Rating the headlines after Arsenal’s win over Bournemouth. Reality loses.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

It is commonplace for the blogs to “rate” this, that, something else, and then something other.   So with Tony off sunning himself on an island off the coast of somewhere watching the game in a bar with a bunchette of Bournemouth supporters I thought we’d have a look at what the rest of the world thinks of Arsenal beating Bournemouth.

Our top choice thus far is

Confused Arsenal star asked Unai Emery what his tactics were just moments before kick-off

The story is that “According to a report by The Sun, Arsenal left-back Sead Kolasinac ran over to the dugout to ask Unai Emery if the Gunners were playing a back three or four to start the game.  We can only wonder what Kolasinac was up to during the pre-game team talk but when the Bosnian entered the pitch it seems like his mind was miles away.”

Brilliantly nonsensical and completely removed from any relationship with the real world so  10/10   Interestingly no one replied with “Confused blog gets itself in a pickle by mistaking Sun report with reality, but their version is probably funnier.”

Moving on…

Former Liverpool Star Absolves Iwobi of Blame For Bournemouth’s Goal 

I wonder if His Holiness the pope realises that pundits can now give absolution?

Of course a lot of the surprises that the bloggettas get are really nothing more than the fact that people have simply failed to keep up with the news.  And so moving on we find…

Surprising stat emerges after Arsenal beat Bournemouth from 101 Great Goals

They tell us that “Arsenal’s win over Bournemouth was their 4th away win of the season out of six away games.  In the whole of last season under Arsene Wenger, Arsenal would also win four away games but from 19 in total.”

They haven’t been reading our previews which focus on home and away form have they?   But to help them keep up they’ll be pleased to note that our new website on home and away form as a way of making predictions is just on ready to roll.  More on that very shortly.

Arsenal equals last season’s Premier League feat with Bournemouth victory 

from Live Soccer TV is probably the same story, but we were getting a bit bored by the time we found that so left that one alone.  See previous comment.

Another one that really doesn’t deserve to be read is

Sky Sports pundit surprised at one Unai Emery decision 

That is the Daily Star.  I mean, come on guys.  You are supposed to be professional journalists.  Is this the best you can do?  Sky Sports pundits and Liverpool stars are always surprised with everything.  That’s what they do.  They get  Surprised.  As in Oh look the sun has come up this morning and it has got light.  I am surprised.  And Oh I have not eaten for 24 hours and I am feeling hungry.  Oh goodness how amazing.  And oh look there is water falling from the sky and I have got wet, how weird is that.   And…

Torreira gets 7/10; 4s for Xhaka, Mkhitaryan 

That is from ESPN.   ESPN gets 1 out of 10 for comprehension of what Xhaka’s role in the team is.   But what I still don’t get is why these ESPN guys who are soooooo insightful about football are not all earning fortunes in football management – after all it pays far better than journalism.

Arsenal news: Pundit slams Gunners during Bournemouth win – ‘They were outplayed’ 

The Daily Star just does not give up does it?   And they followed that one up with

Arsenal star ‘a million miles away’: Pundit delivers brutal verdict 

Daily Star on another planet.   Or maybe it just went supernova.

But let us finish down under.

Aubameyang helps Arsenal beat Bournemouth 

The West Australian.  At least that was factual.

Funny old world.

7 Replies to “Rating the headlines after Arsenal’s win over Bournemouth. Reality loses.”

  1. Arsenal’s stunning first goal against Bournemouth deserves to win the Best own goal of the season !
    But goal scorer will probably give the event a miss.
    – Reported by no one.

  2. Brilliant suggestion Brickfields – Own Goal of the Season with an appropriate trophy from SpecSavers.

  3. I can’t remember exactly who it was, but if I remember correctly it was one of the American stations, and they were saying that Bournemouth were actually the favourites going into this game, whilst Paul Merson said that he wouldn’t be surprised if we lose 2-0.

    Does a 16 game unbeaten run count for nothing? Clearly it does when it comes to Man City, Liverpool and Chelsea, as it’s something that they never stop lavishing praise upon them with, so why is it so different with Arsenal in their eyes?

  4. SPURS possession 40%
    ARSENAL 59%

    SPURS shots 18
    ARSENAL 20

    SPURS passing success 76%
    ARSENAL 81%

    SPURS tackle success 44%
    ARSENAL 82%

    SPURS accurate passes 279
    ARSENAL 464

    SPURS corners 4

    SPURS fouls committed 19

    SPURS players dispossessed 10 times
    ARSENAL 9 times

    SPURS passes intercepted 22 times
    ARSENAL 13

    SPURS – BBC headline “Superb Tottenham inflict first PLO defeat on Chelsea”
    ARSENAL – “Emery expects more from Arsenal despite win”

    The only stats above where the Spuds beat us were for being dispossessed, having passess intercepted and number of fouls committed yet they were, apparently, “superb”. It was also noticable in the BBC’s first published result of the Arsenal game that they managed to mention on four separate ocassions the bad fortune Bournemouth suffered as a result of having hit the post. Extraordinarily (or not!), the report made no mention that Torreira also managed the same feat.

    The other noticable stat that caught my attention between the two games was that Arsenal picked up a card for their second foul of the game whilst the Spuds managed nineteen fouls without receiving a single caution. Aurier was not even considered to be guilty of persistently fouling by Martin Atkinson despite giving away a total of five free kicks himself. I wonder if we’ll ever see MR Atkinson ever being that lenient towards us at any point in his career!

    Can’t wait for the appointment of Mr Dean for this week’s game. That should ensure the end of our unbeaten run.

  5. Mikey

    Absolutely spot on.

    It’s been this way for years now.

    If we don’t score a hatful of goals and play like Brazil then it’s just not good enough.

    When we win without playing well we are lucky, We never get the ‘playing bad and still winning is the sign of a good team’ comment.

    I remember a match back in Wengers time we won 3 – 0 after absolutely slaughtering a team. We had something like 30 shots and all we got from reporter Beasley was ‘any team that needs that many chances to score 3 goals will win nothing’

    Yet because we currently score a very high percentage of our efforts we are lucky.

    It seems no matter what we do, if it is at all possible, the analise will paint us in a negative light.

  6. Well we do have to concede that all those stats for the Spuds over the season were achieved away from home !

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