Arsenal buying 21 players, 7 are leaving and we are getting 3 new managers

By Sir Hardly Anyone.

 The latest invention from the Telegraph’s Charlie Eccleshare is the alliterative phrase “Tedious Trophy Talk”.  By this they mean the chatter from certain ne’er do wells that Tottenham cannot be called a team of significance until they win significant stuff, and in the past 20 years they have just won the League Cup twice.

So when it was all about Arsenal it was “Fourth is not a trophy” and then the FA Cup was not a trophy, because we won it more than any other club and Mr Wenger won it more than any other manager, but now it is the Tiny Totts it is “Tedious Trophy Talk”.  Well I never did!  Is that a hint of bias I see?

Of course we don’t go in for that.  We like Tedious Transfer Talk which is equally alliterative and somewhat less tedious because we keep adding new names to the list.

Here is the list of all the players we are buying in the summer.

No. Player From Source Information
New Leon Bailey Bayer Leverkusen Talk Sprout; Football London Cost £100m, he’s a winger or a midfielder who gives assists.  Chelsea more likely
New Jack Butland Stoke The Sun, 101 Great Goals Liverpool also after this keeper
Update Karim Benzema Real Mad EPR Scouts, Football Transfer Tavern, Diario Gol, Deal agreed £35m.  No €60 million,
New Jasper Cillessen Barcelona Mundo Deportivo, Daily Cannon A keeper.
5 Kerem Demirbay Hoffenheim TalkSport. Liga Financial, Star, AFC Fever Midfielder, AFC price agreed, Liverpool want him. Price agreed
NEW Abdoulaye Doucoure Watford Hertfordshire Mercury Goalkeeper.  Watford want to keep him. Tots want him
7 Fred Shakhtar Gibfootballshow Arsenal to get him for £30m
8 Goncalo Guedes PSG Liga Financial PSG must sell because of FFP, Arsenal have announced interest
9 Jorginho Napoli Hot Stepanovs Faster and smaller than Xhaka
Update Thomas Lemar Monaco ArsenalNewsHQ; Mirror; TalkSport. Star Deal confirmed; has rejected a new contract. All go!!!
11 Lozano PSV Sport 360, Arsenal mania Winger who can cut inside
12 Malcolm Bordeaux FootballBible, Sport Review, Gunnerspheree Winger; everyone is interested; he says he goes in the summer.  But might go to China
13 Lautaro Martinez  Racing Club de Avellaneda Gunnersphere Striker.  Inter have offered €20million
Update Max Meyer Schalke 04. Football London, The Guardian, Talk Sport, Express Attacking midfield or playmaker. Liverpool battling with Arsenal
NEW Oguzhan Ozyakup Besiktas Mail Arsenal to bring back their ex-player at the end of his contract
16 Pablo Moreno Barcelona Mundo Deportivo He’s 15 and his contract runs out at the end of the season
17 Jan Oblak Atletico Mad FootballBible; Gibfootballshow Goalkeeper also wanted by Chelsea and Liverpool.  100m euros.
18 Richarlison Watford EPL Scouts Midfield, Chels & Tots also; Arsenal miss out & Arsenal to hijack deal, both on same site!!!
19 Daniele Rugani Juventus Whoscored Defender.  Agent confirms
20 Wilfried Zaha Crystal Palace Liga Financial Arsenal making a bid of £25m
Update Andrija Zivkovic Benfica Football Facts, The Record, EatSleepSportArsenalStation, Telegraph, Giants, Tribal Football 21 year old striker. “AFC cannot but have been impressed.”  Price is £52m









































The departure list.

Having created the new word “Bellering” meaning “being tipped to be transferred away from the club each transfer window but never actually going, we now have quite a list of leavers.

No Player Going To Source What’s the story
 1 Bellering Barcelona Star Star readers have a memory span of less than 1 minute.  But we have “Bellering” (c) Untold.
NEW Krystian Bielik Birmingham Sky He wants to reignite his career and is not happy at Walsall where he is on loan.
3 Holding Burnley Mail, Mirror, Sun £15m
4 Lacazette Arsenal Fever, Sun Manu Petit says he will go.
5 Ramsey Mail, Mirror, Star, Sun Out of contract; and because of gross financial mismanagement AFC can’t afford him because of Ozil
6 Welbeck Arsenal Mania Leaving at end of season
7 Wilshere Liverpool Football London Wenger says how much he wants Jack to stay, but this doesn’t stop the suggestions that he his going.  Arsenal Mania has him closing in on a new deal.

Part 3 – The New Manager

1:  Luis Enrique

Mundo Deportivo report former Barcelona boss Luis Enrique is ready to return to football management this summer, and that the Premier League is his preferred destination. While there is speculation with teams elsewhere in Europe as well (PSG, Milan, for example), Mundo D seem quite certain that the Premier League is what’s on Lucho’s mind.

Chelsea also want him.

2: Conte

The Daily Express says it is Conte, and their source is of the highest repute: Paul Merson.  Except to be fair to the pundit, what he actually said was “If I was on the board I’d go straight for Conte.  He upsets people.”

3: Sarri

According to our old friend “Reports” it is current Napoli boss Maurizio Sarri who is coming, and is certainly not going to Chelsea.   That is according to his agent Federico Pastorello.  The Express, Football Italia, Mail, Daily Cannon and all the hangers on are peeking into this one.

“It’s reported that the 59-year-old has a release clause in his contract that would allow him to discuss contractual terms with other clubs.”  That is from the most amusing Hot Stepanovs website.

Oh yes and there is wild celebrating in Untold’s HQ with the Guardian adopting one of our words: “Wengerian.”  Only taken six years to get it on their approved list.

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2 Replies to “Arsenal buying 21 players, 7 are leaving and we are getting 3 new managers”

  1. Despite this, at some as yet undetermined time in the future, certain folk will still come crawling out from under their rock, to tell us how paranoid we are, and that despite articles like that, we do in fact get treated by the media in the exact same way as everyone else.

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