By Sir Hardly Anyone.
There was much to-do this morning as Bumpus McGreggor fell into the Toppled Bollard, watering hole of the football journalist elite, for his usual pre-work quart and chaser. For he had about him a look which clearly indicated that he had a story that was clearly his and clearly no one should try and funny business by running it before he did, quite clearly.
Unfortunately the effect of the look had was somewhat diminished by the fact that it quickly became clear that he had forgotten what the story was and so the assembled gathering instead turned their attention back to the man from the Boot Room who symbolised and repeated much of what the media had been saying all year in terms of Arsenal’s players by offering up the headline, “‘He’s finished’, ‘Garbage’: Some Arsenal fans rage after player’s ‘woeful’ display”.
Sadly, he too forgot who he was talking about by the time he got to the end of reading out his own headline, which rather put a dampner on the whole affair.
But then up pipped Nipit Inthebud from the Nut. “Don’t blame Bumpus” he said, If you compare the Arsenal of today with the team I knew in the 1930s, why I remember walking past Arsenal station and having a natter with my aunt Daisy, and up pops the Boy Bastin and a policeman with the copper saying “shouldn’t he be wearing a muzzle” and there we was thinking that he meant the Boy Bastin when in fact he meant a stray dog that was passing by and how we laughed until Clogger McGuiness from the Daily Excess came along and attempted to nut Bastin for scoring again the week before and stopping the Clogger from winning on the pools. A doctor was sent for, and they managed to bring him round, but he was never the same again. He had to leave the Force, and eventually drifted into the grocery business. And that is how Sir Thomas Lipton got his start.
Away from the players everyone is tipping Edu, now co-ordinator of the Brazil team to be the new technical director. However last time he came to us he wasn’t allowed in because of passport problems. This time … well, Brexit might happen any day (or so those close to the Prime Minister say) so all the rules of incoming foreign types will be changed in a trice, and he might not get in again.
The other story doing the rounds is that old one about Mkhitaryan not being allowed into the country hosting the Europa final for political reasons – and at last someone has read the Uefa rules which say that host nations must allow in everyone selected by the club, no matter what their political position. It’s all a non-story really.
On the selling front Bordeax want Elneny according to the ever churning Football.London who as ever refuse to take credit for anything, but this time blame L’Equipe.
And staying with France, apparently Arsenal now want to buy Jean-Philippe Gbamin who is a defensive midfielder and defender playing with Mainz and for the Ivory Coast Sport Bild are blamed for that tale.
On the selling front Mesut Ozil and Henrikh Mkhitaryan are now apparently part of the pack who are on offer along with Mustafi. And that is according to the Sun. They say there are five going, and also nominate Mustafi and Elneny. But as far as I know that makes four. They throw in Welbeck – but his contract has expired – and Ramsey – but he is already a done deal also at the end of the contract. So how they are doing their arithmetic is something of a mystery.
HITC make the bold claim that Arsenal are after Lloyd Kelly from Bristol City – a story that has been around for a while on Football London and in the Sun. The notion is that we can’t buy anyone, have to have a big clear out, and it is youngsters and lower league players who will be base the future on which probably won’t be very reassuring.
The Guardian meanwhile has the notion that we are looking at the striker Ayoze Pérez, who can also play midfield. He’s with Newcastle at the moment. He has played 148 games for them and scored 41 goals – at least according to Wikipedia. On 20 April 2019, he scored his first hat-trick for the club in a 3–1 win over Southampton.
Listening to the story Bumpus shuddered, and in addition to shuddering uttered a sharp quack of anguish such as might have emanated from a duck which meandering alongside a duck-pond, had stubbed its toe on a whisky bottle. Except for Bumpus the anguish was that it was empty.
As are most of the transfer tales from the media.
- Manchester City v Arsenal: The Big 7 Stats, and comparisons of the last 6 games
- Manchester City v Arsenal: surprising statistics and a result prediction
- Arsenal’s 25 man squad – is it already full?
- Yet another example of the way the media tries to put down Arsenal
- The Continental Tyres Cup 2022/23 quarter finals: Arsenal v Villa