By Sir Hardly Anyone, our man on the inside.
Ever wondered how a club like Arsenal can be so chaotic in its transfer dealings and player management? Or how there are so many football rumours all swirling around at once. Or who creates them?
And if it is true that there is one mega empire that is running all these stories?
Just this morning, for example, after a Sunday pumping out the story that Denis Suarez is coming to Arsenal, the story is changed. Of course it is changing, of course it has to change, because everyone has done Suarez to Arsenal, to death.
So we have
“Arsenal ROCKED as Barcelona perform stunning U-TURN over Denis Suarez deal. Barcelona have performed a stunning u-turn and will now REFUSE to let Denis Suarez join Arsenal, according to reports.”
“According to reports” is the giveaway of course. Anyone can make up a report and of course that is what the Daily Dose (sorry Express) has been doing. Now for all I know someone made up the idea that a deal between Barcelona and Arsenal was on in the first place. Maybe there is no deal. I can do it, you can do it, my neighbour who likes to cut the grass in his back garden at 3am in the middle of winter can do it; we can all make up stories.
And better still we can all do “according to reports.”
But let’s try and trace this back. Before the Express had it, the Mirror had it, and said that Barcelona were “posturing”. An interesting concept for that says Arsenal buying Suarez was indeed a positive story after all the stuff about Ramsey going and how awful the Arsenal defence is.
If you want a further example look no further than The Daily Canon which recently obliged with two Arsenal negatives in quick succession.
- West Ham sell player ruined by Arsenal after only half a season
- Arsenal to sign midfielder on loan with purchase option due to FFP restrictions
Meanwhile the negatives pour in. The Metro (owned by DMG which also owns the Metro) goes with
- Barca complete shock U-turn on Denis Suarez’s switch to Arsenal
quite probably to get one over Wales Online which is owned by Reach plc which owns The Mirror group which in turn owns… Football London.
- Real Madrid ‘accept’ Arsenal bid for James Rodriguez
Now you get the idea. These are not different publications with their rival teams of supporters all digging away assiduously to find the latest stories. They are all part of a couple of mega news groups which (in terms of Reach at least) are setting different parts of their organisation to create fake news which contradict each other to play one side against the other.
They are in fact like drugs barons ensuring everyone is hooked and stays hooked.
So while some are saying ‘Welcome to Arsenal Denis Suarez’ (Football London) others working in the same media group are pumping up the opposite version of the story.
In fact Reach plc are getting quite busy at the moment as they also used Wales Online to pump out “Real Madrid ‘accept’ Arsenal bid for James Rodriguez.”
So now we have bought two players. Suarez, a central midfielder and Rodriguez, an attacking midfielder.
But hang on you say what about all these defenders that we need? They have all been officially classified as either injured or useless or old or all three, so we need to replace them ALL. (I know this as I read it is in the papers). In short we ought to be out there chanting “What do we want?” to which we reply “Defenders” and then we are asked “When do we want them?” and the answer is, “Whenever the publications of Reach plc – or failing that DMG – tell us.”
This multiple ownership means that Reach can play each side off against the other, shouting ‘Welcome to Arsenal Denis Suarez’ on
But in such fervour it is important to keep a sense of proportion – or as the media knows it “Knocking Copy”. So Sports Mole goes with “Former Real Madrid defender Pepe rejects Arsenal move in favour of Monaco.” Yep we have failed again. Arsenal, a club trying to get into the top four of English football outdone by a club that plays to crowds of under 10,000 who are in a relegation position, one from the foot of the French league. (Sorry Thierry, nothing personal).
But back to Arsenal, and back to the negatives. “Teen Willock stars on day marred by protests” says the
Marred?
But still, where are all these defenders that we need? We do eventually find one tucked away in SportBible which seems to quote a blog that quotes a newspaper that quotes a newspaper that quotes a club to get the headline
- The Juventus Player Arsenal Want In Return For Aaron Ramsey
And he is Mehdi Benatia
A centre back. So at last we have found our centre back. But, but, but hang on. After a lot of soul searching and mea culpa (oh yes we can chat in Latin too in the Toppled Bollard) we found out that Arsenal probably had two spaces clear for foreign players in their 25, assuming that a) we had made one mistake and b) the Premier League had made one mistake, in terms of counting (us) and country of birth (them). And we’ve just used those two non-home-grown places up (see top of page, and do try to pay attention). So we are going to have to sell a foreigner to buy a foreigner.
But they never tell us who.
And scandal, disruption and intrigue? Surely there is some because this is Arsenal and this is the media. There must be some.
And yes there is, courtesy of the TalkingSprout.
- “Arsenal’s Hector Bellerin skips FA Cup tie to attend London Fashion Week”
After that it gets really tedious with things like
“What Arsenal and Man City fans are missing in greatest Premier League team debate.” And you know who owns the
This morning I heard an announcement on a loudspeaker outside my house stating that,” If you invest $ 250/-, just this once ,you can sit and eat for rest of your life.”
Out of curiosity, I went to check it out and saw…….an idiot selling chairs !!!
Boring.
Happy New Year Doc Brickfields.
Brickfields Gunners thanks it got me laughing
I am the chief secretary for Sir Grabit, and he has asked me to reply on his behalf.
— “A nice Post, Sir Hardly — long time no sea, as the fisherman said to the mackerel. You must join us for a snifter at Grabit Estates, where we can talk about making some more profitable rumours.
Fortunately it does not seem to matter that Mr Emery has said that a) he doubts Arsenal can buy any players in the January
DumpSale, or b) If it is possible, we would need to look for a CB, as we have a number of injuries in that position, and any replacement must be of better quality than those we already have — and for a sensible price. [So — no incoming transfers then]Mr Emery is a terrible man, because if that rubbish became widely known, our excellent rumours would not work, and how can wealthy men make a few bob? Eh?
Cheers old boy, and keep up the good work — remember — Arsenal are buying Denis Suarez — Oh, No, they’re not — Oh, Yes, they are.
It now appears to be normal for Untold to open up in mobile mode, at least on my desktop computer. Why can’t it be fixed, I have never experienced this on any other site in many years of using a computer.
Herman your kind words of support and encouragement are much welcomed and I shall pass them on to Sir Hardly when he wakes up.
@ colario – 07/01/2019 at 9:46 am – A Happy New Year to you too ,Charles.
Am sure the above joke must have reminded you of that poor old sod who got gypped buying a penis enlarger off the internet .
He was sent a magnifying glass !
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2647074/Malaysian-man-comes-short-buying-100-penis-enlarger-online-gets-sent-5-magnifying-glass-warning-Do-not-use-sunlight.html