By Sir Hardly Anyone
Having established that fewer than three in every 100 transfer stories about Arsenal actually come to pass (and those generally only emerge as the player really has travelled to London for a medical) we all thought it would be a jolly jape to see what the fake news industry (which of course started in football, long before it became a preoccupation of President Trump) does when not inventing transfers.
Winner of this first round up must be the headline in Just Arsenal which reads “Will Barca block Wenger’s Arsenal exit?” If that bemuses you, then you’re with us because we couldn’t work it out either. But in essence it goes like this.
Barcelona want Massimiliano Allegri from Juventus as their new manager now their current man has been officially registered as a disaster. But Arsenal also want him, and he’s ready to leave.
What is not said is that Allegri in Italian translates as Merry, so maybe he is having a joke, although to musicians versed in the classical romantic tradition the word also means fast.
Now of course talk of such matters leads to the re-writing of history by removing FA Cup wins as trophies (although league cup wins by Man U are counted). That is standard policy, but the bloggetta Just Arsenal has now gone a stage further by writing “Arsenal have not won a league title since the infamous ‘Invincibles’ season back in 2004.”
This indeed a new approach to re-writing the club’s history, and one that will take boggettering up to a new level of insanity. (Just in case you were as perplexed as we were by this, we checked with Google on the meaning of “infamous” and indeed is does mean abominable, outrageous, shocking, shameful, disgraceful, dishonourable, discreditable, unworthy, unprincipled, unscrupulous monstrous, atrocious, appalling, dreadful, terrible, heinous, detestable, disgusting, loathsome, hateful, wicked, vile, base, unspeakable, unforgivable, iniquitous, criminal, odious, nefarious, scandalous; filthy, low-down… you get the idea.
Another interesting concept is that it is Arsene Wenger who would have to give “his seal of approval, like Sir Alex Ferguson gave to David Moyes on his exit from Manchester United”. That is fascinating since it means that if the successor performs as well as David Moyes Mr Wenger could be blamed for that.
Next up we have that old reprobate G Souness, the guy who when at Southampton was conned Aly Dia in November 1996 into being given a first team game as a sub without actually having a trial (on the grounds of being George Weah’s cousin).
Most people to whom something like that happened would hide in the bathroom forever more, but no. Souness has got a fixation on the name, for having been bamboozled by Aly Dia he is now flummoxed by Deli Ali who rightly got sent off for a disgraceful Tottenham style tackle recently.
Souness said of this disgraceful tackle, that it was “one of the reasons he could become a top player. Alli has a bit of devil in him, an edge that most top players possess… if I was his manager, I would be quietly saying to myself: ‘Thank goodness he has got that in him’.”
But Souness is quite clear that only people whose names sound like Aly Dia (forwards or backwards) get his thumbs up made it quite clear that he did not like Xhaka’s tackle that got him sent off. He used phrases like “exploding head” in the context.
So there we have the solution. If Granit changes his name to Aly, or Delly, or Dia or Deli or something like that, the Sounessian manifestation of oddness personified could really like the guy.
Moving on, having suggested that because Mr Wenger is about to leave Arsenal Hector Bellerin is going to trot off as well, it has now been revealed by no less an authority than the Daily Star that… well let me give you headline so you can work it out.
“Arsenal star in U-turn over Barcelona switch: Premier League giants cleared to sign him”
Just days after claiming Bellerin is returning to Barcelona” Hector has realised that he “Doesnt want to make the Cesc mistake of going back to Barceolna”. So he is going off to a club that clearly is above Arsenal in the pecking order. Manchester City. Because Manchester City have Pep. The man who refused to push him through to the first team… at Barcelona.
If you can make sense of that, then maybe you should be working alongside Souness. But best to change your name first. As one publication put it, “More significantly, City have tended to poach some of the Gunners’ best players in years gone by, including Samir Nasri, Emmanuel Adebayor…”
Well, up to a point.
Elsewhere we have the news that the little media have discovered “Two players responsible for Arsenal’s failure”. And according to the authoritative Football Transfer Tavern it is Xhaka and Ozil. But others don’t agree arguing that Ozil still has a role to play for Arsenal by agreeing to a new contract. As Pain in the Arsenal puts it “Mesut Ozil Can Be Hero Of The Season Still Yet.” And once you have got your head round what “Still Yet” actually means you may ask “how?”
Well, of course, by getting Alexis to stay because he stays if Ozil stays.
Elsewhere it seems that years of slog by Untold have now made the breakthrough as the authoritative Goonerholic runs the headline “Please Let German Video Referee Trial Lead To Improved Officiating” after the league cup refereeing error. Nice to know we are noticed.
Some articles don’t even need to be written of course such as the one from Football Insider which is headlined Piers Morgan delivers Arsenal verdict on Wenger, compares with Mourinho.
Meanwhile back in the world of contradictions, the Sun says that clubs are lining up to take the out of favour Arsenal striker Perez – a bit of a turnaround from last summer’s story in which Arsenal were told they desperately needed a striker. The problem for the media is that they find it hard to admit that Arsenal are the league’s top scorers having run all those “desperate” stories.
What makes this one odd is that Goal.com is currently running Perez ‘really comfortable’ after settling at Arsenal. But the Metro says that the main problem is that “Arsenal will struggle to make a profit on the deal.”
One story still doing the rounds is that “Massive blow for Arsenal as star posts worrying injury update” – that from Arsenal’s Mohamed Elneny Steps Up Recovery From Ankle Injury… With a Vigorous Rope Workout.
Back to the manager Football London asks, Could former Arsenal star Giovanni Van Bronckhorst be a shock contender to replace Wenger? While the Metro tells us “Ronald Koeman insists Everton can still secure Champions League place”
Ah well. Best let them get on with it I suppose.
Arsenal History Books on Kindle
The novel “Making the Arsenal” by Tony Attwood which describes the events of 1910, which created the modern Arsenal FC, is now available for the first time on Kindle. Full details are here.
Also available on Kindle, “Woolwich Arsenal: the club that changed football” the only comprehensive history of the rise of Arsenal as a league club, and the attempts to destroy the club, from within and without. For full details please see here.
That’s 3 articles on the bounce about the media.
Surely time for a Ref Review?
When push comes to shove……
A husband and wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who in the hell was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “She’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough. I want a divorce!”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage, and no more yacht club. Not only that, but no more diamonds, no more credit card, and large bank account.”
“But, he said, “The decision is all yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with Bobby?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says the husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies !
Ibrahimavic says (if you can make sense of it)….
“There are other clubs that didn’t win for ten years. I’ve won what they won in ten years, so I’m happy with that.”
I can only guess as to whom the ‘other club’ is that he is referring to. Not Arsenal surely? Why would he say that, has he been brainwashed by Maureen.
Anyway if he is counting the Community shield as a trophy then we have actually won four not two in the last whatever years.
Mick
Perhaps he was talking about Tottenham?
Liverpool?
Untold are lucky to have such erudite trolls as to question the content of broadcasters who spend billions of pounds on the league yet can’t find a plundit who isn’t modelling their career upon Alan Partridge between them.
Or why it’s taken thirty years for people to work out how to use the broadcasters video replay button.
Not as if events like yesterday’s final have been reduced farce is it?
I suppose all these football fans on this blog calling out the pgMOB must be biased (in favour of Southampton).
Germany (4-1), Uruguay, Costa Rica, Iceland.
The record of achievement of Riley. Not a downward curve, nope not at all! Lol!
Ibrahimovic is not the brightest apple in the bunch, is he? Maybe, he’s referring to the about 16 other clubs in the EPL, other than those that have won stuff in the last 10 years; or the over 100 other professional clubs in the U.K.
The real problem is how the media have typically, twisted his words to make out like he was “taking a swipe” at Liverpool and Arsenal, failing to note that the League cup doesn’t count as a major trophy.
Suddenly, even the charity shield now counts as a trophy, eh. The contradictions of the English press.
Considering the battering our club and players we get from the media, where a non event turns to a crisis situation, it is a wonder the team keeps competing each year and the manager remains focused through it all. Some will say “so what? They get paid richly”, but this is not about wages and the whole money thing. They are human and can get affected by all the stories of a crumbling side which differs from what is evident by the league table which shows we remain amongst a chasing pack who don’t get the kind of scrutiny Arsenal receive. The keenness to do the French man in must be a motivating factor. When Wenger does leave, as he soon will, anyway, I wonder who the next scapegoat will be.
I doff my hat to the players and manager for keeping their heads up through all of the flak. What we need now is for them to fight back and shame detractors.
Mour has been unusually quite after the cup final, wonder why that is
how come none of the media asked him if ‘he was lucky to win this match’?
Though I am miffed, flabbergasted nd consternated about it all at d same tym; I wish to enjoin AW nd d team to close ranks nd use all the negatives flying all over d media nd bloggs as motivation to hve a gud run in to d league, nd go for d F A Cup wit full alert , nd trash Bayern at d EMS ; I kno on a gud day dis is achievable by our players. I must commend Arsene nd Arsenal for. Ignoring all d pilloring nd frustrating situation dey hve consistently had to contend wit-media, PGMOB, bloggs et al on a continuous basis, Arsenal Club, manager, staff n players nd real fans must be frm outer world to be fighting on as depicted on PL Table;my sincere prayer is for us to win d FA cup, thrash Bayern nd end d season among top 4 in d league nd shame all our detractors; Tanx to all UT crew nd commentators for ur unflichiing support nd dedication to d noble cause of great Arsenal , we shall overcome, it is well!
Shalom.
Tommo
Looks like it’s your turn now.
Best of luck with that.
Take a tip, ignore him. Just typical trolling.
Is that an offer to write a ref review of the league cup final, or do you not have the footballs required to provide a credible defence of the pgMOB?
I think everybody knows the answer.
The spuds are a cross between the Leeds teams of the early seventies and the Wimbledon sides of the 80’s without the ability to really win anything.Their game is built with always playing on the edge of what’s legal,they never look look like getting a hiding from better footballing sides yet look barely better than most lower league outfits.Their game is built on press,press,press,go down easy at the slightest touch,rotational fouling and playing for set plays which they seem better converting than anybody else at the moment.
“infamous”
That truly sums it up how they think of Arsenal!
Sou(r)ness is what i think when i see the guy. He gave TH a right ribbing on camera live on sky and no one “seemed” to notice at the time or after. He obviously has a lot of clout at sky.
Ah, and Sir, we really know why you write these articles don’t we? 🙂 You just can’t resist like many of us to “casually” glance over them.
OT: http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/20170227/jonker-named-head-coach-at-wolfsburg
Someone really does have a bee in their bonnet about England?
I think just 2 semi finals in the last 50 years shows that England have been pretty much awful throughout. Years of not qualifying for tournaments, going out in the group stages, or progressing and then going out against the first half decent team they play (sound familiar?).
England have never even won a knockout game in a Euros on foreign soil.
So what this downward curve is all about, and obsession with England being cr@p because of Spurs players is beyond me.
Oh hang on, Finsbury has backtracked. Its not Spurs fault now. Its now Riley’s fault we’ve been cr@p. Is that for the full 50 years or just the last 20 desolate years.
I never knew Riley played for England either?
@Tommo,
Of course….It’s Riley’s fault…When legitimate goals are not given…When fouls are not given… Letting opponents nibble (isn’t it the favorite word of the media) at you all game resulting in excessive wear on players body resulting in injuries or reduced performance….
It is referees fault….When making fouls is considered to be the levelling of playing field, and not the improvements in quality…
You may like to ignore it, but crap refereeing will eventually drag the quality of players down.
Good article, Sir Hardly. I laughed at a few things, but especially ‘infamous’.
Backtracked? Sure if you want to insist
It’s not like there are seven years worth of ref reviews upon this site!
Have you thought of a career in stand up?
Whip out your jingo bells in all their glory if you like for all to see, not a good look. It it takes all sorts I guess. my support of grassroots footballl in England is well known and chronicled by those who count. Or those who can count!
I take it that the answer regarding the ref review for the final yesterday is: No. Well. We are all surprised by that answer! Must be because we are all so biased in favour of Southampton.
Carry On.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/England_national_football_team_results_%E2%80%93_2000s
You can start with the 4-1 defeat against Germany and end with the defeat against Iceland.
Previously we were being kind by not going back past 2014, no one likes to remember such humiliation, but some appear to have a hankering for consistent sado masochistic behaviour.
By the way, for people who like a laugh, just read Ray Parlour’s memoir ‘The Romford Pele’. It was in the pack of presents for red members. Thoroughly enjoyable, and not a bad word for Arsene, although along with a lot of deserved praise, he does tell some amusing stories about him.
It seems our manager’s mind is sometimes not on mundane tasks – probably thinking about something more important, like winning football matches. The best one was when he didn’t notice he’d dropped his apple pie and arrived at the table with an empty plate. His response was, ‘Ah well, I’ll just have a coffee.’
Another good story is when Kolo Toure had his trial and being keen to show how keen he was took out Thierry Henry, Dennis Bergkamp and finally the manager himself. With an ice pack on his ankle Arsene said he liked his eagerness and was going to sign him tomorrow. Kolo was a great player for us for years.
Al
These Experts are defenders of the National Game don’t you know! Clearly they know their football for all to see! And they are minded to preserve he purity of our precious bodily fluids: someone has to do it!
Just be happy they haven’t accused us of being foreign fans who don’t go to the stadium, fortunately I managed to accidently pick a name to pre empty that gummy bear attack meme from these Experts who’ve been trolling AFC blogs for so many years with such great success!!!!
Never mind the pgMOB it was watching the humiliation against Germany with a bunch football coaches and their comments on the FA that prompted me to ask Tony to do some research on the lack of investment in kids in the sport. Apparently wanting better refs and coaches makes me against English football.
With maniacs like these there is palpably no Reason left.
Perhaps they’ve had a lobotomy?
Sounds familiar to the Arsenal model during the austerity period.
http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/sport/2017/02/so-much-table-never-lies-data-unravels-footballs-biggest-lie-all
Despite the strong competition for the role of the regular pundit who talks the most nonsense, Souness is in a class of his own, with his standard dogmatic pronouncements and all his contradictory “wisdom”.
When he next starts pronouncing on Arsene Wenger’s shortcomings, remember that he proved himself to be a complete failure in all his managerial roles (although he psent longer proving it than either Shearer or Neville)
Souness and his media colleagues are just part of a wider concern….which includes the PGMOL, who seem hell bent on keeping English football in the stone age.
As for Riley, since his arrival…doesnt look much like refereeing standards are improving, there are nowhere near as many top flight refs as the PGMOL promised when they were formed, referees -current and ex complain of a lack of support from him, he is a terrible communicator….so exactly why is this man head of the referees? certainly not on ability, or communication skills, but maybe down to a certain game played at Old Trafford…
The link above on stats which helpfully explains how modern football uses stats and data also explains why the troll goes silent when we ask it to produce it’s own data, or worse completely avoids the collected data going back several years when asked to explain their critique of said data going back several years.
Fantastic trolling, don’t give up the day job! Or apply for work at Brentford FC…LOL!
Bit unfair to associate Goonerholic with clickbait blogs. It’s a proper blog, and listed in the Highbury Library, as is UA.
Tommo
re my 11.16
See what I mean!
Jonker (and Ljungberg) off to Wolfsburg.
Jonker was at Wolfsburg before as an assistant, and he has now taken over the top position there (according to the medja and Arsenal). Apparently Ljungberg will be leaving with him.
Best of luck at Wolfsburg!
Who replaces these people here?
Oh, former Arsenal physio had left to go to England, is temporarily back with the Ladies team.
It appears as if the indvidual who has lot of objections about Untold articles and also the comments would be happier on the racist & discredited Le Groan rag.
It was almost too easy to set the troll up for the:
“you hate english football” gibberish which is usually then superceeded by the attacks on the foreign fans.
Almost as pretictable as Riley!
Thanks for that link Finsbury.
For a site that prides itself on producing evidence, your evidence of proving Riley is to blame for England being cr@p is to give a link to every ever England result since 1872?
Great work sir!
Oh hold on. You might be right. There’s a footnote on that site that I missed. Yes, England haven’t won a tournament since 66 because of Riley!
Over the last 24 hours you’ve got yourself muddled up with Spurs players that never appeared in England games, and then tied yourself up in more knots when you didn’t even know what England games you were talking about.
To be honest, you wouldn’t look out of place dishing out the Oscar awards. You’re in la la land as it is.
Good post,..
Tommo
You’re welcome.
That’s a no ro writing a ref review on the league cup final then. Backed up by seven years of data collected by refs who are not all AFC fans. Well, we are all surprised I can tell you!
For your information:
I am not one of the retired refs including fans of other clubs who have contributed to the ref reviews. Over the past: Seven. Years.
And it is as predictable as the “you hate English football” racist rubbish that tragically regurgitate from the depth of your Arsenal that none the critics that talk to themselves in the comment section ever produce any numbers!
HTH
🙂
https://mobile.twitter.com/clockendsniper/status/836292335361196032/photo/1
LOL!
Christ, out comes the ‘racist’ accusation? Pathetic.
And why on earth would I want to write a review of the League Cup final? I didn’t even watch the game!
Tommo, I suggest you start your own blog as you clearly don’t like the way Untold is run. Fine, nobody said everyone should like us. But why waste your precious(?) time? Or are you on a mission? To convert us all?
I rather liked the link to Le Grove from Finsbury.
Tommo
What did I say?
Now you know what this blog is all about.
Walter, just having a bit of ‘healthy’ debate with Finsbury of why england are cr@p. I don’t dispute they are cr@p, but don’t blame Riley for it.
Throughout, I have given team selection facts which blew his Spurs argument out of the water.
Do comments have to agree with what Finsbury has to say, even if he is factually incorrect?
Mind you, after 8 rounds on the ropes, it’s about time his corner threw the towel in. He can only wish you’d stepped in earlier.
Sleep tight folks
In the news
Marca has an article about the gifts given to referees by teams, either for every game or “occasionally”.
Thay also have an article which mentions that Crystal Palace fans vandalised their own team bus, by mistake.
In the company of fools –
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Choices –
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”.
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
“And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks.
Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”
Eight rounds? Writes the buffoon who asked for a ref review then refused to write a ref review when asked.
The same kind of ref arsed baboon that would argue agains the decline of the national team under Riley: from Terry’s creaking knees in 2010 exposed in front of the whole planet, (save for the experts from the the racist le groan blog) through to the current diving cloggers who have the pgMOB sanction.
Who arranged this prize fight that only highlights the pgMOB handicap for the national team further with each comment that they leave here, and with their palpable and risible inability to deal with seven years worth of data (collected by refs with multiple affiliations).
Don King? 🙂