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June 2021

One year on and the media is doing their own Transfer Indexes. I hardly think that’s fair

By Sir Hardly Anyone.  Bart.

One year ago we started this as a bit of a joke – listing every single player that some semi-sober journo in a pub suggested was about to join or leave Arsenal.   We ended up with well over 100 joiners – with only 3 of which were correct.  The leavers list was just about as inaccurate.

So when we started again this season we all assumed that it would be another round of much the same.  What we did not expect were headlines such as “Ten players the Gunners could sign this summer, from Sead Kolasinac to Arda Turan” (Guardian), or  Arsenal transfers: 10 strikers Arsene Wenger could sign – Telegraph.

Nor even Who will your team buy?  The top 100 targets in the summer transfer window.  I mean I know they copy our ideas and all that, but really???   The only things they haven’t got is the chart, the use of the word Index, or my name.

Mind you not everyone is there.   The Mirror didn’t quite catch on with “5 players Arsenal will target this summer”.  Still there is plenty of time to go.
So let’s see just how far the drunks in the bars have got…   As before the new entries are cunningly disguised with the word “New” written next to them.
No Player Club Position Notes
 1 Tammy Abraham Chelsea  Striker  Currently on loan to Bristol City
 2 Marcelo Allende  Deportes Santa Cruz Attack m’f  Had 3 trials, training with first team.  Signing today!!!!  Actually that was two weeks ago.
3 Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang Borussia Dortmund Forward £80m to replace Alexis.  Man U want him
4 Carlos Bacca AC Milan Striker He’s 32 years old.  Was going to WHU
5 Gareth Bale Real Mad Striker Stan Collymore tipped this one.
6  Ross Barkley.  Everton Attack mid  Been there since 2010 and played 150 games – does he really want to come to the Emirates?
7 Karim Benzema Real Mad F’wd Definitely going to either AFC or Chelsea
8 Andrea Belotti Juventus F’wd Sadly he has just signed a new contract
NEW  Josh Bowler QPR Midfield A youngster Everton offered £3m for
10 Joel Campbell Return F’wd Loan period ending
11 Iker Casillas Porto Goal To solve our goalkeeping “crisis”
12 Kingsley Coman  Juventus Wing On loan with Bayern this season
NEW  Sebastien Corchia Lille Right back He’s French, and he’s Italian, and he is playing for the under 21s.
14 Virgil Van Dijk Southampton Defence Helps us play a back 3 all the time
15 Ederson Benfica Goal 23 year old to replace Cech
16 Emil Forsberg RB Leipzig Midfield He’s Swedish and he’s 25 years old
17 Jose Luis Gaya  Valencia LB Man City winning the race
18 Ben Gibson Middlesbrough Centre back £30m.  Tottenham want him.
19 Leon Goretzka Shalke M’fld £21m, 1 yr left on contract.  Wanted to replace Ozil (Most quoted story by far)
20 Amine Harit. Nantes M’fld Arsenal have given him a trial.  He is 19-years-old
NEW Thorgan Hazard   Borussia Monc etc Attack M’fld He’s Belgian, he’s 24 years old and he’s the brother of Eden.
22 Lorenzo Insigne Napoli F’wd Liverpool! are on alert!
23 Jakub Jankto Udinese M’fld To play alongside Xhaka
24 Naby Keïta RB Leipzig Right back Has refused to sign a new contract
25 Grzegorz Krychowiak PSG Def M’fd New in the sense that this is the first entry for him this year, but it is the third year he has been tipped to join us.
26  Koke Atl Madrid M’fld Replacement for Santi Cazorla
27 Dawid Kownacki Lech Poznan Striker the new Robert Lewandowski’
28 Sead Kolašinac Schalke Defender Oh yes he has oh no he hasnt
29 Kylian Mbappe Monaco F’wd The new Thierry Henry  Story repeated all this week.  He’s the 18 year old wonderkid
30 Alexandre Lacazette Olympique Lyonnais Striker Man City want him. Story has just resurfaced in the Guardian.
NEW Mario Lemina  Juventus Cent mid He’s 23, previously with  Lorient and Marseille.
32 Romelu Lukaku Everton Forward Dead cert to join AFC
NEW  Henry Onyekuru  KAS Eupen Forward He’s 19 usually plays on the left, one for the future.
34 Florentin Pogba St Etienne Defender Brother of Paul at Man U
35 Leandro Paredes Roma Midfield A story from last year now resurrected
36 Jordon Pickford Sunderland Goal Although Mr W has said he is not looking to sign a keeper.  Man U, Everton and Liverpool want him
NEW Marco Reus. Borussia Dortmund Alexis 2 But he’s injured and the transfer is off, although we might still do it
38 James Rodriguez Real Madrid Midf/wing  Juventus Milan Man U all want him
NEW Oriol Romeu Southampton Def m’fld He’s gone from Barcelona to Chelsea who kicked him out and now Southampton, and Barce want him back.  Same old!
40 Ivan Perisic Inter Midf/wing Man U desperate for him
41 Kasper Schmeichel Leicester Goal The man to solve our goalkeeping “crisis”
NEW Patrik Schick Sampdoria Forward 21 years old and everyone but everyone is after him
43 Michaël Seri Nice Midfield Tottenham, Barcelona and PSG want him.
NEW  Chris Smalling.  Man U Centre back Played 153 times for Man U.
45 Wojciech Szczesny Roma loan Goal Mr W. said that he is not looking to sign a keeper (allegedly) so everyone assumes it is Szcz’s return
46 John Terry Chelsea Nasty This story from the Daily Mail
47 Corentin Tolisso  Lyon M/fld or F’wd French international, dreams of Arsenal.  Still being mentioned
48 Arda Turan Barcelona M’fld He’s 30 years old
NEW  Marco Verratti PSG Central M’fld He’s not going anywhere.  Absolutely not.  Nowhere.  Never.  Not now, not later.  Not at all.  Oh….
50 Jack Wilshere Bournemouth M’fld 75% of guys in the pub want him back

So there we are – up to 50 and the window is still 28 days away.  Pretty amazing stuff.

Part 2: The players already said to be on their way out

No Player Club Notes
 1a Alexis Man C Guardiola making £50m offer his summer priority
1b Alexis Chelsea Will play out contract and go on a free to Chelsea.
1c Alexis Man U Has already agreed deal
2 Krystian Bielik Birmingham City keen to extend loan for another year.
3 Bellerin Barcelona Barce will sign him; no, he is happy to stay
4 Campbell Fenerbahce Currently in talks to sign
5 Francis Coquelin  Valencia This story has been going on and on and on and
6 Olivier Giroud  Marseille He wants to play more games.
7 Jenkinson Newcastle Just promoted, need players
8 Koscielny Marseille He’s just had enough
NEW Monreal Athletic Bilbao No reason, he’s just off.
10 Ospina Fenerbahce Some are just saying “to Turkley”
11 Ozil Real Mad They realise they should have kept him
12 Lucas Perez PSG He’s an “outcast” according to “reports”
13 Wojciech Szczesny Napoli Every newspaper seems to have this one.
14 Nathan Tella Southampton Deal done and completed
15 Theo Walcott West Ham Ray Wilkins says he must leave to protect his career

The squad is 25 players strong plus a couple of loanees, and we have already got rid of 15 of them.   This is amazing stuff.

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1 comment to One year on and the media is doing their own Transfer Indexes. I hardly think that’s fair

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    You forgot 1d:

    Alexis Bayern Munich Because Vidal told him to move to a ‘big club’.