By Bulldog Drummond
OK let’s start with the easy question. Like
What time does it start?
Quite why the Independent chose to put that as a question rather than just writing “Kick off:” followed by the time as people used to do is beyond me. But that’s what you have to do these days, under the rather stupid headline “Everything you need to know” as if the newspaper writer has a clue what the reader really needs to know.
I mean I need to know if my mates are going, if we are meeting at the usual place, and given that the time of matches keeps on changing, what time we are meeting there. And none of that is included in the report, which immediately makes it a bit of a letdown.
But anyway, “what time does it start?” is a question that as it happens, is handy to know what with all the times being changed at the drop of a fiver. But the answer, “Arsenal vs Tottenham kicks off at 2:05pm (BST)” is daft to the point of daftness, because “BST” stands for “British Summer Time” and if you happen to be in Britain and you happen to look outside you know that this cannot possibly be Summer Time – at least not in any conventional meaning.
British Summer Time actually runs – strange as this may seem – during the summer. This year it ran from March 31 to October 27, after which the United Kingdom went back to its winter time, generally known as Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). So does the game kick off at 2.05 GMT? The general consensus is yes.
And this is the problem with the “All you need to know” statements. When you get the answers wrong this certainly is not all you need to know. And mostly the questions are not the right questions either.
So having got that sorted let us move on, because according to the Sun Piers Morgan says he has ‘more chance of becoming pope than a tiny tot has of winning the Champions League
These are indeed difficult times for the Catholic Church with countless abuse claims leading to an awareness among some that young people are safer being raised by any sect, secret coven or quasi religion, or indeed a couple of humanists… in fact almost anyone other than the Catholic Church. Outright condemnations and proclamations of an eternity in hell seem a little lacking on this one – but then I’m not religious and I’ve never quite understood the unique rules that allow religions to act as they do in England while the rest of us have to obey the laws of the land and pay our taxes. I suppose that is what we get for having given members of the Church of England seats in the upper house as of right.
So my limited understanding of Catholic affairs is that by and large to become a pope one has to be a major player in the Catholic church for quite a long time and be a cardinal, and I don’t think P Morgan Esq is either.
However Tottenham are competing in the Champions League and so could win it simply by winning some games: that is unlikely but possible. So I think PM is wrong. He has less chance of becoming pope than Tottenham have of winning the Champs League. Perhaps not much less, but definitely less.
But let us consider this in more detail…