By Tony Attwood
More from the Fiction Department at Minitrue.
So the 10th anniversary has passed and we have posted 7,800 articles over those 10 years. This is 7,801 and time to move on, perhaps occasionally remembering one or two more things from the past as we go, but thinking more about what we can do next.
And so time to implement some changes. Which is pretty much the state of Arsenal, with all its new negotiation team working at full pelt to get things done.
Which brings us back once again to a transfer update. Of course all transfer news is very wobbly when it comes to standing on the ladder of reality but maybe some of this will help us climb on the roof of truth and look down on the sea of lies. Or something.
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang looks to be a front runner for Arsenal not least because (and this is the bit we missed yesterday – but don’t worry, people have been severely reprimanded) – it was Sven Mislintat who took Aubameyang to Germany in the first place. Apparently Mislintat is also suggesting Arsenal sign Henrikh Mkhitaryan, who seems to be out of favour at Man U.
But it is Aubameyang’s activities off the pitch which are the problem – he was in trouble at Sporting Lisbon and is now so at Dortmund.
On the other hand Arsenal have in past coped well with troublesome people like Anelka and Adams and Wright. And if he turns into an Adebayor we can sell him to Tottenham. Bild has reported that the player has been late for training three times in a week and then went for an unauthorised visit to see his chum Dembele at Barcelona. And apparently he shot a video in the club when he shouldn’t where he shouldn’t.
He was omitted from the first-team squad for the game against Wolfsburg last weekend for disciplinary reasons after apparently missing a team meeting, but the club could seek as much as €60m (£53.3m) for the young reprobate.
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If we look at the club’s figures though we can see what has been happening (do remember that Bayern’s right to win the league and cup each year is now enshrined in the German constitution, in order to reduce tension and worry among supporters).
|Season||Lge||German Cup||European competition||Position||Top scorer||Goals|
But the deal these days – the one that all the bloggettas and their masters on the tabloid papers like to forget – is that club want to secure a replacement before letting a player go.
So Man U want Alexis, Arsenal want Aubameyang as a replacement from Dortmund, but Dortmund want a replacement from X for Aubameyang, and X wants a replacement from Y. The blottetterati (that’s the correct name for blog writers after a few drinks) like to blame all this on Arsenal as Arsenal’s failure to sign anyone is their own fault, but it is the way of the window these days.
However one helpful factor is that Michael Zorc at Dortmund said, “What is going on now is not to be tolerated by the club… it cannot go on like this. I don’t know what is going through his mind. [actually I have exactly the same problem with the AAA]. I don’t recognise him anymore. There is trouble in the team and that is not good.”
Meanwhile back in the outer reaches of the Galaxy…
You might remember that in the novel “1984” Oceania is endlessly at war, although who we are at war with can change overnight – it might be Eurasia or it might be Eastasia; it can change half way through a Big Brother speech. So Eastasia doesn’t want Alexis but now Eurasia does. It was Man C against Man U now it is Man U against Chelski.
Sanchez now is said to want a signing on fee of £20m, £10m for his agent, removal expenses, a world record salary and a fish pond in the garden fully stocked, along with a fish pond operative on hand 24 hours a day.
I may have made a bit of that up, but only a bit.
But do remember this guy is 29, and is past his best. The five year contract he demands will take him to 34 years old when he most likely won’t be worth what the club has to continue to pay him. Still Fenerbache might want to take him then.
The salary latest is £350,000-a-week in wages, and some fudging of taxation over image rights and bonuses.
But here’s one thing Alexis. It is possible that the May-bot who runs the country is running out of steam and she might fall. There might be a general election. Labour might win. Jeremy might become Supreme Leader and taxation on footballers (excluding Arsenal of course) will be 98%. Just like the old days. Might be better to go to Spain after all.
And here’s one funny point. Alexis cost us £35m. We could get quite a lump of that back, even with only half a season left on his contract.
- Arsenal agree to sign Aubameyang and/or Malcolm and/or Martial
- August 1919: Arsenal return to the First Division for the next 99 years
- Changing Arsenal’s fortunes could take a lot more than is imagined.