by Tony Attwood
I seem of late to have annoyed more people than usual with my occasional ramblings on this site, so I guess there might be a little bit of pleasure dished into the lives of one or two people when I report that tomorrow (Friday) I am toddling off to foreign parts; to be precise Australia.
Very long term advocates of Untold will know I’ve done this a few times before, the purpose of the adventure being to visit my youngest daughter who has made that country her home.
Thus I have been practising standing on my head (no change there) and am ready to venture into the land of upside down.
However, as ever, Untold will not stop. Walter will take over the role of publisher and guru in chief, and our regular contributors will still be here. I’m also hoping that by clever use of smoke signals, semaphore and a very long ladder I might be able to contribute the occasional item for your delectation or annoyance, depending on your point of view.
So I don’t want any misbehaviour while I am away, and I shall be asking for a full report from Walter to make sure there has been no monkey business in my absence.
It will of course be the height of summer in Oz while I am there, and it will, I must admit, be difficult to leave the land where the sun sets almost before its risen, but somehow I will be brave and cope. I am told there are one or two beers of choice out there as well, and I might be tempted to try one.
To be slightly more serious for once, I have dropped Walter in a bit of a hole this weekend since he has a big Arsenal Belgium meeting, and what with him being the President and a famous TV personality these days, it is something he has to do. I suspect big speeches will be made.
Thus the post-match instant Walter review of the game won’t be quite as instant as it has been on some occasions. Apologies for that, totally my fault for being seven miles up in the air while the game against Chelsea is played.
Also the regular “on this day” service on the home page might not always be there – and indeed it certainly won’t be there for a few days. But if you want to keep up with the latest you can find all of February’s stories which are the source for the home page information on the Anniversary Files on the Arsenal History Society site. Indeed if you have never ventured to the Arsenal History Society site, might I suggest you might take a look? Here’s the home page.
To the aaa my message is, as always, try smiling while you watch football, you’ll find it quite uplifting. To everyone else, simply thank you for being part of this community.
I shall return in three weeks, immigration, emigration and all the other grations permitting.
Tony.
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Have a safe flight to the land of upside down under. And back of course.
Where do the airplanes start flying on their head… a question I have never seen answered before in fact….
have a nice trip, Andy
sorry, Tony 🙂
Safe journey sir Tony.
Have nice break Tony.
Having lived in Oz for 30 odd years, before returning to these shores, I’m sure you won’t be feeling guilty about enjoying the 40 plus temperatures, the occasional tropical storm, and the chance to try some of their tasty sea food.
In the spirit of true blue Aussies, I’ll give a traditional farewell.
tara
Have a good one mate
Bon voyage………….
bon voyage. Have a great time.
#WalterOut
Have a pleasant time in the Aussies Chief Tony.
have a great trip
Tony,
You are leaving the Motherland a week too early. Arsenal have just lost at home when favourites to win. Historically, you should be reminded that we will gain 3 points on Saturday when we meet the League leaders on their patch and are NOT tipped to win. 😉
Have a great trip to Australia Tony and I hope you find your family well. Somewhere I really want to visit myself in the not too distant future.
Of course if Arsenal win all their games while you are away we will have ask the customs not to let you back!!!!
So no more Amy bashing for a few weeks then!
A rare relief.
Enjoy your trip.
Have fun
I get it Tony, your secret goal is to spend two summers in the same year. May the Aussies grant your wish, and you be back in better shape than when you left. And, by all accounts avoid the pesky crocodiles.
Bob voyage , Tony . Have a great time with the family and friends . Have e-mail you an article , hope you have received it . You may have missed it being busu with packing and all.
Could always use it here on a quiet day , especially when Arsenal win !
Am also sure that it will rile and offend quite a few of ‘them ‘. Too bad !
And in the same vein ….
A Beautiful woman went to the doctor and told him, “My boobs are very small, what can I do? ”
He said, “It’s ok, come here every day for a week . I will suck your boobs for three hours each day, and then they will be of a good size.”
She said, “Ok, I will bring my husband also with me because his penis is small as well!”
THE SMART COMPUTER –
One of ‘them’ said , “My elbow really hurts. I guess I really should go see a
doctor.”
His friend said “Don’t be silly. There’s computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and much cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.”
So the guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read –
‘ You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.’
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.? The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:-
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter is getting’ screwed by three guys at the same time and has an urinary tract infection. Start her on a suitable Antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And you fool , If you don’t stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better!
Fare well my Breda,if possible could you also go with Trump-et for those weeks so that the world gets a breather.@_Brick fields Gunners I’m reporting you to the police for making my day. You Rock.
Australia, a place where i would not want to go now. When i was interested, they did not want me there, now i don’t want to go there. 🙁
Mind you i don’t even want to be where i am now, but that’s another story.
Tony:
Are you sure that it’s upside down? There are those who do think its just flatness. 🙂
@ Kampala Gun – 03/02/2017 at 5:22 am – I would rather you say a daily prayer to God to have a special place for me in Arsenal Heaven ! And hopefully it will be in quite a few more years time .
Ask him also to keep ‘them’ as far away from me as possible .I think that they will be in that hotter place , but you never truly know till you get there !
Travel safe Tony, and have a good time.
Safe trip Tony – teach them Sheilas to jive UK style.
Many thanks everyone. Appreciate the good wishes.
Safe journey Tony.
Safe journey Tony and enjoy your time with Heather out there.
Tony, have a safe journey and a great time with your daughter. Hope you wake up to good news about Arsenal’s overnight results.
Well, that was bad timing. Just as the government finally announce that they plan to take a vote of No Confidence in the FA, too.
It seems the self revered organisation is ready to take a hit on government funding (£30 million a year), which means that their pledge to grass roots football in this country will collapse.
However, it also probably means that the FA won’t be answerable to the Dept of Media, Culture and Sport any more, and therefore, any enquiry into corruption, will not be possible.
I’ll be keeping my eye on this development, because you can bet your life, the mainstream media won’t be demanding answers of the FA.
Have fun!
Safe journey Tony, can u take Arsene with you, must be bushwhacked Utd or someone over there who would take him?
Enjoy your trip