha brickfields,

    More from you please. Alas, some people cant handle a little humor.

    Sorry Brickfields, some jokes here are too good to leave it here.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    *Good news for the elderly, and others …..

    I am an elderly person. At this old age one do experienced many types of illnesses. But the one I worried most is Alzheimer’s.

    Not only I cannot look after myself but it causes a lot of inconveinences to other members in my family.

    One day, my child came home and told me that a doctor friend has taught him an exercise using the tongue. The tongue exercise is effective to reduce the onset of Alzheimer’s and is also useful to reduce / improve

    *1* Body weight
    *2* Hypertension
    *3* Blood-Clot in Brain
    *4* Asthma
    *5* Far-sightedness
    *6* Ear buzzing
    *7* Throat infection
    *8* Shoulder / Neck infection
    *9* Insomia

    My child showed and taught me the moves which are very simple and easy to learn.

    Each morning when you wash your face infront of a mirror, begin with the exercise as below :

    *Stick out your tongue and move it to the right then to the left for 10 times*

    Only that since I started exercising my tongue daily and within a year there was improvement in my brain retention. My mind was clear and fresh and there were improvements too ….

    *1* far sightedness
    *2* giddiness
    *3* improve wellness
    *4* digestion and absorption
    *5* flu / cold

    All the past problems which I feared has lessened tremendously.

    Sicknesses to my body reduced too and I am stronger and more agile.


    Tongue exercise helps to control and prevent Alzheimer’s …. It has its foundation / base from:

    Medical research has found that the tongue has connection with the big brain. When our body becomes old and weak, first sign to appear is our tongue becomes stiff and often we tend to bite ourselves.

    Frequently exercising your tongue will stimulate the brain, helps to reduce our thoughts from shrinking and thus achieve a healthier body.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    An Eastern European man went for a medical check up . The doctor showed him some letters on a eye chart .

    C Z W X N Q S T A Z K Y

    Doctor : ” Can you read this ? ”
    Man :” Read it ? Why , I even know the guy …he’s my cousin !”

    Walter and guys , I bet this is the player that AW is going to sign soon !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Guess what happened next to Dad after he received this letter ? Did he tell Jack off ?

    Hullo Dad ,

    I did not tell Mummy that you kissed her friend Noreen at the Birthday party. I didn’t even tell her that you slept with her in you bed.
    Anyway , you should thank Mummy because she helped me to write this letter.

    Your good boy ,


  • Brickfields Gunners


    To all of you who approaching 60 or have REACHED 60 and past, this is specially for you…

    YES, AIDS…


    Not forgetting HIV
    (Hair is Vanishing)


    Its good to see you smile and do pass it on to others, so that they can smile too! ??

  • Gord

    Brickfields @5:01

    Do you know who that “man” is? It’s obviously our own Wojciech Szczęsny.

    Bummer about them (Roma) getting punted out of ECL by Porto.

  • Gord

    In the news, Sky Sports has: “What do Arsenal need before the transfer deadline?”

    The answer? Not a transfer, that’s for sure. No, what Arsenal needs is fair coverage in the media.

    ESPN says: “Arsenal are too reliant on unwanted stars”.

    Yes, no matter who Arsenal sign, the media works to make them unwanted. Hence, all stars at Arsenal are unwanted stars. And we do have to rely on them.

    Part of a headline from Telegraph: “Arsenal transfer news: Villarreal’s Mateo Musacchio on shortlist”. Well of course all these people are on a short list. Everybody at Telegraph think s that people under 7 feet tall are short. Hence, they are on a shortlist.

    The Express is babbling about a list of short people as well.

    CaughtOffside blog has to join in: “Arsenal move step closer”. In the course of a game, all the players (except possibly the goaltender) at some time take a step in every direction. Hence, no matter what direction the medja are talking about, at some point Arsenal took a step in that direction. It doesn’t mean a darned thing towards transfer.

    Evening Standard is obviously deluded with this headline fragment: “Gerard Pique tells Arsenal fan Piers Morgan”. Piers Morgan is _NOT_ an Arsenal fan. Piers Morgan is only a fan of Piers Morgan. He happens to be a minor shareholder of Arsenal, and is most definitely a PITA.

  • Gord

    OT: Females in Male sports

    I think Andrew and Walter think highly of a certain female linesperson.

    I ran across a news article, where the NHL (icehockey) Phoenix (Arizona?) Coyotes have hired a female coach. Apparently first time in many respects. Congratulations and best of luck Dawn Braid!

  • Gord

    I had seen an article at about Forest being our opponent in the EFL Cup. I’m sorry, what the heck is the EFL Cup? Is this the League Cup with a new name, that no article can explain?

    In any event, Nottingham seems to be happy to draw Arsenal.

    Former Gunner Henri Lansbury seems happy about it. Among other things, Lansbury seems to be a pretty good goalkeeper.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    ~ Sunday Morning Sex ~

    Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

    Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

    If you did not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed, make a doctor’s appointment.

    I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.

  • Gord

    Ding/dong. 🙂

    One of the older sales organizations for ordinary poeople to sell products to neighbours in Canada is Avon. I have no idea how widespread it is in the world.

    Q: What lies in the ditch and goes ding dong?
    A: A wounded Avon lady.

    But, speeding things up, reminds me of a POP song called Popcorn, by a group called Hot Butter. I thought the original was classical, but speeded up. Wikipedia says I am misinformed.

  • Yep the EFL Cup is the League Cup.