Forget Torreira, Monreal replacement, drop Xhaka, bring back Joel, buy another keeper, sign Son

By Sir Hardly Anyone, knight in the shires (daytime in bed)

It is a good rule for the football commentator never to apologise.   The right of people do not want apologies and the wrong sort only take a mean advantage of your discomfort when you utter the words “I got it wrong”.

Such is the rule of the transfer reporter who also carries the adage that of all the sad words that could be writ, the saddest of all are “It might have been – but in the end wasn’t.”   Hence the journalist motto, “never apologise for getting it wrong – it would take up the whole paper and no one would read it.”

For you must understand that the life of the rumour monger is that of a man (or woman for the fairer sex have now discovered making stuff up as a way of making dosh) whose life has lacked somehow the sublimer emotions which once upon a time raised mankind to the level of the gods.  He or she has never experienced the thrill of ambition fulfilled but on the other hand has never known the agony of ambition frustrated.

The rumour monger’s name when she or he dies will not live for a day beyond the passing of the drinks at the funeral, and thus the monger is spared the pain of worry for such a person has no desire other than to earn the money for the next pint and whisky chaser.   She or he is in fact as nearly contented as a human being can be having no ambition, no talent and no reason to live other than to raise expectations and then dash them again.

So with that settled let us see what these lowest of the low have to say…   here we go with the latest rumours.

Part the First: Replace Nacho

According to The Sports Review Arsenal want to sign Real Betis defender Junior Firpo to replace Nacho Monreal, according to a “report” (ho hum).   But I think if we do buy a left back, it will be a younger player like Firpo, who will first play the cup games and be a stand in for Monreal when he is injured or he scowls once too often, and can then ease his way in.

But this young fella-me-lad is going to cost about £22m and that seems a bit over the top as a way of doing backup stuff.

Part the second: Sell a kiddie

Meanwhile Tafari Moore has joined Plymouth Argyle of League One who have announced the news with the imaginative headline “One Moore through the Door”.  Ho ho.   He was on loan at Wycombe last season.

Part the third: How to be boorishly boorish.

“Arsenal fans hail new star’s girlfriend as she shares Ibiza beach bikini snap,” says the Daily Star.  Oh for goodness sake

Part the fourth: Yet again

Arsenal are close to signing Sokratis Papastathopoulos from Borussia Dortmund after agreeing a fee of €20m (£17.7m) for the Greece defender says the Guardian for about the 85th time.   He was 30 years old when this story started but now at 84 he will become the oldest player ever to play in the Premier League.

His father, Charalambos Papastathopoulos, once said, “There was interest from United but he would have to wait for July, even if the two clubs have excellent relations,”  said. “He chose to go to Arsenal instead,” presumably because they said they would do the deal by June 29.  If we do it today.

However Dortmund’s sporting director, Michael Zorc, said on Wednesday that Papastathopoulos would have a medical “in the coming days.”

Part the Fifth: Forget Torreira

Yes that is what Calcio Insider is saying.  After all this waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and what’s the word [Would that be waiting? Tony] Lucas Torreira is to be cast aside.   For they announced “Forget Torreira – Arsenal looking to sign €40million midfielder”

5 Replies to “Forget Torreira, Monreal replacement, drop Xhaka, bring back Joel, buy another keeper, sign Son”

  1. All these multiples Arsenal transfer rumours this summer in the media will be put to a rest on the 9th of August when the window for signing players by all the Premier League club sides will be shut.

    Nevertheless, if Arsenal finally succeeded to sign Papastathopolous and Torreira during this summer transfer window as being insinuated in the media. I am of the thinking that Arsenal might also make 1 – 2 late bids to sign more senior players on or before this summer transfer deadline day.

  2. Why is it that Spurs players seem to keep getting constantly overvalued? Since when did Son become a £62m player? And valuing the likes of Dele Alli up there with Mbappe is just a joke, I mean, what have these players accomplished to be valued so highly?

    I believe a lot of it must be coming from how Spurs and their players are portrayed in the British press as some of the best in the entire world, and much of that supposed value must be coming from their reputation/image rather than their actual talent. Not to say that they’re not talented, but nowhere near as much as these prices would suggest.

  3. I have to vent my fury and where else than on Untold? I have just read my Arsenal members’ newsletter. Three ‘experts’ are attributing to our new manager a whole lot of qualities that our old manager had in spades – as if they were unique to our new manager.

    Arsene Wenger also made ‘surprise team selections’ on many an occasion to take the opposition off balance. Or even an unexpected team approach, like in 2005 winning the FA Cup with an unusually defensive style. And no one was more committed on the training pitch or a deeper student of football than Arsene Wenger.

    I’m all for supporting the new manager – but not by belittling the genius who preceded him.

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