Football is teetering on the edge and it is too disgusting for words

Untold Arsenal will be unavailable on Monday because of technical upgrades.  Details are on the home page.  If the work takes longer than expected we’ll publish on our Facebook page instead.


By Tony Attwood

I see that Manchester City have brought out an electronic gizmo worn on the wrist which gives their supporters “everything you need to know” about Manchester City.

It costs around £80, and apparently brings the owner all sorts of inside information, with statistics, polls and quizzes.  It sounds deliriously exciting and I wonder why Arsenal haven’t done that.

Actually no I don’t wonder that, and if they did bring one out I wouldn’t buy one not just because I think the idea is a bit naff, but also because anything advertised as “all you need to know” is 99.99% certain not to tell me all I need to know, simply because most of the time I know it anyway because I have access to the internet and can look it up.

The rest of the time they don’t tell me what I need to know anyway, because the journalists don’t know what I need to know and what I don’t.  Thankfully mind reading is not that prevalent in the UK at the moment and the thought of a journalist getting inside my head is just too disgusting for words.

But it raises an interesting point because the one bit of the whole packaged plan that the clubs don’t control is the media managed side of things, in which good or bad news is poured out continuously about each club.  The gizmo will I imagine be sanitised, so most certainly won’t be all I need to know.

However I guess the gadget will catch on, as it does mean wearers don’t have to get their phones out to check whatever it is people who look at their phones a lot do check.

In fact in the advertising not having to get your phone out to check things is one of the lead issues.  But there is another side to things, since Manchester City have admitted that the gadget will “analyse how our fans are behaving” by keeping tabs on their behaviour.

And actually I don’t want that.  Not because I engage in anything illegal, although come to think of it I did sneak above 50 mph in the eternal roadworks on the M1 coming back from London late at night the other day.  But no, that’s not the point.  The point is that the whole issue of advertisers knowing all about what I buy, what I like, whether I go to the loo at half time, and how I try and get into the ground faster than might otherwise be the case, are a bit personal, and I don’t want people who are going to send me adverts knowing about it.  If someone knows where I live, when I am leaving for the game, and who is coming with me, then it only takes about 3 seconds on the system to get that info, see when my house is empty, and come and do it over.

So to counteract this I play my own little games, writing things that are completely untrue on my own facebook page (not the Untold facebook page) just to keep them guessing.  I can always tell when the data collection guys have hoovered me up again as I get some wholly inappropriate adverts.  (Plus odd people sneaking around my house at times when I am in but have told them I’m not.)

But anyway, what would this new type of service tell us if we had an Arsenal edition.  Something like this perhaps…

Alex Iwobi sets Premier League record 

Alex Iwobi’s goal against Chelsea is so far the longest move for a goal in the 2018-19 Premier League season.

(That one courtesy of Goal,com)

Emery – This is why Granit Xhaka was taken off at half-time

“This is a tactical decision because he also had a yellow card.  We didn’t want to take the risk with the yellow card and we wanted to give a chance to other players we have in the middle.”

That was Red London.  (It’s exciting stuff isn’t it).

Pundit picks out change Arsenal boss Unai Emery needs to make following Chelsea loss

Martin Keown has stated that Unai Emery must play with three in midfield for Arsenal this season following the Gunners’ loss to Chelsea at Stamford Bridge.

That from Caught Offside.  (Wow, this is really building up).

Man Utd news: Jose Mourinho makes Premier League top-four revelation

Jose Mourinho says it will be ‘really hard’ for his team to finish in the top four this season.

That from the Daily Star.  Well, you know.  The Star and Jose.  Which one is making it up?  Hard to say.

Journalist was ‘baffled’ at what he heard Garth Crooks say about Matteo Guendouzi

“Garth Crooks sat a couple of rows behind me in the press room yesterday after the game constantly telling his mate that Guendouzi was ‘killing Arsenal’ and that Wenger would never have played him as he isn’t good enough. Still as baffled now as I was then.”

That was Give Me Sport.

Now you must admit.  Getting things like this throughout the week to your wrist band would really be worth £80.  Oh yes and I think there is an annual subscription price too.







5 Replies to “Football is teetering on the edge and it is too disgusting for words”

  1. I believe Arsenal will move on from their opening 2 Premier League game loses at home to Man City and at away to Chelsea last weekend in this new season’s campaign. And recover from these 2 loses to start winning when they host West Hammers at the Ems in the PL next Saturday. Which could usher in a long winning streak in the PL games for the Gunners if they play their next games according to the competence of winning PL matches eschewing any form of profigancy in front of their opponents goalmouth to always bury their goal scoring chances to kill off the opposition threats. The profigancy that cost Arsenal getting results in their matches against Man City and Chelsea should totally be forsaken by the Gunners henceforth, if Arsenal are to finish in the top 4th place in the PL this season as being envisaged in some Gooner quarters. And even make a successful charge to win the PL Title at the end if they start collecting maximum points and keep collecting them as they’ve only lost 6 points out of the total available collectible 114 points to leave them with 108 points to haul for collection to do something over that Man City’s record breaking 100 points collection collected by the Citizens last season to set a new benchmark points collection in the PL.

  2. Tony,
    I thought the MC gadget joke was a brilliant ‘Sir Hardly Anyone’ take on things only to read today (20/8)that it’s real. Now doesn’t that just figure?

  3. Actually I thought much the same. I really did think, “Oh I wish Untold had thought of that” and then realised it was real. It is so unfair when the real world gets ahead of our fantasies.

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